As i took the dog out this morning, alot of things came to mind and everything made sense.

What is respect? We pay thousands and thousands of dollars for our kids to have a good education and learn all the qualities of life.

Now thats bull shit. I never learned respect from sitting in a classroom where I had to raise my hand before going to the bathroom or else I'd go in my pants. I learned respect from the people that raised me.

Lets go off track for a little bit here...

Last night I had a little argument with my mother about a horrible past my family went through. Even though she doesn't remember anything at all, she likes to make up things to how she imagined it happening. I was sober, she was not, I remember everything, she does not. I respected my mother with every aspect. And because of the people that raised me, I do not treat my elders like dirt, as for majority of my generation.

So I go back to the last time I remember my mother was actually, hmm.. sane? I was 12 years old, if that, and she had a big time job, the drinking started getting heavy then. Alot of things started changing, as for example, the arguing was getting worse. Any who... 8 years later, she has lost her mind. After listening to her bull shit lie about "she thinks" is true and what really is the truth, I couldn't really handling listening to her say "well I wasn't involved with what happened" so I walked away. She followed up with saying "atleast I was responsible enough to graduate high school so fuck you". I smacked her across the face.

My mother obviously doesn't know what respect is. First off, what the hell are you talking about? You weren't involved your 15 and 12 year old daughter getting in fist fights with your husband? Secondly, Who says fuck you to their own daughter? Thirdly, where does high school come into play?

See what I mean about insanity?

So back to respect... My best friend raised me, and did one hell of a great job. Grammy was the light in my life, and she knew it. I was her baby, and I loved that. If there was anything at all I learned about life and how to do anything in my life, its because of her. Like I said already, Mom had a big job so dumping me off at Gram's wasn't really the kind of relationship I had hoped my mother and I would've had. I loved going to Grammy and Poppy's, sure Gram would spoil us here and there, but that was when we were good. I don't really remember my sister or I getting yelled at or punished by Gram or Pop. Maybe it was because they taught us the meaning of respect.

Ahh, that word again, respect. So here we go, the ending as to what I have to say...

Every child is brought up differently, take my generation for example. Not alot of "good kids" are left these days, just alot of troubled and confused teens. Blame the ones that raised them. There's not much that I blame my mother for, I do blame her for not being around though, and never seeming to care but I can't change any of that now. I do not respect my mother anymore, I can't remember the last time I did, maybe when I was 12 years old. I just tolerate her. I respect her belongings, but I do not respect her actions. I can thank her treating me like shit my whole life for not respecting her anymore.