I've been thinking ... Am I insane? I'm serious. I swear I'm not joking. Sometimes, I feel like I slip into another persona. I'm not just talking about onstage, but in normal, waking life, too. It's too difficult for me to explain. And have you ever had the feeling that you're linked to someone? I mean, seriously linked. Ever turned your head a certain way, said something out of the blue, glanced to the side, raised your eyebrows, walked to your car, or adjuested your backpack on your shoulder ... and, you could see, you could FEEL this other person doing it at the EXACT same time? Yeah ... that's been happening to me nearly my entire life - moreso since my freshman year of college. But lately, it's been happening a lot more often. Maybe it's silly of me, though, to think that Nate is out there. I don't know what I was thinking. It's an unattainable thing. He's in Canada; I'm in Kentucky. He's a star; I'm just a college student. It was all just some silly little idea, that I could ever get in touch with this guy who I've been dreaming about since I was a kid. Silly, really. Might not ... even be the right Nate. I mean ... just because they look the same, have the same voice, same eyes ... same name - doesn't mean that it's necessarily the same guy. And it definitely doesn't mean that he's been dreaming of me, too. Just silly. Seth ... boardered obsessive. He got me three phone numbers ... ... for three Nathan Carters in Toronto, Ontario. So now ... I have three numbers. I'd never call them. A) I don't think I could. I'd feel like I was crossing a line. He might think I was stalking him or something. Besides, I know he's the kind of guy who enjoys his privacy; and B) What the fuck would I say? "Hi, my name's Melissa. You don't know me, but I've been dreaming about you for ten years." Psh. Yeah. Right. That'd go over really well. I do, however, want to go to Toronto this summer. I haven't been that far north. My parents have wanted to see Niagra Falls and the New England coast for a long, long time. I talked to them last night about possibly going to Toronto, you know, to see all of these places where the X-Files were filmed (because Dad's a huge fan), and just to see how beautiful it is ... and to finally be able to say "hey, we've been to Canadia." Yes, Canadia. Go ahead, laugh. It's meant to be funny. But right now ... right now I'm supposed to be working on lesson plans again. And I have to study for a final at 8:00 AM ... for a class that I think I only attended maybe half of the semester. Sad, really. I swear ... I can't concentrate. I need help. I need sleep. Yes, another all-nighter. Don't act so surprised. Later. ___________________________________________ On a lighter, more happy note - I just got myself a pair of kick-ass plaid Converse hightops. I think my life is complete now. *blissful sigh*