well, i hadnt seen you in a month i mean i missed you of course but i was doing okay in fact i even considered myself happy content was the word i suppose and then a month later there you were sitting right next to me in the mall you told me you missed me |--this--| much i told you you're gf was ugly you asked me why i had to be so cute and inside i begged and pleaded for you to pick me over her i wrote you an email about how much you kill me inside every time how much you break my heart every time and you told me 'it kills me too, thats why i come back' i came to a realization you never lose and its because you have everything you could ever want two girls that adore you and of which you adore them yes? no. i came to a realization you dont want anyone else to have me even though you cant i asked you you told me you'd be jealous see, you hold me down on purpose you make sure i cant get away you make sure that you dont miss out well im sorry and i wholeheartedly apologize but you're not going to hold me down any longer you're going to call i know you're going to want to hang out and you're going to email but my darling, my love, my baby it wont be the same you'll lean in for that kiss that i'd once let you steal and this time i'll back away i'll turn my head oh it'll hurt it'll hurt like hell turning away the one guy i truly trust turning away someone i've loved with every part of me but i'll do it because it's time to let go i'm tired of you holding me down i'm ready to start anew and he's ready to trust me as long as i stop talking to you because he knows as well as i that without hesitation i'd run back to you. so i'm going to do it for him. and maybe just maybe he can rebuild my twice broken heart i came to a realization i love too easily and too much so i love to write. and express how i feel.

we can help!" yea well, fuck you. i'm erasing you and i'm happy..i've spent the last two hours going through random trinkets that i have collected over the years.i've cleaned out my moms closetand i can finally see the surface of my desk.i've flipped through photo albums of past trips to florida canada and north carolinai haven't accomplished too much this summerbut today, made up for everything.i wanted a new start.i wished for change.it is finally here.the past thrown away with grade-five-reading-level books and happy meal toys. memories sorted into "keep" and "sell" piles.photographs.i'm scared.this summer-defines the future.releases me from the past.writes the stories of the present.i told myself this time i am not going to care. i don't need to hear it anymore. i don't need you. on the ride home from somewhere the car had been soaked with rain drops. they changed colours. green red green yellow red green yellow i decided to stare out the car window and let the tears stream down my face. in the distace i saw the city. the yellows of the windows were muffled with a sheet of navy night sky. i saw reds and greens and silhouettes of large towering buildings. the beauty of it broguht my thoughts to silence. i turned away and thought it doesn't matter anymore. i used to draw. paint. create. and i miss it more than anything. i wonder but come never come to a conclusion. i lack the ability to think outside the drawn lines. i am redundant. i strive to be different to like myself just a little more the more i try the more i fail. i do not have the ability to write. i can't pour my feelings onto paper i can't draw or paint them i can't speak the words that are suposed to be right. do you want to go out to montauk with me? it's odd how people grow. grow up. grow apart.oh goodness. the past few days have been insane. i can't control my anger anymore, and after using the word "fuck" more than one humdred times, i still do not feel any better. it erks me so much that people can walk around, ignore, and pretend that nothing is wrong. i pray for you. i pray for you every night, for things to get better. for things to reamin normal, but normal is such a silly word. who am i kidding, things will never be normal. as you are changing so am i, and i never imagined i would see the day where you cried and appologized. i never thought this disease would win, but as it eats away at your soul, and you become lesser and lesser, i stand by and watch. i'm helpless and all i can do is wish. wish for something better, i seem to be getting very good at that. "She said, "It looks as if you've lost your best friend."I tell her I've definitely lost something close to me.I can taste the failure on my lips.You know I'd love to just go back.You can feel the world biting at my heels........Stare straight at the wall until the tears form.There's just something about the night. It gets me everytime.Is it already too late to dream? They move on. I stand still.There's something about the night. That gets me everytime.To highlight your dreams is to give in to a false reality.I gave up, I gave in. The joke is always on me...."those have to be the best lyrics.. ever.. for my life right now.evil is in everybody's heart and when the evil comes out, its so hard to forgive...even with the good glowing around after... i cant forgive that person. i cant speak or see him. he is disgusting.There was a yellow knight that wished to save me, but I sat next to a boy with greasy hair and green vans. I chose the boy. I chose the boy, because moments like this are the reason I survive. The reason I keep going. Sooner or later these moments are going to Die. And so am I. i've zig-zagged all over america and i cannot find a safety haven. would you let me cry on your shoulder? i heard you'd try anything twice.we stumbled through the cemented park because that's all we could bring ourselves to do. i tackled him once or twice.we stumbled through the dividers filled with colorful plastic and fonts we could never name. teach me more about what you know so i can fill myself with something other than want. fill my belly with another need so maybe this feeling will go away. i would give you sickness the way you give me pleasure. it mixes and matches and toils with emotions. it was something we talked about when i spread out on the bed and thought out loud. maybe people try to hard for someone they cant have, meanwhile ignoring others that might be interested. hint hint: jackie. in my head i'm thinking, "die." in my heart i'm feeling, "dead." we stumbled and fell. i rolled over and looked into his eyes. i'm still trying to find my way back.alright, so this isn't necessarily bliss. to tell the shitty truth this might just be a normal thing. an everyday thing. lesser than an everyday thing. i want somone to know that i dont want it to be. i want someone, anyone, any soul to know that for once i'd like this to be a "special". not just anyone could have this relationship..? i rolled over and rubbed my eyes, scratching out the guck and turning onto my stomach, my head twisted to the right. i remember watching her press her cheek up to the cold glass. i remember knowing she wanted to get out. she wanted to leave her life, leave us, just for a moment. do you believe in soulmates? i'm staring at the gray wall that reflects a sort of dull glare and it doesnt make me sad, but makes me feel slightly normal. do you believe in soulmates? maybe. if someone were to ask me why i write i would tell them i write so i dont do something worse. i write so i dont cry myself to sleep when i feel like shit. i write so maybe one day i could read this and pretend i was alway ok. maybe laugh at my slight insanity. you see, this is me beating myself up again. this is me sober for two weeks and back again. i get my fix then there's a small threat to never get it again. then my stomach does this sort of sinking lost feeling. it's probably the worst emotional feeling i've ever experienced. and it all has to do with a damn human. I'm thinking about the past. I realize dense forest of pure green is beautiful. I realize i already knew that. I realize the cold Atlantic coast with waves crashing againsts cliffs is beautiful. I realize i already knew that. I realize three days in Toledo is enough. I realize I like the city, light, and being around people I hate. Everything I already know is so easy. It's so easy to accept, nod, and understand. It's so safe. Warm. Uninteresting. All the damn mood rings told me I was calm. They told me I was relaxed. They told me I had love. Mood rings don't know what the hell they're talking about. Try on one. two. three. four. I hate Mood rings. She sits on a bar stool smiling broadly in my direction. It was a cheap imitation of a smile. I'm sure she paid close to nothing for it, worse, possibly my mother bought it for her. "what did you do recently, jackie?" I spent most of my time wallowing in self pity, thank you very much. I spent most of my time in the room given to me, watching the audio commentary on any DVD I could get my hands on. The bed was a Full size, slightly smaller than mine at home. I spread out and drank Margaritas. Lonely. Pathetic. hah. I laugh. And now. I'm home. i'm throwing up in my head and i'm not ok. but i am ok. everything is terrible. everything is perfect. everything is great. i'm not lying. i'm not lying. i'm not lying. i'm not lying. i promise.why the fuck did garden state make me cry. fuck.but right now i feel like i'm waiting for something but nothing is coming and i'm not tired and i'm just here...here....here...right here... death to the heartache, nothing is ok.it's getting late as i stuff left over mexican food in my mouth. i'm always hungry. always. i'm gaining weight. always. how about you, me, dinner? "You're going to throw away your life with him. You're going to have nothing, you know that? Do you want nothing, Jackie?"I just turned away from mother anger and whispered."...Its because I am nothing."i like laying down and staring at the dark wall. the bed is comfortable and the glow of the TV lights the room slightly. i enjoy these moments, right before sleep takes hold. slowly losing conciousness. breathing slows. body relaxes. eyes close. reality slips away. the covers are warm and welcoming. the worries of today begin to drown. the worries of tomorrow are post-poned. sleep.

