im running. running fo far no one can catch me.

and ive been walking around somewhere close to nowhere i havent heard your voice in a year but ive felt your warm skin. tonight, we'll all break down and finally see our skeletons we'll look into the mirror and see who i've become. we're the last ones falling who cares if i lost the fight we've all been going around a 1000 miles per hour and im still spinning in these circles. tonight, we'll all break down and finally see our skeletons we'll look into the mirror and see who i've become. i guess everyone forgot gifts are just an item she laughed and said they didnt matter and we all forgot how to truly live.

wow. i havent written for a while. brett is pissing me off. shawn is pissing me off. he thinks that im stupid or something. and bret just doesnt care. ive decided that im not going to call him anymore. if he wants to talk, he'll call. if he doesnt, then w/e. im getting really frustrated. and i gont even know why. i bet you anything that it's matt's negative energy making me feel this way. he has enough negativity for the world to feed off. oh! and matt's pissing me off. he has this obsession for his ex katherine. and brett talks to katherine more than i talk to him. ugh. w/e. i dont care.

ok. i have serious brett depirvation right now. like. SERIOUSLY. i havent tlaked to him alll day. and not talking to him just make me want to talk to him. our parents talk... and i get to eat dinner with his family on saturday! sooooo excited. i hope his family likes me. i think they will. i hope that brett is ok. im getting worried now. ughhh. ok. i need to stop. tomorrow. my mom is hosting a party for beverly nd dolores. so excited. i get so see tala. --->STOKED. so anyway. its 1230 and im relaly tired. im going to go to bed now. PEACE!

ok. so im really excited. ive got this really good idea for a novel. you are going to have to check it out to know what happens. go to: http://fightingfordelilah.blogspot.com/ this story is about a girl, libby, who has been raped. after her trauma, she finds out that she is pregnant. libby starts to panic. and she is pressured to get an abortion by everyone around her. her raper has left the country. and she falls in love with another boy. but she is scared to open up to anyone. when her father finds out that she is pregnant, he stats to beat her. hoping that the baby will die. its a story of unconditional love and devotion toward a child libby barely knows.

me and brett are back together. who would have guessed?haha. this time it will all be better. we havent gotten into our old routines yet. and when we had a situation similar to it, we worked through it. im happy. really happy. he just needs to answer the phone. haha. i miss him.

she's all alone mistakes come by so often and her heart cant take anymore she scratches away her pain to see it come back and by next time she will be shut closed and her dayjob wont pay touching herself wont make her happy she sees herself a wreck cuts across her legs she just wants to be and this girl cant live she refuses to be happy just once.

ive thought about this so many times before replayed the moments in my mind and tonight tonight im all yours the moment you went on one knee the second you said those 4 words i was yours and tonight tonight it'll be perfect and tonight tonight we'll act like savages for the first time.

dressed in white she brushes her doll's hair and when there is no one around, she kisses into a box for love. her head has deathly aches and she is injected by the poison that kills her... inside out. --------------------> cancer has made her rot --------------------> cancer has given her death without ever experiencing love the little girl blows kisses into her box once more and she saves it --------------------> until she dies.

im in love... and there's no stopping me.

the little girl so blond 1, 2 skip through the meddow the daisy pushed behind her ear innocence the pink sky turns black and the flowers wilt to the enemy's breath innocence brings out the dagger, the bow, the cross she aims for the heart a hit the bull's eye innocence resumes to play ladybugs on her finger and the sky goes back to pink.

