Silence
....................
This will be, the first time, for a long time, i've done an entry without music playing.
1. Because i'm on my dad's comp.
2. Because i need a clear head.
Problem 1: Alana
Don't get me wrong, I like the lass, she's cool. But I feel i've been pressured into a relationship I never really wanted in the first place. The problem is, how do I tell her? What do I say? When do I say it?...
WRONG
I tell a lie, the problem is not knowing what, or when to say it. The problem is actually doing it. I know exactly what to say, I know it's got to be said sooner rather than later. I just can't bring myself to do it. I suss people out really quickly, and although she doesn't show it to all her mates, Alana is a sensitive person. I feel that if I tell her, she will either be extremely angry, or extremely upset, both of which I couldn't deal with. I want, neigh, need out of the relationship. I just can't bring myself to put someone in pain.
Problem 2: College
Although college has ended, and it's all done and dusted, I'm almost certain I haven't passed, this will bring severe concequences (spelling?), as my dad will be majorly upset and angry with me, I will have nothing but GCSE's to rely on for jobs, and my entire life will spiral out of control. Nobody, up until now, knows the real reason I wanna start an apprentiship. I would prefer uni anyday, the lifestyle, getting away from everything that has become an annoyance in my current situation. A bigger and better qualification. Alas, without grades, i'm no-where.
Life goes down the pan.
Problem 3: Jo
Just readin her diary, after having such a fantastic night on saturday, I personally feel as strong, if not stronger for her now, than I ever did. This may just be in a friend kind of way, or it may be more, or less. I'm having a hard time reading into shit like this recently. All I know it, it felt so good to finally see her again, and talk to her. She made me feel at ease, comfortable, and ... well.. buzzin. I haven't felt like that since we before we broke up. Then she txts me today, and I feel warm, and loved again.
Now this is in no way at all, a plea for her to get back with me, I'm merely expressing the sheer joy and emotion I felt seeing her again, for the first time in 2 months. Then again, I feel that maybe, just maybe there is still a little somthing there, with her saying she's missed me. I just don't know. Why would it work the second time, if it didn't work the first? Mates are the way forward for now. I've got too much to worry about.
Problem 4: Money
As always, money is a problem, I've managed to make my wage last more than a weekend this time, which i'm quite proud about, I need to work with my dad this week in order to be able to afford to go over to hull next weekend. My brother owes me 40 dollah, but He's fucking off to Valaraki (spelling?) tomorrow morning, so I won't see that, the little cunt. Just seems my life revolved around money, and it shouldn't. I've just got to be more sparing with it, make it last longer, don't spend money on useless shit.
I need more
Problem 5: Steph
This is becoming silly. I've never met the girl, but I feel strangly attracted to her. It's weird, up until about 2 weeks ago, I hardly talked to her, but since then, we've talked on the fone nearly every night, we've confessed lots of bedroom antics towards each other, and she's even asked if I'd go out with her, if she didn't live so far away. I dunno.
I'm a confused little boy.
>=]
x
1: Tell her the truth. It may be harsh, but it's better in the long run for you to be honest with her.
2: I've never been so I can't help much there :p
3: This is a problem?
4: Spend less money!!! (obvious, yet easy enough to do :p)
5: In (1) you want to get out of a relationship. Why start a fresh one? wait a while, untill your sure how you feel.
Hope I helped you a little.
:)
1. Alana is a sound lass, however she does have shades of sensitivity, so i think under all the "ill knock u the fuck out" and "chuck"'s she's a sensitive girl so dont drop her on her head when letting her down...
2. im starting to think college was a waste of time... seriously i know i made some ace mates and shit but i think thats all im gonna get outta it...
need another post...
4. unfortunately money is gonna be an issue when u have a car an shit, and when u buy/smoke pot alot u lil stoner u :P
fack need another post lol god i ramble on
all in all sit back and let the good times roll (sry had to say that - it rhyms :P)
anyways hope all goes well and u know where i am if u need a chat bud :)
Jo x