Messenger-Inquirer BEAVER DAM -- Brandy Smith, 20, of Fordsville died Monday, Dec. 29, 2003, on Kentucky 69 North in Dundee. She was a cashier at Wal-Mart in Beaver Dam and a member of East Fairview General Baptist Church in Ohio County. Survivors include her husband, Jarrod Smith; a daughter, Shelby Katelyn Smith; her parents, Terry and Brenda Hicks Bradley; her grandparents, Herbert and Bonnie Bradley; a brother, Joseph Gamble; and two sisters, Amanda Bradley and Rebecca Bradley. Services: 11 a.m. Saturday at William L. Danks Funeral Home in Beaver Dam. Burial: Rosine Cemetery. Visitation: From 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. Friday and after 9 a.m. Saturday at the funeral home. Memorial contributions: Katelyn and Jarrod Smith. ... another one down. Another Brandy ... gone. Seth won't even talk about it. First phone call I get on my new cell phone, and it's Mom, calling me, at 3:00 in the morning ... to tell me that I had been right, it was the same Brandy Smith that used to be Brandy Bradley, sister to my best friend in high school. What's strange is ... that I hadn't really spoken with my friend for a long time, not because college has drifted us apart, but because ... we just had a bit of a falling out. And yes, I did extend the flag to rekindle the friendship several times, invited her to Rocky Horror a couple of years, several plays, Madrigal Dinner ... but she always said she was too busy. Then, just a couple of nights ago, I checked the mail, and there ... I'd gotten a Christmas card from her ... she'd said that lots had happened since last we talked, and had given me her new phone number. I was going to call her when school started up again, to tell her that I'd gotten a part in the Vagina Monologues ... and to tell her that I'd actually missed her. I wanted to catch up ... but ... It seems that my phone call to her won't be quite so happy ... Funny ... how life works out sometimes ... Or rather ... how death works out. I've managed to stop crying for long enough to type this up. I mean, I'd brought Seth and I Pirates of the Carribean to watch tonight if we got too bored, but ... I'd only just put it in. Jeff Nally will be in soon, so I won't get to watch it for much longer, because he'll be coming to use this cubicle to record his spots for his show. And ... that's all right. I must have seen it four times already thanks to Kelley. Seth was going to go home after our shift. I told him to come back with me to my apartment ... ... he ... really doesn't need to be alone right now. Honestly. David's going in to work at 7 and Shannon's doing something with her Mom and ... god ... I don't think that people he knows realize ... that he's ... seriously ... I don't think that people realize that ... I can't always be the psychiatrist, too ... I mean. I listen, I'm the mother, the older sister, that everyone comes to when they have problems, not necessarily for advice, but for an ear. But sometimes I seriously need an ear. And people need to understand that the whole fucking world doesn't revolve around them! WHY CAN'T PEOPLE FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT THE CONVERSATION DOESN'T ALWAYS COME BACK TO THEM!?!?!? Too many times I've listened to people, and tried to tell my story ... too many times I've listened to people talk to Seth, and him try to tell them what he feels, but it's like no one's listening ... they hear it, but they only hear what they want to hear and so often ... so often, it's like we, it's like I have never spoken at all. I'm grieving ... excuse me for not feeling like I have to listen to everyone else's bullshit. Aren't there five stages to grieving? I've already been through denial ... I think I'm going through the anger stage right now ... Yes ... I'm furious ... Angry at people for not listening. Angry at DEATH for taking Brandy - because she had a fucking baby! A LITTLE GIRL!!!! Just barely 6 months. She has a fucking baby. She was just on her way home from work ... just ... on her way home ... ... ... why? ... prayers, thoughts, kind words ... would be much ... very much ... appreciated right now. Thank you. ... too much ... death ... lately. Too much ... death. Put your life into perspective with others. Be grateful you have life, and have what you have. Stop fighting over the stupidest little thing, like your boyfriend would rather find a spot to save on his game before going to bed ... instead of just dropping everything to go to bed with you the second you say you're tired. There's more important things than his ex-girlfriend calling, wanting to be friends again. There's more important things than someone finishing off your soda, than your roommate being like a "phantom" and never staying at the apartment because she doesn't want to DEAL with your fucking bullshit, because she thinks that maybe you'll start trying to fucking take care of yourself. Yes ... there are more important things than guy troubles, dishes disputes, bills and grades. ... there are ... far more important things ... Please ... go out ... and find those important things. Mend those important things if they need mending, hold them if they need holding, kiss them if they need kissing ... Love them, because all needs loving.