MY ADVICE: IF YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE JUST TO FALL BACK IN LOVE WITH THEM, DONT FUCKING GET A NEW GIRLFRIEND AND HURT YOUR EX ALL OVER AGAIN! > MY FUCKING EX DECIDES TO DUMP ME AND THEN GET A NEW GIRL FRIEND. FINE. NO PROBLEM. WHAT AGGRIVATES ME IS, HE STARTS TALKING TO ME AGAIN AND TELLS ME THAT HE LOVES ME AND THAT HE NEVER REALLY GOT OVER ME. uggggggghhhhh. so i tell him. "watch what you're saying. you've got a girlfriend." AND RIGHT WHEN IM OVER HIM AND ON TO ANOTHER GUY.... HE GETS ME TO FUCKING LOVE HIM ALL OVER AGAIN. and then, i look at his myspace. in big bold it says... "TAKEN BY MY GIRLFRIEND" oh! isnt THAT lovely! YOU FUCKING TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME, JUST TO FUCKING DUMP ME ALL FUCKING OVER AGAIN! im sooooo becoming a lesbian. -----> AND THIS NEW GUY! SHAWN! WE'RE FRIENDS. WE COULDNT BE ANYTHING MORE B/C TALA AND LARA LIKE HIM!! OKAY?!?! I HATE HOW I CARE SO MUCH! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO START TALKING TO ME?! WHY COULDNT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?! FUCK! YOU SEE?! THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT THAT PISSES ME OFF ABOUT YOU! YOU ARE A FUCKING ROMEO AND IM JULIET WHO'S ALREADY DEAD. EXCEPT YOU CONFESS YOUR LOVE AND DONT KILL YOURSELF B/C IF I COME BACK TO LIFE, YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR FUN AND THEN EXPECT ME TO BE A BACKUP ALL THE FUCKING TIME!! FUCK!! IM NOT A BACK UP! I WANT SOMEONE WHO IS DEVOTED... AND SHAWN IS DEVOTED ENOUGH. MORE THAN YOU EVER WERE!! UGHHHH!! IM GOING TO BED!! I HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS, BRETT!!

"on pondering what two people should act like when theyre in love, i came up with this answer. There is no set of standards, or guidlines to what it should be like. The only rule is you know when its there." - brett edward gianni buffo-fonseca

FUCK. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i guess he still thinks that he loves me. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

im starting a new story. but since sitdiary wont let me create a new user, i chose a different site. id really like it if you guys could check it out and post what you like on sitdiary. thanks. this is a sort-of true story. its about the one thing that really mattered to me. please check it out. the site: http://drinkthetruth.blogspot.com/ thanks. you guys are awesome.

these are my goals before i die: 1. jump off a roof... and live 2. be in two places at once 3. write a novel 4. direct a film 5. create an art gallery 6. walk down the street... naked 7. model in New York 8. design clothes in Milan 9. find my soulmate 10. jump off a plane... and live 11. swim with sharks... and live 12. become a singer 13. become rich 14. be a world known women's activist 15. cure cancer 16. help the poor 17. have sex 18. travel the globe 19. make an incredible invention 20. drink until i puke 21. have a bon fire 22. light my house on fire 23. sneak out 24. cuss in front of my parents 25. break my leg 26. create a band 27. play in a bar 28. become a bartender 29. learn to play the drums 30. eat at the four seasons 31. live in New York 32. eat pasta in Italy 33. eat snails in France 34. have pizza in New York 35. have greek food in Greece 36. go on a hot air balloon 37. slap someone 38. makeout with a guy i dont know 39. get a mohawk 40. ride an elephant

lalalalalallalalala. im really bored. really really really bored. LALALALALALALALALALALA. "and all this time ive chased you away. simply to catch back up with. your solitude is welcome welcome. your attitude is WELCOME WELCOME!!!" lalalala. singing ALIEN ANT FARM!! w00t w00t!! ch-ch-check it!!! so.... YOU SUCK!!! hahaha. im going to call someone. lets see. nah. im going to creat a list of things to do before i die. 1. jump off a roof... and live. 2. be in two places at once. 3. write a novel. 4. find my soulmate. 5. jump from a plane... and live. 6. swim with sharks... and live 7. become a singer 8. become successful 9. be a world known women's activist. 10. cure cancer 11. help the poor. 12. allow poor people to live in my house until they get on their feet. 13. help my family 14. have sex 15. go to england/ france/ italy/ india/ africa 16. make in incredible invention 17. drink until i puke 18. have a bon fire 19. light my house on fire. 20. die peacefully sounds like a good list to me. W00T W00T!!!! damn, im hyper. lalalalalalalalallaa i like Enya. im listening to her now. i want to do yoga W00T W00T how about taibo lalalala AND KARATE! i used to do karate... until me knees did some wierd thing that i cant spell. HAHAH i love pinnaples and bananas and brett BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT! out of all of them, id say.... bananas.... DEFINENTLY. jk jk pinnaples are way coolr HAHAHAHAH jk!!!!!!!!!! its too hard of a decision THE PRESSURE! im going to study for finals, now. my studying method is... GOING ON MYSPACE!! hahahahah. mwahahahaha!! i love lara. and tala and moe and dani and amelia and yogi I LOVE THE WORLD I AM FILLED WITH LOVE!!! love ya !

