I am so scared.. I am getting tested for cancer tomoday. I have almost all of the symptoms. People are saying its not a big deal and not to worry about it. But I am. What if I die? I don't want to.. There is so much that I want to accomplish in life. And 15 years just ain't going to cut it!! I refuse to let this beat me!! (: positive thinking.. Always a good sign!! Half of me is missing. I am empty inside. I can't live without you in my life. The light is gone, I can't find my way. You made me more than I was. Without you I am nothing. You tought me to love myself. Now you are gone, and I can't look in the mirror. I hate who I have become, Lost and alone. When I am with another guy, I wish I was there with you. You made my world chaos, The day you shattered my heart. I can't move on away from you. I love you too much to let you go. I need you to take me back, To make me whole again. I think we all know who that is about!! Hmph.. Here is the entry I wrote in my notebook about him and us on the 11th: "I really miss Cory. Like he lied about the break up and why he didn't wnat to get back together. But I was reading the letter thing that he wrote me when we were talking til 1a.m. It just took me back to everything we did together. All the conversations that were just silly before, the walks around the block and the plaza and the flower garden. The way we used to cuddle on the couch in my basement while watching a movie. He gave me butterflies like no one could. And he still can. Like when I saw him at the fair last saturday, I was the happiest I have been since the Thursday before he left on the cruise. The world seemed to be alright again. Deep down I have this feeling we are going to get back together. But maybe thats just my desires. And all this doesn't seem like him. AT ALL. I think there is some other reason. Like he was scared or something, so he ran. Thats why he acts so different now. He has to still have feelings for me, they were rekindled when we were together at the fair. I really wish I didn't feel this way because I sound like jealous, obsessive ex-girlfriend that everyone hates. I need to move on, but I can't. I hate the internet. Its too easy to mask your feelings when talking to someone. ONE DAY til its been a month since me and Him were together as a couple. I'm saddened!!"