Bold the ones you have done played spin the bottle toliet paper someone's house played poker with money gone swimming in a white t-shirt be tickled so hard you couldn't talk liked someone but never told them went camping had a crush on your brother's friend walked in the rain without an umbrella told a joke that nobody thought was funny been in a talent show starting laughing at a bad time wore something your mother didn't aprove of been to a nude beach smoked a ciggarette smoked pot drank smirnoff ice drank jack daniels cursed in a church had sex in a hot tub wanted to be a chef been called a slut for kissing someone burnt yourself with a curling iron/straightener wanted to be a police officer dumped someone been hit on by someone too old wanted to be a model bought lottery tickets made out in a car cried during a movie wanted something you couldn't have had sex on the beach had the drink, sex on the beach seen someone shoplift hung up on someone yelled at your pet bought a thong when the cashier was a guy tried to strip when drunk gotten seasick had a stalker.. NICK (angi has him too!) played a prank on someone that had them really scared been embarassed by your family felt bad about eating meat protested something been to an island been in love (or close) ate just because you were bored looked at something everyone thought was ugly and said "aww" screamed in a library made out with a stranger wished a part of you was different asked a guy to dance been asked out by a really hot guy (I think so...) laughed so hard you cried went up to a complete stranger and started talking been sunburned (Currently am) kicked a guy in the nuts for being a perv threw up in school received an anonymous love letter had to wear something you hated been to a luau saw your ex and wanted to kick his ass cursed infront of your parents been in a commercial on tv watched a movie that made you miss your ex been out of your country been honked at by some guy when you were walking down the sidewalk won at pool went to a party where you were the only sober one went on a diet been lost out to sea been told an extremely stupid line played truth-or-dare cheated on your boyfriend tanned topless been attacked by seagulls been searched at an airport been pants-ed thrown a shoe at someone broke someone's heart... Maybe? sung in the shower Nsync bitches... bought something way too expensive $30 lip gloss? done something really stupid that you still laugh about been walked in on when you were dressing ran out of a movie theatre because you were too scared of the movie been kicked out of the mall been mean to someone then instantly wanted to take it back been given a detention on the worst day that you could get one done something stupid when you were drunk fell off your roof pretended you were scared so you could cuddle up to someone had a deer jump in front of your car threatened someone with a water gun can you : unwrap a starburst with your tongue sing open your eyes underwater eat whatever you want and not have to worry ice skate sing in front of a crowd whistle be a bitch at times do thirty pull ups walk in really high heels eat super spicey foods attract alot of boys skateboard sleep with lights on multi-task touch your nose with your tongue fall asleep easily in a car do the cotton eyed joe play DDR and not fail surf fit in your locker taste the difference between coke and pepsi do a split.. Heck Yes BITCHES!

we've hit a plateau. this could be a good sign, or a very bad one. i'm my case, i've grown accustomed to thinking that plateaus only forshadow a downfall, as a lot of them do. i've never, in reality, come across a plateau that ascends after becoming bored with its surroundings. i've only known them to go down in my lfe. our plateau i pray will not descend, but since downhill slopes are what i'm used to, i see it no other way. i hope somehow he can prove me wrong, and i'm awaiting the day that his smile awed me like it did that first day. it still amazes me, i'm not bored with it, but the excitement of it like it was the day we met is gone. who knows, maybe it's not that it's only fading in my eyes. it could be fading in general, his own life might make him smile less. but that still worries me as much because i am a part of his life, and love isn't supposed to make smiles fade. i just don't know if love can do it anymore. i'm willing to work through this plateau if you are. the view at the top i hear is to die for, so seeing it with you is unfathomable to me. people always say that when they fall in love, they don't fall in love with the person, but they fall in love with everything about them. i never knew what they meant, until now. i looked at him tonight, and realized how much i love every crevice of his body. every scar, bruise, and shadow of his face. i see them, and i love them. no more or less than i love him as a whole. i feel somewhat like a naive little girl for admitting this urban legend to be true. and, though, i doubted it for many others, when it happens it really happens. when i look over the curves of his face, he creases of his skin, the lines of truth all over him, my legs turn into butter, and i only wish in that moment to melt into him.

