I almost told them. I really did... but they just... didn’t care. I almost told them that my life is a non-humorous joke, and that I’m lost, without a place to go. Tears escape from my eyes, not out of joy or sorrow, but out of pain. A pain I can’t get rid of. I’m not who anyone wants me to be… but they’re so involved in themselves so they’ve never noticed, and it looks like they never will. They are oblivious to my life, and sometimes I truly wish I were dead. I wouldn’t be missed. I’m just some girl who thinks she’s smarter than she actually is. I don’t know what to do.. but I don’t think I’d ever be missed. My Mom is probably only nice because she can use me to make her sister feel bad. I’m the ‘smart’ one. The one she thinks she can depend on… but it’s more of a curse than a gift. There is way too much expected of me, and there’s nothing I can do. I feel numb. Just because I'm breathing doesn’t mean that I’m fine. All I feel emotionally is sadness, anger, loss of hope. If I had the strength, I think I might have attempted suicide by now. The only thing that stops me is that fear of people disappointed in me… That’s it. That’s my whole life: me trying not to disappoint everyone else. Not much of a life is it? I wish I could let go of the pain and the sorrow and feel normal again. Know happiness again. My Mom is probably right, even if she doesn’t know it. I think I need therapy, but my pride is too overpowering. I'm 'out of touch with this rampan chaos, reality' if I wanted to quote Evanescence. I know I am… I try my hardest to try and escape it as often as I can. I don’t sleep well anymore. Insomnia is my closest friend, and sadly the only one that I trust… I can depend on insomnia to come, to keep me awake into the night. I can’t depend on any other friends… Katie would’ve never done anything like what I did for her if I was in need… I can’t even depend on my friends to remember my birthday, let alone help me in my time of need. ‘maybe the pain is right in front of you, you just have to open your eyes’. He didn’t get it. That is becoming the story of my life, no one noticed, no one got it. People are so ignorant and blind. They only see what they want to, and they don’t want to see pain, so I’m out of their vision, out of their worries, their cares. It’s a last hope that I cling to… the resolution to my problems just might exist… People think it’s my entire fault and that the phase I suffer is because of my own actions… I don’t know what to think anymore, it might, but do I deserve all of the blame? I remember in October a someone said I have sad eyes. I wonder what that means… Maybe that means that my eyes have been giving away everything I feel for a long time, but still no one notices. I think I’m starting to lose my voice, but that’s odd, because I barely speak. Everything is bottled up inside, and I’m afraid what might happen if I pull off the cork.