Sigh. I'm tired. And ... I don't really care if there's a bunch of blogs out there who claim I'm Jhonen writing under an alias ... ... or about Michael Jackson's fate ... ... or if my plane gets hi-jacked ... ... or if some random person buys a ticket just to sit next to me because, odds are, I'll trade places with someone anyway. Don't know why the same person is so fascinated by me anyway. There's no mystery, no flare, no excitement to my life. It's pretty blah. Speaking of life ... I've had a few people come to me today, mentioning something along the lines of "man, if I could go back in time, I would change this or this or that and this ..." No ... don't do that. You shouldn't want to change what was or is, just accept things the way they are and understand that everything happens for a reason. Accept the consequences for what has occurred and move on. Without making the mistake, how will you learn from it? There's something else I wanted to talk about ... I started thinking on it last night before bed, but you know, sometimes you forget things between the time you fall asleep and the time you wake. I've gathered the incentive, where not only do I take things as they come and live in the now instead of dwelling on past regrets ... ... but I've also learned to question everything - authority, protocol, sleep, sanity, normality ... Even my own memory. I remember things from my childhood that even my parents can't recall. I question deja vu ... the fact that I have memory of things occurring before they happen makes me feel slightly disassociative. There are times when I cannot sleep at night, while I lie awake in wait of slumber, where my mind takes over. I start to think of some of the most random things, testing things ... ... a plague of things ... And I've had a few ... well, quite a lot recently - times where this "plague" consumes me and I regurgitate my worries, insecurities, and imbalances ... I puke my thoughts out into the toilet bowl, in other words. I've seriously taken into consideration locking myself away in some random mental institution ... Just myself, my thoughts, and a couple of orderlies ... I really need to start writing some of my thoughts down. I started to do that a few months ago - even bought a new notebook just for the sake of keeping a "late night journal," but I eventually forgot about it. It's locked away in my closet somewhere ... I think it's time to get it out and actually write in it for once ...