Tonight was my last Madrigal Dinner. *sad, heavy sigh* I'm going to miss it. And President Poling (president of the college) this was his last Madrigal, too ... he's resigned and moving to another college somewhere that's not here ... I love this man. He's very respectable and I admire him. He has an amazing voice and has been in the Singers for the ten years that he's worked here. He can JUGGLE - he juggled every year for Madrigal. He's very animated. But most of all, he's passionate about everything he does. Everything. He means well. I'm going to miss him so much. We sang a tribute to him tonight, a piece entitled "Prayer of Being." I nearly burst into tears as Lord Bradley read the scroll to honor him and introducing the song. I did cry by the end of the piece. I had a line immediately following that, in which I ask a member of the audience (this is planned) if he/she "has a wish for us this evening" (to sing "O Come All Ye Faithful"). I stood to deliver my line, but I had to take at least a minute to catch my breath and wipe the tear out of my left eye. When we lined the hall to greet people as they were leaving after the Dinner, a friend of President Poling's came to me and said something along the line of "I didn't start crying until it took you so long to collect yourself. It was very touching." *sniffles ... is crying again* I'm going to miss him ... so much. He's been here for all of my four years here ... and nothing ... nothing is going to be the same without him. *takes a moment* Tonight went by with hardly any mess ups. Everyone had loads of fun. I left my flute in the cafeteria. Oh ... I'm going to be in so much trouble. I was so busy striking the set that I just forgot about it and left my beautiful, $2,100 flute sitting on the counter in President's Hall. Needless to say, I won't be getting much sleep tonight. The hall's been locked already and there's no way I can get in there to get my flute. I guess ... I'll get it tomorrow afternoon before I go to work. But, anyway, the instrumental quartet did very well ... for the most part. Amanda couldn't find her music, and she made a lot of mistakes and ... well, her musicality and fingering skills are lacking. Josh has only been playing the tenor sax for a month and he's already far greater at playing than Amanda, who's been playing for ... a year, I think. Needless to say, it's been a lot longer than Josh. Josh remained Lord of the Manor. This was good. He rocked - just one line that he forgot, but I helped him out with that. It's the same line that every lord has found difficult, because it comes at the end of a long-ass paragraph. My "Wassail" and flute solos went very, very well. I received a lot of compliments. And tonight, I met a man who was in the VERY FIRST Mad Dinner we had at the college, 28 years ago. He said he's been coming every year, and that I was the best lady he'd seen in "a long while." So yeah, my self-esteem is really boosting. And thanks again to everyone who commented to congratulate me on my role in The Vagina Monologues. It really means a lot to me. Greatly appreciated. I finally slept last night. Went to bed at 10:30, and I don't think I woke up even once until my alarm went off at 7:00. And it still took a few hits of the snooze button for me to even consider getting out from under my nice, warm fleece blanket. But work went by well. I had a lot of fun. My manager started a new P.A. (public announcement) program where she chooses one member from a department to do a P.A. every 30 minutes. Today, she chose me, because she loves my announcements so much - because I make them creative and sound peppy. I told her it was called "theatre" - I could make anything sound interesting if I wanted to. I do it a lot as a DJ. Her choosing me to do P.A.'s really brightened my day. It was a great way to start off - and then I got to work with Amy, whom I ADORE. I swear, if something ever happened to her, if she ever quit or was terminated (fired), then I'd just walk out. I honestly don't think I could have handled it without her. And she came in today at just the right time! If I had been there by myself, I would have been completely overwhelmed. I love Amy. She's one of the most awesome people I've ever met. My esteem was a lot higher an hour ago than it is now. What brought it down was ... the fact that not only was I not invited to, but I wasn't even told about the Christmas party that the Sammies (Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity) were having right after Mad Dinner. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't affiliated with them, you know? If we were just friends and all ... but I have a "big brother" (I'm an adopted "little Sis" of the fraternity) and he never tells me anything. He's supposed to ... but he never tells me anything. I usually found out about things the day that they happen, more often just a few hours or even just minutes before ... and always from someone else ... NOT from Josh. It's funny, that my roommate's boyfriend is a Sammie, and even HE doesn't tell me about anything. He figures he doesn't have to, considering I already have a Big in the Sammies. But alas, he learned his lesson tonight, when Josh had a surprised look on his face after I walked into the Chapter room. They were exchanging gifts. Of course, I didn't get one ... from anyone. I didn't mind that so much ... but ... it was just the fact that I hadn't been invited. I felt like crying, but I didn't. I just held it back. I only stayed for ten minutes, didn't really feel like hanging around when I hadn't even been invited - even though by being a Little Sis, that means an automatic invite ... but ... I guess that only counts if you were told about it. I hope that Kevin talked to Josh about him not telling me about the party. I swear, he has to be the worst Big out of all of them. We're supposed to be like a family, but he doesn't even say hi to me, or e-mail me, or ANYTHING, really. The only time I see him is when I go into the bookstore (because he works there) or walk into a party that I didn't know about and get a surprised look. I want to impeach Josh as my Big, and ask Brad to be mine instead. I mean, I've already talked to Brad about it ... I'm just worried that I'm going to hurt Josh's feelings by telling him that ... But you know what? My feelings were pretty fucking hurt tonight anyway. So I say fuck that. I'm telling him sometime next week. After the totally awesome day I had, and the amazingly spectacular Madrigal Dinner - that really stung me. It was painful. But now ... now I'm going to go into the living room and pet my kitty that I haven't seen for two weeks ... and stare at the fiber optics Christmas tree until my show comes. Happy Holidays. Blessed be.