silhouettes call my name in the still of the night. summoned from my four-walled comfort zone, i confront its shrilling ambiguity. standing there, groping a cigarette with nerves reacting from 5 feet and 8 inches down to the stained pavement. hand in pocket, same chilling smile that he's flaunted from day one. day one: when i noticed his honest eyes studying my every move, noticing every known fact that i take out of my purse. pink orbit gum, gold zippo, blond attention span. that same smile that was leaning up against a wall, guarded by a cloud of smoke that night, summoned me from the street tonight...cloud of smoke never lets me down by not showing up. and when the smoke falls and his barrier is down, that smile never fails by lifting me up and leaving me weak in the knees. PinkChampagne311: hey im pretty busty DeadByRadio: we all know im a busty man

surrounded by their comfortable murmer which always kept its constant pace. i take pleasure in our ongoing drama. it gives me hope that my handful of individual chemistries will last as long as they're meant to. like everyone else, when we're in the midst of our raised voices and redundant selfish states of mind we tend to hate the situation that we've all found ourselves in. we tend to hate each other for about five minutes, and then someone will break the silence by bringing up one of the many amazing moments we shared in the past. all at once the forced hatred that was bestowed on each indestructable bond instantly shatters like attacked glass when we all contribute to the uproar of laughter that will mend the tears in our hand-quilted safety blanket.

its amazing how easily one can change their view of someone so quickly. he saw me one way one day, and in the right setting, with the right lighting and perfect angle, he sees me as something else. he now sees me how they all do, no longer as someone out of touch, out of reach. i am easily within his grasp like i always have been, but now we're in the same zone. he was always a little more than an arm's length away from me. someone i could only admire from afar, and though he's come closer within my grasp, he still is untouchable. he will always be one step higher, forever uneffected by my sweet attempts, my disappointing tactics. that idea was what became familiarity to me. i became comfortable with the thought that i could only study his movements from a safe distance. but we both crossed our boundaries that night, our judgement clouded by the fog that surrounded us. we found ourselves standing on the ledge, looking out into an endless, hazy abyss. and we found home in it that night. he crossed paths into my square, and my square we shared. i've traced his outline through the air for as long as i can remember, and this time he was tracing mine, and space and time were no longer holding us back. Gosh, I love this boy. he is so amazing to me. everytime we talk. everytime we touch he never ceases to do something to take my breath away. every second i am with him i will never take for grated. my knight in shinning armor coming to save me when no one else will care. he has become so close to me over these past few days.

this blog speaks for all who trusted a friend that betrayed us. not only has she made herself into the complete opposite of when we met her and loved about her. it hurts so much to see someone close to you hurt you. she has acted only like such the marionette she wishes to someday be, and her puppet master has done nothing but intoxicate her pure thoughts and influence towards her friends and poisoned her perspective on who really cares about her. we have watched our loved one, our trusted partner in crime slowly slip through the cracks which he has chiselled out for her. she has grown backwards from a caring, loving, purehearted young woman (which we truly loved), into nothing but a callous machine seeking nothing but destruction of all her former relationships. we have nothing more to say. we loved you. Yours Truely ♥

I hate Katie and Cory. I hate that he wants to be with her. I hate that he tells her what he used to tell me. I hate that I can't be good enough for him anymore. I hate that he doesn't love me. I hate that I care. I hate that I make myself care. I hate that I can't heal my broken ♥ Even after 3 months. Its still not whole.

Yes!! I'm having a good day minus my little mishap with a knife this morning. (yes I cut.. Sorry Matty!) But I am actually having a good day because I refuse to let anyone bring me down! And I am enjoying the look of my new layout! haha I hope the rest of my like two viewers enjoy it! haha Well. I think Matt is coming over tonight. Man do I love him! ♥ but Yes. If I must say so, if you want to see how much of a great guy he is then read the last journal entry although it is rather long. Hmph. Its stressful re-doing a room. I have decided on the colors red black and silver. I think it would look good. With a love/paris theme. I'll be cute I promise! haha.. But there really is nothing for me to say!! I'm glad my sister is back from daybreak for the weekend. I really missed her.. well I still do miss her because I have yet to really talk to her since she got back! thats okay. We'll have our chance tomorrow! (: Garsh I can't wait to finish my room..

