another wake up but this time to the sun in my eyes and no happiness. I was still confused. And had two days to find out to move or not and it just got more confused by the minute...so I spent the day thinking....Josh didnt come by so that some what helped...walking to the closest gas station and back....bought me a pint of mint chocolate chip Ice cream and stayed home on the couch....the couch where we first had made love....I flip through the channels......nickelodeon....spanish soap's....nothing.....I turn to cartoon network to see that cow and chicken was on...not one of my favourite shows but it was better than latino women crying and the amanda show.... I sigh deeply and shut off the television....fixing my concentration on the ice cream that was barely touched and so much melting....I pull the spoon out and head to the kitchen to place the ice cream into the freezer..... picking up the phone and dialing six digits to Josh's number and hang up...I couldnt do it...I didnt know if he would want me back or if he would abandon me.....I had to think........and think before the hours were spent and I to return to Maine.......I loved him so much....but I couldnt remain calm....so I walk.... Hours I walk around the same block until I swore that the walking left footprints in the cement.... a car drives up beside me and my name was called....I didnt even know I had been crying the whole time while my eyes were puffy and red...and a river grew behind me... "Cody!?" I didnt even have to look up to know it was josh....I ignored and kept the walk.... "Cody....I love you.....please..just listen to me....I didnt mean to hurt you.....please?" I could hear that he was breaking into a cry too....and it hurt me....my neighbor Ms. Bennett stares at us....she had a look of disgust in her face....I could tell it was because us being gay....but my thoughts were fixed on somthing more......I keep my pace till I make it to the corner...and stop.......Josh stops to as if he had a connection by heart....."Cody you dont understand....." "I do Understand Josh!" I turn to him and I notice that he can see how much pain I was in... "I dont know...im to confused,.....I cant think and I just wish it would be easier on me...." I look up and wipe my eyes.....I knew he was staring at the ground..... "if you dont love me....I understand...." that was the last I heard of josh .....he drove off and I follow him with my eyes.......heading back home to lay on my bed and wish life would end....I didnt eat....I didnt sleep....the whole night was wasted with just thoughts of him....and what to do....I had one day left....and I couldnt decide with my heart in one place and my mind in the other.......... I shift myself off of the bed and to the bathroom...I dont know how long it was since I cared about my hygene.....but I was to leave that afternoon to the airport.......I walk in and begin to strip down to my body....it was tattered from how much I cared for it these last few days..I was too busy admiring josh to care....but now I had nothing to admire so I just hopped into the shower...the water burned against my skin as I skrubbed every spot of dirt upon my body......I made sure I was perfect even though I had no one to impress...I was back to the way things used to be......I walk out of the shower minutes later and watch as the steam follows along like a lost dog....pulling out my uniform for the college....and quickly get it on....and packing the other three uniforms for the next few days in my suit case and headed out to the car.....on the way I stop by josh's house...I waited in the car right there in front staring for a reply.....but it seemed he wasnt there......I tilt my head down in sadness and forward my car to the airport...... "Plane A is Now Boarding" the intercom announces as I park into the parking lot and make my way to the check in counter.... "you will board the airplane over there"...she points to area C....and I head that way......looking at a pay phone during the walk to the line....I have only one option left.....so I finally decide to pay the quarter and call josh's house.....it rang for hours it seemed as my heart dropped every tone it made....finally I hear the answering machine pick up...and I felt so utterly depressed and miserable..... "hey you reached Josh....if you would do so...leave me a message and I will get back to you asap!" ".........Josh?.........im so sorry I was like that...I love you......and I dont want to leave you.....I am off....I dont know if you would want to talk to me ever again....but...I will never forget you......" "Airplane C to Maine is now boarding....." "Thats my plane....I..I guess this is good bye....."I hung up and began to board the airplane crying....I attempted to hide it but with all the couples and such on the craft....it wasnt a possibility...... ".....bye my love.." josh says to himself holding tightly upon his couch when he hears the answering machine stop.....the couch was soaked and he couldnt do anything to stop it....He had let his love go....and there wasnt a thing to do ........but lay there crying......forever......