i broke things off with Jill last night, she's a slut.

Lets just say the past 48 hours have been pretty bad.

Mom asked Bruce and I to get her a gallon of wine, so when she came home from work she could get plastered like always. Well we never picked it up for her. She came home and flipped. All over a gallon of wine. This morning was horrible, she got physical with me over a gallon of wine. She turned into Rick.

I am alone, it is obvious, I have no one or anything. Everything I've ever known is so far away from me, that the only way I can remember what it feels like is to watch old family movies. This divorce ruined my life. I miss my grammy, I wonder what she'd do if I went to her about this, she'd always help me out. I'm so lost, I think I need to run away again. That seems to help.

Why would my own mother do this to me? She sees what Rick has done, and all of the damage he has caused. So she does the same exact thing. I can feel I'm close to walking away from everyone and giving up. How am I supposed to go on like this? There is no help for mom. She won't live this life for much longer, her body will shut down pretty soon; she's already given up on me, its obvious. Everyone always have.

I used to think she's all I had, she was my everything. She just made it pretty obvious today that she doesn't care about me. Her whole life revolves around booz, and getting wasted. I'm done. Alcohol has damaged my life, it has always been the factor for fucking everything up.

Here we go, the beginning of another emotional break down.