xMisShapenChaos:I don't feel like talking MyFriendIsATaco: hey, i just tried calling MyFriendIsATaco: i was not over katies todya Auto response from xMisShapenChaos: Does it all simply end in a blanket of darkness? xMisShapenChaos: I don't care MyFriendIsATaco: i acme home and fell asleep xMisShapenChaos: I don't feel like talking MyFriendIsATaco: well whats wrong? xMisShapenChaos: Nothing. I don't want to talk xMisShapenChaos: I'm sure katie will tell you MyFriendIsATaco: what happened? MyFriendIsATaco: i was seriously not over her house today xMisShapenChaos: Thats fine. MyFriendIsATaco: what did she say to you? xMisShapenChaos: Nothing, forget it MyFriendIsATaco: :-( MyFriendIsATaco: think of post-it notes :-D xMisShapenChaos: I'm not happy..I'm not going to be tonight. MyFriendIsATaco: can you explain to me what happened? xMisShapenChaos: I'm literally like making myself sick with the thoughts of all the stress in my life MyFriendIsATaco: please, you wanted to talk before, and im sorry i was sleeping and didnt have my phone on me xMisShapenChaos: Its fine xMisShapenChaos: i don't want to talk MyFriendIsATaco: thast not good MyFriendIsATaco: you have to talk MyFriendIsATaco: please xMisShapenChaos: I don't have anything to say MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, dammit, i want to help you! xMisShapenChaos: Theres nothing to help xMisShapenChaos: Read my journal.. thats as big of an explaination as you're going to ger MyFriendIsATaco: I think I might have messed things up with Matt MyFriendIsATaco: ?? xMisShapenChaos: If you knew what me and katie talked about. MyFriendIsATaco: tell me MyFriendIsATaco: i dont care what it is xMisShapenChaos: No. MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, there is nothing you can say that would screw things up between us xMisShapenChaos: I bet MyFriendIsATaco: dont be afraid xMisShapenChaos: I'm not xMisShapenChaos: i don't want to talk about it xMisShapenChaos: Talk to me Matt MyFriendIsATaco: im trying to! xMisShapenChaos: Not about that.. MyFriendIsATaco: no, i want to MyFriendIsATaco: if youre not going to, im going to call katie, and i dont want to do that becasue she lies xMisShapenChaos: well no one ever believes me anyways. MyFriendIsATaco: i always believe you xMisShapenChaos: brb xMisShapenChaos: Alright xMisShapenChaos: She was just like reading my previous journal entry with the lyrics in it and it says "I love you so much" and she was like is that about cory because I know thats not about Matt, and I was like its not about cory.. xMisShapenChaos: Its not about anyone.. shes all like "I hear that you're telling people that you are only dating matt out of sympathy" which I aslo said I never said and wasn't true. But she doesn't believe me.. MyFriendIsATaco: ok...so why is that bothering me? i believe you xMisShapenChaos: No.. xMisShapenChaos: You will believe her.. xMisShapenChaos: I just know it MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, no, i wont xMisShapenChaos: Because there is something good in my life.. its bound to be messed up MyFriendIsATaco: no jackie MyFriendIsATaco: trust me, please xMisShapenChaos: I do.. MyFriendIsATaco: i will NEVER let anything katie says ruin what we have MyFriendIsATaco: believe me when i say this, i dont want to mess this up as much as you dont, you are the best thing to ever happen to me, there is no way im goign to ever let something someone else said to ruin it xMisShapenChaos: you say that but thats what mike said too and look at what happened with him and jess? MyFriendIsATaco: i dotn know how to prove it to you to make it better, i just dont, you have to trust me on this xMisShapenChaos: I do trust you MyFriendIsATaco: well i dont know what else to tell you xMisShapenChaos: Don't worry about it MyFriendIsATaco: you need to stop comparing us to other people xMisShapenChaos: I know MyFriendIsATaco: other people make mistake...im sure we will too, but were different people xMisShapenChaos: I know xMisShapenChaos: I just don't wnat to mess up like I know I will MyFriendIsATaco: no you wont xMisShapenChaos: you obviously don't know me that well then MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, im a very forgiving person MyFriendIsATaco: it would take A LOT, and i mean A LOT to make me want to break up with you, trust me xMisShapenChaos: I do trust you. xMisShapenChaos: I don;t trust myself. MyFriendIsATaco: dont worry about it...i know you love me MyFriendIsATaco: thats all that matters xMisShapenChaos: Yea xMisShapenChaos: I just feel bad you have to put up with me when my world is falling apart more than it ever has before.. I'm not like this.. I never was.. MyFriendIsATaco: thats why im trying to help you MyFriendIsATaco: its not a matter of me "putting up with you", i love you, i look forward to being with you MyFriendIsATaco: its not a burden xMisShapenChaos: I don't know anymore Matt, everything that I have ever kept inside is about to boil over. Every emotion I ever had, every tear I ever held back seems to all be coming out at one moment and I am powerless to stop it. I feel as though I am screaming in the middle of a crowded room at the top of my lungs and no one even bothers to realize I am there. I have never felt so alone and worthless in my entire like and I don't like feeling this way. I hate it actually. I miss being happy. Today with you I was so happy. When I am with you I am the happiest I have been in a long time. But I still can't talk to you about everything. it will scare you off how messed up I really am. I would rather be alone the ever hurt you. MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, i promise you can never hurt me by telling me something MyFriendIsATaco: it will never make me not want to talk to you xMisShapenChaos: I don't know anymore Matt.. I'm not sure of anything MyFriendIsATaco: you need to be sure MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, i want to go somewhere and talk with you xMisShapenChaos: I don't want to talk about the things I've been through. I don't want to talk about the things I've never told anyone. Anyone. Conversations on AIM can be read by people you don't want them to.. Online diaries can be hacked... but my mind can't. The secrets lie there forever.. chaining me down. Even if I let them out, I'd still be stuck in hell. I can't erase any of it. I can't fix it. No one can. No one can save me. The lights that try to guide me are swallowed in the void. MyFriendIsATaco: wow, theres some really complicated wording in there... MyFriendIsATaco: haha MyFriendIsATaco: i dotn know what to say, or what i can do, i want you to talk to me, you need tot alk to me xMisShapenChaos: Did you not read what I just wrote? xMisShapenChaos: I don't want to talk MyFriendIsATaco: yes i did MyFriendIsATaco: but you NEED to MyFriendIsATaco: you cant keep all of this shit in you xMisShapenChaos: I don't see the good it would do. You wouldn't understand either way. All it would do is open up a number of opportunities for it to be used against me. Having it out is no different any way. the memories are still there to haunt me. Talking will NEVER take that away MyFriendIsATaco: if you dont want anything bad to happen, you need to tell me everything about anything MyFriendIsATaco: but i cant help, at least id know what is going on MyFriendIsATaco: and there is no way it would get used against you, i would not tell anybody about anything xMisShapenChaos: Matt, there is a void in my life, in my heart that needs to be filled. By love beyond one person. I need my parents to love me. My dad to appoligize to me. I need my best friend to admit she was wrong like I have. In the past week I have lost more people close to me than ever before. Their death would have been better than this. At least they would be 6 feet under ground and not in front of my face teasing me and taunting me with the love they refuse to give to me. MyFriendIsATaco: im sorry :-( MyFriendIsATaco: i dont understand why nobody loves you... MyFriendIsATaco: there is no reason to MyFriendIsATaco: i wish i had enough love for all of those peopel combined :-( xMisShapenChaos: Its okay Matt, really MyFriendIsATaco: no, its not MyFriendIsATaco: are you allowed to leave right now? xMisShapenChaos: No xMisShapenChaos: I don't want to talk even if I was MyFriendIsATaco: well i just wnat to be with you MyFriendIsATaco: and try to help MyFriendIsATaco: adn you can talk as much or as little as you want MyFriendIsATaco: i want to be there for you xMisShapenChaos: I don't NEED anyone to be there for me xMisShapenChaos: they were never there before and I got along fine MyFriendIsATaco: yes you do MyFriendIsATaco: youre not doing fine xMisShapenChaos: Yes I am MyFriendIsATaco: im sorry, but youre not, i dont wnat to be mean about it xMisShapenChaos: Why aren't I? MyFriendIsATaco: you said it yourself...youre falling apart xMisShapenChaos: But I am capeable of building myself up again.. I have done it before without anyone's help MyFriendIsATaco: but i want to help...itd make things easier MyFriendIsATaco: you need to not keep the peopel taht do love you shunned out of your life xMisShapenChaos: Matt, you are the only one. you are not out of my life, MyFriendIsATaco: i feel like i am MyFriendIsATaco: you dont want to tell me everything, and you dont want me to help you...what else am i here for? xMisShapenChaos: Just love me no matter what, if my world is falling apart. or I'm on top of it.. Just love me MyFriendIsATaco: i do love you, but it hurts me to see you like this when there is nothing i can do about it MyFriendIsATaco: thats why i want to see you right now just so i can hug you and reassure you things will be alrigh and so you know im here for you MyFriendIsATaco: i will always be there for you, no matter what your problem is....thats why i truely believe that i am in love with you right now xMisShapenChaos: I love you too.. More than anything.. but I need to deal with this on my own. xMisShapenChaos: You are not always going to be there for me to lean on. I don't want to get used to you being my crutch when something is wrong then you leave and my world fall apart again MyFriendIsATaco: i will always be there for you....im not leaving austintown...unless you do, then i can always keep in touch with you MyFriendIsATaco: but for now, im not going anywhere MyFriendIsATaco: at least until you graduate... xMisShapenChaos: But not even that. If we were to break up.. If anything were to happen and you weren't there. I want to be able to keep my world together on my own. Not because you held it up MyFriendIsATaco: i understand....i just want to help you bring your world back together quicker MyFriendIsATaco: im not asking you to just rely on me, but i can help xMisShapenChaos: I know xMisShapenChaos: But I don't need help xMisShapenChaos: This is my life and my problems xMisShapenChaos: I don't want you to get involved in this black hole that is my life. I don't want you to understand how I feel or even know. Its painful and I don't wish it upon anyone. MyFriendIsATaco: but you dont understand...your problems are my problems too xMisShapenChaos: Why are they? xMisShapenChaos: I created them all on my own. I can diminish them on my own too xMisShapenChaos: Matt.. I am fine.. Really.. MyFriendIsATaco: becasue it would be impossible for me to just let you go and not ever question you about anything...if you have a problem, i obligate myself to help you xMisShapenChaos: Please just let it go. I am fine MyFriendIsATaco: theyre not actually "my problems", just i make it a point to help you with it, i dont want to see you sad xMisShapenChaos: I'm not sad with you, you make me happier than I have been in a long time.. MyFriendIsATaco: i know, you were happy today :-D im that good xMisShapenChaos: Yea xMisShapenChaos: This is seriously how I feel.. Kill me. Now. Please? I don't care how. Slit my throat, put a bullet through my brain, choke me, break my neck... I don't want to put up with this. Any of this. It's too much to deal with. I'm forcing myself so much to appear semi-happy. And it's not working. All it does is make me more aggravated. I hate this. And I hate myself. I want this all to die.. ..but I want myself to more. I want to give up.. but I've done so much work already. And it's still leading me nowhere... except down. I've got no distance left to fall. MyFriendIsATaco: ok, wow, im scared for you right now xMisShapenChaos: I just can't take this.. xMisShapenChaos: I think I am going to go to my room.. MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, please, i need to see you now xMisShapenChaos: try to sleep this off.. I don't want to talk.. xMisShapenChaos: No.. MyFriendIsATaco: i need to hug you and reassure you xMisShapenChaos: I don't need reassurance.. xMisShapenChaos: I came into this world alone, I'll leave that way. Maybe sooner than people would have expected MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, no