i feel so alone about everything. inside and out. i shut people out, they would never understand. no one really sees me for me. i think I took my parents divorce a little harder than people expected. well aint that a shame. i hate who i am now. i turned a serious alcholic so long ago that my body doesnt function right anymore. but i had no other way o forget about the pain. i think when I found out my dad was moving and when he finally did i totally shut down. but last summer he moved to florida. and it kills me everyday. and with this whole zak thing, idk what to think anymore. i want to be mad but then again i dont. i yhink somewhere in my head i think he's coming back but I know hes not. yet theres awhole other picturr to paint. while im mourning the loss of zachary, ive recently met this great guy. keith. hes absolutly perfect. im living in guilt, because i love zachary but I want to be with keith. i mean yeah i like him but I feel like we are moving way too fast. he calls me about 8 times a day telling me he misses me and shit. idk I think I should just ask him for a little space before this whole thing ends. by the way, still nothing from zak. its obvious its over and he wants nothing to do with me. i think if i see him in the future ill act like a stranger.