It's been a while since i`ve posted. Things have been good! Well actually i lied.. they suck. Everything, i mean... school esp. I am failing math and on my midterm - 64%. I care so much too... whenever i get bad grades, i laugh it off in front in my class... but inside, im dying! Plus i just dont know what my problem.. the littlest things get to me now. I am constantly tired too. I just want to sleep, always. It's so weird. Some girl told me the other day that she thinks its great that i always smile. I honestly just laughed and walked away. I know it was rude, but my god... if some people only freaking knew. I do understand that i am a lucky girl for the "life i have" or whatever.. but people see me as "always happy" and it fucking drives my crazy... I AM NOT ALWAYS HAPPY. I`ve always smiled, esp. when somethings wrong and i dont want to talk about it.. i am a great pretender. I dont like telling people how i "really" feel and that why i love this journal so much. I write and who cares what i write.. but it makes me feel better to get it out. I dont have someone sitting in front of me judging me... i just write and click *save*. well, It is a friday night and i am fine simply staying home watching the first season of ONe Tree hill and relaxing. But still...I am soo stressed out. Now i am sitting here thinking and i feel guilty for conplaining so much as i write but i am truly feeling so different... its not always bad tho! I mean, thinking of summer and the memories that will be made always brings a smile to my face. I cant wait for the sun in my face and the stress of grades to be gone for at least a couple months. ah, i am going to make this summer count. I can feel it..