MyFriendIsATaco: you dont know how badly id feel if you killed yourself MyFriendIsATaco: first off, youd ruin my dating life forever!! id NEVER be able to date somebody because id feel i killed them!, haha, but seriously, you are my world right now....i would do anything for you (within reason), if you killed yourself, id probably kill myself too, you are the only person holding me together right now, without you, id have probably already killed myself xMisShapenChaos: But Matt, there is nothing wrong in your life. You have friends that care about you.. Mallory, kaite, Abby.. even the guys.. Think of Mark. You guys are close. He would miss you.. The only people who would be at my funeral (other thna the people obligated to be there) would be you and my sister.. Beacuse you loved me.. genuinely loved me. You life would not fall apart. You would find another girl, nicer, prettier, and smarter than me. fall in love and forget I even existed. Its the circle of relationships.. You would get bettter. I have been waiting for things to get better since I was like 7 when I realized things were bad MyFriendIsATaco: im sorry, but yes, i was falling apart, yes i have friends, but that just wasnt cutting it, i needed to be actually loved, it was something ive never experienced before adn im loving every moment of it now, i never wnat it to end, you never knew how i actually felt because i was always happy when i was aroudn you, for soemreason i always felt a connection with you from the day we "cuddled" outside of the skate park...i knew you were someone special xMisShapenChaos: wasn't it rainy that day? haha I remember.. Yes, I enjoyed that too. MyFriendIsATaco: no...it definitely wasnt rainy, at least not when we were outside xMisShapenChaos: haha xMisShapenChaos: No, it was wet. xMisShapenChaos: haha xMisShapenChaos: I remember.. xMisShapenChaos: Oh hush MyFriendIsATaco: alls i know is that crusades of an omlet performed and you missed it, haha xMisShapenChaos: haha, xMisShapenChaos: yes because I went to get McD's MyFriendIsATaco: but honestly, but that night, ive had some sort of feeling for you MyFriendIsATaco: it wasnt love then....but it was just a connection i felt between you xMisShapenChaos: I thought you like.. didn't even want to be my friend.. hmph MyFriendIsATaco: haha, you also had cory then too xMisShapenChaos: Yes, I did MyFriendIsATaco: so im not expecting you to havea connection with me xMisShapenChaos: No, I wanted to be your friend.. But I loved cory MyFriendIsATaco: i understand xMisShapenChaos: But thats the past.. MyFriendIsATaco: :-) MyFriendIsATaco: is that a smile? xMisShapenChaos: Yea MyFriendIsATaco: yay! xMisShapenChaos: mhm.. xMisShapenChaos: its gone though MyFriendIsATaco: damn MyFriendIsATaco: better than nothing though xMisShapenChaos: :( I look like that again MyFriendIsATaco: :-( MyFriendIsATaco: im like that again too MyFriendIsATaco: actually, im more like :- MyFriendIsATaco: im actually thinking about you and my brains not used to it, haha xMisShapenChaos: what are you thinking? MyFriendIsATaco: about how much i love you and how much you mean to me and just how everything you have said to me makes me feel xMisShapenChaos: haha thats okay.. dave is getting me fries with a frostie! MyFriendIsATaco: haha xMisShapenChaos: How does it make you feel.? MyFriendIsATaco: i have mixed feelings...im happy about how you feel for me, but thats only me being selfish in a way, but im just generally sad about what you are going though and there is nothing i can do about it...i really dont think you haev any idea about how that feels xMisShapenChaos: I do know how that feels MyFriendIsATaco: its just im a very compassionate person to people in general...i always care about how other people feel, no matter who they are...but then theres you...my favorite person out of everyone....the love of my life....the most important thing to me EVER...and youre sad, and i cant fix it...its a bit overwhelming for me...ive always been able to help any of my friends problems before, katie would come to me with a problem, or mallory, and id just be able to talk to them and reassure them about stuff and everything would be alright...i cant do that with you...and i dont know how to deal wiht it xMisShapenChaos: But I'm okay xMisShapenChaos: My world is not falling apart. I over-exaggerate.. Nothing is wrong.. Fprget I said anything xMisShapenChaos: I'm okay. I promise MyFriendIsATaco: im sorry, but i dont believe you on that xMisShapenChaos: Why.? MyFriendIsATaco: i cant xMisShapenChaos: Why.? xMisShapenChaos: I'm alright, I promise.. xMisShapenChaos: Matt, believe me.. stop worring about me.. MyFriendIsATaco: i cant stop worrying about you! you dont understand obviously xMisShapenChaos: I do.. xMisShapenChaos: I get that you care.. But If you cared you'd let me figure this out for myself MyFriendIsATaco: there is no way i could tell myself to not worry about you xMisShapenChaos: Then worry away.. xMisShapenChaos: I love you so much. Thank you for being there for me and my crazyness.. xMisShapenChaos: but I swear.. My world is okay.. I'm okay.. MyFriendIsATaco: is that 100% truth there? xMisShapenChaos: no. MyFriendIsATaco: ok then MyFriendIsATaco: i know its not MyFriendIsATaco: i know you better than that xMisShapenChaos: I know xMisShapenChaos: I wish I could see you now. and you were here to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. MyFriendIsATaco: so do i MyFriendIsATaco: ive been wanting to do that MyFriendIsATaco: so badly xMisShapenChaos: I wish I oculd just pour my heart out to you.. But, I can't MyFriendIsATaco: well thats up to you MyFriendIsATaco: i wish you could too MyFriendIsATaco: but i cant force you to xMisShapenChaos: I know.. MyFriendIsATaco: i wish that you never had to leave me, you are happy when youre with me, im happy whem im wiht you... xMisShapenChaos: its not that I don;t trust you. I know I can tell you anything. Idon't want to break down and cry with you there. xMisShapenChaos: i don't want you to ever see me cry MyFriendIsATaco: jackie, if you did that, there would be no shame in it, thats what im here for...i would not think anything less of you, i would think more of you actually, i would know that you are comfortable enough with me to do that...honestly, id probably cry with you...for some reason, its like a magical thing, (dont make fun of me) the first and only time ive ever seen someone cry genuinely was katie, and it was an experience...i dont know why, but it sort of made me happy inside...not becasue she was sad, but becasue i know she loves me enough to do that in front of me, i dont even think happy was the word, its more reassuring xMisShapenChaos: You know I am comfortable with you. I don't cry for ANYONE. I hate to cry, although its all i have seemed to be doing for the past week. I hate being like this, I hate being this sad all the time.. I've tried to be happy, I really have. But its hard to see the light through all of this darkness MyFriendIsATaco: But its hard to see the light through all of this darkness MyFriendIsATaco: you sound so poetic, haha MyFriendIsATaco: why dont you ever talk like that, youre like a little shakespeare xMisShapenChaos: haha.. xMisShapenChaos: I read a poem while we were talking. xMisShapenChaos: wanna read? MyFriendIsATaco: sure MyFriendIsATaco: ill try MyFriendIsATaco: haha xMisShapenChaos: Not like you're going to understand it.. but it is pretty simple xMisShapenChaos: If I believed I could trust you, maybe things would be different If I believed in God, maybe I'd be happier. If I believed there was a point to this, maybe I'd listen. If I believed there was a light at the end of this tunnel, maybe I'd continue on. If I believed that this life would get better, maybe I wouldn't be here now... waiting for my chance to end it. MyFriendIsATaco: sadness...not good MyFriendIsATaco: read happy stuff MyFriendIsATaco: ill write you a poem, im sweet at it, and mine are always happy and youll laugh because theyre so simple and stupid and make no sense xMisShapenChaos: haha MyFriendIsATaco: give me a random stupid word MyFriendIsATaco: ill write a poem about it xMisShapenChaos: No. MyFriendIsATaco: come on!! MyFriendIsATaco: do it!! xMisShapenChaos: no MyFriendIsATaco: the first silly word to come to you head xMisShapenChaos: no MyFriendIsATaco: goat? MyFriendIsATaco: alright MyFriendIsATaco: works for me, haha xMisShapenChaos: heh MyFriendIsATaco: im on it MyFriendIsATaco: i got 4 lines already xMisShapenChaos: haha, YESS MyFriendIsATaco: i got it MyFriendIsATaco: its called "Ernie" MyFriendIsATaco: There once was a man who was half goat He lived on the ocean on a great big boat Sometimes he drove his boat to the shore To shop at the local deli store He buys lots of ham But never SPAM He uses that ham to decorate his boat I dont know why...maybe because he is half goat! MyFriendIsATaco: now that takes skill xMisShapenChaos: you bet it does! xMisShapenChaos: it made me laugh.. OUT LOUD! MyFriendIsATaco: see, i can write poety too!! MyFriendIsATaco: yeah, thats what my goal is xMisShapenChaos: xMisShapenChaos: Thank you. xMisShapenChaos: I needed that MyFriendIsATaco: want me to write another one? xMisShapenChaos: if you would like MyFriendIsATaco: give me a random topic...i used to do this all the time for some reason xMisShapenChaos: Pickles MyFriendIsATaco: id be sitting there and some kid will just tell me to write about a snowman, and id write like a 30 line poem just on a snowman MyFriendIsATaco: ill try with pickles MyFriendIsATaco: im losign my touch dammit! xMisShapenChaos: haha MyFriendIsATaco: im losing rhyming skills xMisShapenChaos: poems don't ahve to rhyme MyFriendIsATaco: mine do! xMisShapenChaos: haha, okay MyFriendIsATaco: rhyming word for mom...quickly xMisShapenChaos: IdK MyFriendIsATaco: damit xMisShapenChaos: haha MyFriendIsATaco: rhymes with woman... MyFriendIsATaco: go xMisShapenChaos: www.rhymezone.com xMisShapenChaos: FIND OUT YOURSELF MyFriendIsATaco: hahaha MyFriendIsATaco: wow, only one word that rhymes with woman xMisShapenChaos: haha xMisShapenChaos: quick.. I must get off MyFriendIsATaco: haha, alright MyFriendIsATaco: I just bought a pickle... It only cost me a nickle... I currently have no plans Only to stack up my cans I really dont know why I bought this pickle But it only cost me ONE nickle! Maybe I will give it to my neighbor In hopes he will do my labor Maybe I will give it to a beautiful lady (as in you) In hopes that she will not be shady Maybe this pickle is worth more than a normal pickle... But I still, only paid ONE nickle! xMisShapenChaos: haha.. xMisShapenChaos: you just made my daY! MyFriendIsATaco: damn right i did xMisShapenChaos: xMisShapenChaos: We can have a heart to heart talk tomorrow after school if you wish.. since you want to talk. MyFriendIsATaco: can we? xMisShapenChaos: Sure MyFriendIsATaco: promise? xMisShapenChaos: Yes. MyFriendIsATaco: yay! MyFriendIsATaco: just spill your heart out to me :-D i cant wait xMisShapenChaos: its not going to be all that great MyFriendIsATaco: why not? xMisShapenChaos: Good night matthew.. I love you.. Thanks for EVERYTHING.. MyFriendIsATaco: i love you too, thank you for letting me help you MyFriendIsATaco: dont ever think i cant xMisShapenChaos: You just listened to me and reassured me that I am not alone and I am loved.. xMisShapenChaos: By one person, but thats enough MyFriendIsATaco: you are loved MyFriendIsATaco: you mean the world and more to me MyFriendIsATaco: honestly xMisShapenChaos: And you mean that to me.. xMisShapenChaos: You kept me talking and that saved me from doing something stupid. MyFriendIsATaco: :-) MyFriendIsATaco: you can call me anytime if you need to stop yourself from doing anything stupid MyFriendIsATaco: i dont care what time or where im at or who im with MyFriendIsATaco: if its that important, it doesnt matter xMisShapenChaos: Don't make empty promises you can't keep. MyFriendIsATaco: no, i can keep that one, as long as i haev my phone on me, haha MyFriendIsATaco: or im not at a concert adn i cant talk to you because its too loud, haha MyFriendIsATaco: i never wnat you to do something stupid again xMisShapenChaos: i'll try not to MyFriendIsATaco: no pills...no cutting xMisShapenChaos: sweet dreams my love.. You mean the world to me.. xMisShapenChaos: No pills.. MyFriendIsATaco: sweet dreams my love xMisShapenChaos: I promise no pills MyFriendIsATaco: no cutting either! xMisShapenChaos: I promise no pills. MyFriendIsATaco: promise me MyFriendIsATaco: jackie... xMisShapenChaos: I can't promise anything.. MyFriendIsATaco: NO CUTTING xMisShapenChaos: I can promise I'll try. MyFriendIsATaco: alright, well if you get the urge to, call me, ill talk you out of it MyFriendIsATaco: can you promise me that? xMisShapenChaos: But I must go.. My mother is hollering for me.. I love you more than anything.. xMisShapenChaos: Yes. I can MyFriendIsATaco: i love you too, ill see you tomorrow

