Malicious sickness renders one weak, Tired and unwilling to move... But worst of all, sickness renders one voiceless. Voiceless to talk, Voiceless to express, Voiceless to curse, But one thing pains me the most: Voiceless to sing.... Well, here goes another long entry cuz I have a whole bunch of things to talk ^^ Ain't it funny how one compliment at the right time can make you so happy? It was an okay day, and a friend kept on bugging me to show him my poem (yes, the crappy 52-liner i mentioned last time)... so after some persistence, I send it to him. 5min later, I get a "Wow, that was really good. I sent it to a friend and she said she almost cried reading it." Then I get the speechless emotion. My words actually affected someone? That's something new. Well, that was the emotion I wanted to express when writing this poem, so I felt pretty good when I got that compliment. And for the next few hours till I went to bed, I was really happy, because those few words had made my day. (btw, I had an hour of free work period in english class... and i ended up changing the first half of my poem and added another 4-line stanza =p) For the past 2 years, I've been slowing leeching Kendo (the japanese art of wielding a katana) off my brother. Yesterday, since i didn't have any sports that day and felt like moving and he had just finished his exam, we went outside and he kinda gave me a refresher course on the basics. For some reason, he noticed something new i've been doing wrong. I open my elbows when lifting the shinai and close them really tightly when I swing down. I dont' even notice myself doing and its pissing me off >.> Oh well, time to practice more =P This part links to the short "poem" I wrote at the beginning of this entry. For the past 3 days, I've been sick with some sort of cold. I have a clogged nose, sore throat and low-longetivity energy. I just thought "its just another sickness, I'll just live with it till it goes away." But that's not the case, on a few occasions, I felt like.... enjoying myself by singing. So i try. But I can't even sing louder than a whisper (but I can talk almost normally with a raspy voice =p) It might even seem as though i'm just mouthing the words. Even in my little whisper, I can't go into the high-note range or else my throat starts hurting. The feeling I've had these few days, is the same as if there's something you love doing, but you just can't do it because somethign doesn't allow you to. I live to sing, and sing to live. Even though I'm not good at singing at all, I can barely hit any of the notes on first try, I enjoy it so much. No matter what mood i'm in, no matter how down i am, no matter how bored, how lonely, how sluggish... all this disappears once I start singing. I can go on singing for 4 hours straight, something i've done before =p.... it just feels so good, feels like ntohing can bother me, I remember nothing of the outside world, nothign of my problems. my bliss comes and goes with the beginning and end of each new song. But with my voicelessness, i can't enjoy myself, making myself trying to force myself rather than enjoying it.... *sigh* Let's just hope this fingposmfcrap sickness goes away soemtime soon >.> I know I promised to try to keep these entries small.... but its just so hard to.... Oh well, for the past few weeks i've been noticing something. I keep on misjudging what people's reaction is to something. Maybe i'm just being overly paranoid/pessimistic that I think that everyone's reaction will just hurt me (kinda like... fear of rejection =P). *sigh* That's prolly why i've been such a shy/non-proactive person. I'll prolly get over this someday, and I prolly will, cuz i already don't care if people talk behind my back or not ^^ (at least for now -_-;;) [//edit NVM! i didn't recover from it, since misjudging/trying to predict people's reaction is the EXACT same problem >.>//edit] btw, I LOVE RUGBY!! =P best sport ever.... gotta love the chaos, the pain, the teamwork, the screaming.... and best of all, smacking one person after another and yay for prop hooking! [oops, another long entry ^^;;]