a weird thing about me is this: i know who i am and i know what i do, and they arent the same thing. It's hard to explain, but the fact is that like the person i am and the person i want to be are two very different people. In some ways i wish i was like greg with his coolness and just like smoothness, in others i wish i was like matt cuz he just gets along with everyone and even if he doesnt say much, ppl still really like him. I am though like Zack in the way that i have a need for ppl to accept me, but he's the opposite because he actually does shit and just seems like an idiot for it. I've realised that ive become girl crazy lately because i know that i wont be getting any from any respectable girls. There are probably some that i could hook up with, but a man has to have standards right? Right. Anywho its weird because when i think back on it, i know the kind of girls that ive been with, and i know the kind i want to be with and they are very different not in personality, but in looks. There really hasnt been any girls here that i've communicated clearly with on an intellectual level, well maybe one...but she doesnt talk to me anymore, ive got other theories on that. Greg and i started watching this movie today, its called Waking Life, and its a trippy but fuckign amazing movive. i only saw the first 30 min and i was already blown away by its deepness. it's an independent film and very philosophical. I like it, it's prepping me for next semester. When i look back on some things, i know how fucking annoying i am at time, and ive really got to stop over analysing things. i miss that sane opinion that wasnt mine. i miss having a best friend around to not care about shit with. i miss my dogwalkings and calling friends to chitchat i miss not always having to worry about trying to get girls because i go to school with the only ones who i could date. i miss dating. i miss NOT FUCKING CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK. Oh Charles, what has become of you?