I speak to you in riddles ‘Cause my words get in my way Smoke the whole thing to my head And feel it wash away ‘Cause I can’t take any more of this I want to come apart And dig myself a little hole Inside your precious heart I can’t sleep. I took Katey’s “No Doze” pill to stay up and do homework, but I don’t want to. I am going to die tomorrow in school. But I was lying down with this “Staind” song on (quote from it above) and I started to think about Cory. Like EVERYTHING! And I really hate that we aren’t friends anymore. He promised me that nothing would change. That we would still be BFF’s, just see other people. It’s like he died. I know that may sound weird but that is a very accurate comparison. I can’t talk to him no matter how much I want to. I don’t see him. All that I have left is memories. I love my memories of us, but they just hurt too much. I wish they would just go away till I’m okay again. IF I’m ever okay again. I convinced myself for the longest time that I was over him, that I could do better, That I WANTED better. But the truth is, I still love him SO much. If he asked me to take him back, I would in a heart beat. But I know that won’t happen. He doesn’t even think about me anymore. Of all boys to steal my heart, why this one? No one could understand how much I wanted to run up to him at the mall when I saw him and give him a hug and a kiss and apologize for everything bad that I did or said that pushed him away from me. To tell him that I still love him so much and that I didn’t ever want anything bad to happen to us again. That I still get butterflies every time I hear his name or see him. But I didn’t. I just sat there holding back tears, KNOWING that he is happier without me in his life. KNOWING that he no longer wants or needs me in his life, that he’s moved on and is happy when my heart aches for him to love me in return. Why do I do this to myself? I was finally happy and okay with everything in my life then I had to go and think about him. When will this stop hurting? When will I be able to forget him and successfully move on? Will I ever be able to love again? “Here I stand, with everything to loose, all I know is that I don’t want to ever see the end. So baby please, I’m reaching out to you; won’t you open up your heart and let me come back in? Lets be us again.” Song of my life! I just want to feel okay again, with things they way they were. WHY DID HE HAVE TO TELL ME HE HAS NO FEELING FOR ME?? I’m just so lost and I don’t know what to do! Right now I would be happy just being his friend, at least we would talk and see each other and be there for each other…