new day. i just started finals. god. my tutor is REALLY starting to piss me off, now. SHE WONT LEAVE ME ALONE!!! w/e. so. i was looking at brett's profile on myspace. im not even angry. im actually kind of relieved. i dont know why. but i keep thinking that we'll get back together. like this is just another fight. except bigger. its weird. its like im caught between two feelings. i love him. but then i hate him for hurting me. and i think that what's happening now will just be a phase. ive seen it in a vision. ive seen that we will break up and not tlak for a few years and then we will meet up again. its crazy. ive got a gut feeling about it though. and i know that he's had visions of us being together when we were older. but his new gf seems nice. not that ive talked to her or anything. life's getting really complicated. and i swear to god. i think im bi-polar. watch, in an hour i will hate him for something gay. i guess i can admit taht i was one of those freak girlfriends. but that was only because i had a right to be. i guess i was too tight. im making it a goal to change all my bad habits this summer and become extremely poised. i want to get a new boyfriend. move on. although, i HAVE moved on. its a process that i go through everytime i break up with someone. or get over them. it just takes a while until they are out of my head. and if i get a rebound, that will just make things worse. i kind of lied to brett, though. i was angry and said that i have a new bf. ut i dont. lol. i dont want one either. i should start going out with girls. i should call brianna now that i think about it. brett seems to keep wanting to fight with me. but fighting just shows that we fight because we care. i dont want to care. and he should be focusing on his new gf. i hope that he doesnt hurt her like he hurt me. that would stink. but i dont think i should tell her about what he did. or else that will just ruin everything for them. im happy for him. honestly. and i feel so... free

um yeah. i feel like shit. and brett is most likely going to read this. i think that this diary is the only way we let each other know how we truly feel. his new gf. i dont think they're going to last. my other friends dont think so either. he likes her for her boobs. i think. i dont know. i dont talk to him anymore. it kills me. but i know that he asks about me to lara. but he doesnt miss me. w/e. i miss him but if he doesnt want anything to do with me. fine. he started talking to me on myspace and was upset about my last entry. i pretty much didnt mean anything i wrote in that entry. i was really angry. and i dont know what i feeel. obviously he doesnt care. but i guess its time to move on. he keeps blaming me for everything and making it seem like i ruimned our relationship. but i didnt break up with him. he broke up with me. and i never gave up. even after we were done. and now that ive given up, he's pissed. w/e i dont know waht to think about him. he's not that same as he used to be. i liked him so much more when he was innocent. now he's a monster that's taken over. ive influenced him for the better. but he seems to think that im always competing with him. im not. i do and say what i do because i care about him. i really did love him. head over heals. but i dont think that he ever did. well, i actually feel like he did at one point. but he doesnt anymore. and i still dont know if i do or dont. he is off with all the other girls he has and im here... with someone else. im happy that i got to fall in love. i dont know when i will next, though. maybe i never will. but i think i will. ive decided that im going to the park with taylor. and im never going to see brett again. he hurts me so much. and he doesnt even realize it. i dont know whenn we're leaving. but i hope soon. i miss you, brett. but that doesnt make any difference. and ill miss you and everyone else when i leave.

so. im pretty uch sitting in my room. upset, b/c my ex doesnt care for me any more. well, not that i care about him. well, i dont know. i will always love him. but he's not grasping the fact that i dont like him anymore. or else i would have gotten back together with him if i did like him. but w/e. he's with ASHLEY and ALEXANDRA now. it almost seems like he deliberatley wants to make me jeleous. he KNOWS that im a jeleous person. and he's most l;ikely going to be reading this in the future. i want you to know, brett. i will ALWAYS love you. but im no longer IN love with you. and please dont give me anymore shit about how you are in love with me b/c that just makes it harder for us both to let go. its time to let go. and ive already done my part. but now you have to do yours. but anyway. there is this guy i like. i like him ALOT though. too bad he has a girlfriend. wll, at least he knows that i exist. unlike my last relationship. last week, we were hanging out. we went to the cobalt with some friends. i wast expecting him to be there. and if i was, i would have looked hot. but he looks at me and the first thing he says is "you look familiar". my heart skipped a beat. and all throughout the night i caught him looking at me from across the room or whereever. you know that feeling where even though your back is turned, you can feel their eyes on you? thats what it was. so everytime i felt that. i looked around and found him looking at me. he didnt know that the first time i had met him was the same night that i met brett, but i guess he remembered me. suprisingly, ive sen him around alot. more than once or twice. we didnt talk to each other obviouslt, but he remembered me. maybe it's fate :]