I can't fucking take this anymore! I can't sit there and help him with his situation with her if I still haven't let go of my feelings. It hurts too much. I want him to be happy I do, but I am so damn selfish and I want him to be happy with me. I want to be the one he thinks about when he first wakes up, and the last one he thinks about before he goes to bed. I just want to be his everything. Like make him happy, dry away his tears when hes sad. I don't know why its so hard to let go. This is not how I am. I should know better then to give my heart to another boy. Last time I did that it just got broke. I can't take that feeling again. That pain. It is almost untollerable. It just fucking hurts. I would give him everything he could ever dream of, and more. He will never be treated the way I treated him again. He will never feel that kind of love. Hes going to look back and realize that he turned his back on love. That his friends dictated his feelings for me, that he listened to his friends when they told him that he shouldn't be with me. I odn't want him to ever feel the pain that I am feeling right now. And yet, I do. I want him to suffer the same why he is making me suffer. I want someone to break his heart into a million pieces so he knows how it feels to still love them with every small piece. DAMN YOU FOR NOT LETTING ME GO! You had to go and toy with my emotions like that. WTF were you thinking? Well, I hope you had your fun.. Just look at what you did to me...

NOSE: jackii ELBOW: jackirio TONGUE: jackii CHIN: juaaz ckkijki.. Wow that sucked FEET: jkackii EYES CLOSED AND ONE FINGER: jackii.. SCORE!! BACK OF YOUR HAND:jaxcvkii PALM: ja ckii .. CLOSE!! MOUSE: jackii.. POO YEA WRIST: kujaQWkioiko.. hhmm.. yea.. thats my name alright!

My hair is currently ORANGE!! Enough said.. But yea. I have so much studying to do tonight due to my 1000 tests tomorrow. I have been rahter sad lately and I have no idea why and its driving me crazy. Theres a lot of things wrong in my life, some in which I have mentioned. Like the obsessive talk about my sister! Its getting so old. It makes me feel like I am nothing to this family. All they care about is my sisters rehab. I don't know where I belong anymore. Its like I have no friends, I never really realized that til today. I sit with one person in lunch, I don't walk with anyone in the halls, and don't talk to anyone in any of my classes with the acception of Katey and the people in my French II class. I have a lot of aquaintin.. (yes, I can't spell that) but no one I can consider a friend. It even seems like Kyle comes over now just so I can help her with her homework. And to top it all off, I don't think I am going to Homecoming anymore because Cory won't give the permission slip to me. So I spent $50 for a dress and shoes and nowhere to wear it to. It kind of sucks. I am so conserned about his 'problem' that I cried over it. Like it scares me that people can be like that. Like its a well known fact that I care about him a lot. But I don't know how long I can keep caring for him like this if he doesn't feel anything back. I have been so emotionless lately. Very confused and lost on where GOD wants me to go in life. I have faith that HE has a path for me but right now I don't know where He wants me to go. I have to put my faith in HIM and trust that HE will lead me to where I am meant to be. Maybe I am supposed to help Cory, and to help my sister with her anger towards everyone. I think I have to pray. *sigh*

Yes, You have lost another person to Live journal. I will still update this as much as possible. But I don't know what has come over me. I feel so much resentment against everyone who I come across lately. Like I feel really bad about whats going on with me and Jess, almost like she uses me when no one else is around. She has her car back temporarily and I'm a little shakey about doing stuff with her again. After the huge fallout about my sister I feel almost awkward around her like she is waiting for me to say something to screw up. I feel really bad about my sister and her situation but I am a firm believer that she has had it coming to her. With all the sex and the drugs that she has done, someone needed to do something to contain her. I was watching home movies last night and it made me cry because my innocence is over. We were so happy, we were a family and we aren't anymore. Every conversation in this house is about Stephany or Doug. Or my mother is telling me about how I am such a mean person to guilt me into being nice. Shes always telling me about how I need to make some friends and the ones I have aren't good enough. About how Cory is this bad person that is going to break my heart again. No decision I make in life ever seems to be good enough. It baffles me how I can sit here and pretend like I am so damn happy when I am falling apart inside. No one knows how I sit in my room almost every night and cry. I am sick of putting on a happy face, but I feel like there is nothing else I can do. I want my sister to come home and things to be like they used to be. I used to have two of the greatest friends in the world, Katie (BFF for 11 years) and Katie K.(BFF for 3) and now we don't even talk, and it amazes me how me and Katie K hate each other. That makes me feel like I have changed for the worst. I am so lost. I really relate to Katey (yes, I know lots of katie's) about what she is going through. I'm really glad we are friends now. She is one of the coolest people I have met and it amazes me on how if we weren't forced to talk to each other we wouldn't be friends. I hate sterotypes, they ruin peoples lives. This world is changing, and I don't want to change with it.

Some one please tell me how to get pictures up on this thing.. I want to put them up from sadies and such!! someone please comment!

I wonder what some of these moods mean. I just pick ones that sound funny! haha so if its bad, please tell me what they mean!! =) THANKS!! Any Hoo Yesterday was the same ol same ol. Went to school. Came home. No Homework. So I called Cory to come over. He fell asleep so he didn't come over til like 7:30ish. Let me tell you that was fun. He got his present FINALLY. Its been like 2 months since I got it. and I got mine. haha. He took such a cute picture this year. So yea. Today was school. That was a good day just because I didn't pay attention in any of my classes. Thats a plus. And I got an "B+" on my heath test! That was good news too! Hmph. So yea. I found out that I am allergic to Band-Aids. Hmph. Who would have thought of that? haha.. So when I went to that nurse there was like 3 people looking at me. I was like JEESH GO AWAY! All I wanted was some Neosporin. and it became like this big deal. I was there for like 2o minutes. haha then when I was leaving they told me to put a band-aid on it. HELLO!! THATS WHAT CAUSED IT! haha wow some people are complete morons! haha wow.. So thats my day. I have lots of HW tonight so I think I should go and do it!! Pray For Us Allx: lol. YES I DO. I WANT TO STALK YOUU. (&yes, that needed all caps) ^^Katey is so cool. I know you are jealous she is my friend and not yours!! =) Duce up, A-Town Down --Jaii Dee--

» WoRk It - TwErK iT « haha wow. What a crazy day!! My sister like ran away. And my "dad" who talks shit about me all the time is not trying to be my BFF.. what the hell. oh well I ratted out my sister. Bad Jackii. Oh well!! Well, thats about all other than the fact that Tony Lame is like THEE Hottest kid ever!! You have no idea!! haha. Well I am going to go because I have some HW to do before I go to the mall later!! =) Woo WEE!! Charlie Stephens is GRREAT! Duce up, A-Town Down --Jaii Dee--

..I'll be back for you xMisShapenChaos: I didn't eat my soup or my bread, just the bunny.. =) Pray For Us Allx: The bunny, the bunny, WHOA! i want the bunny. ^^Katey is the greatest!^^ Hmph so anyways.. nothing too fun today. Woke up for school at 7. SO BAD!! I looked like shit today. Oh well.. I'll get over it. I was so mad that our lunch got changed to 6º because then Jessie doesn't know if I'm in school or not!! hmph.. I'ljust tell katey to tell her I am! =) haha.. so I think I am getting my light up shoes today for HC!! So exciting!! capedcracka658: i wouldve been like "NI@#$ shave u fucking armpit hair:" I Love mY Korbin!! I don't know what I would do with out his hugs every day!! =) Hmph.. thats about all that happened!! I'll update later if anything happens.. Duce up, A-Town Down --Jaii Dee--