I wish away my days. All my days seem to be so bleak. It's certan that he doesn't love me as he use to anymore. I wish that he was the same person he use to be, and I wish that I was the same person who I use to be. I want to make this work. I want our love to concur all as I use to know it would. I feel as if I'm being pulled under. I juzt want what I use to have. What I don't understand though is that I never took it for granted. So why did it have to go away??? I'm so happy about the new baby! I love it already juzt as much as I love Louie. My constant depression however, continues to pull the wool over my eyes allowing me to see nothing but the depression itself. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy life and enjoy my children with Daddy, but I feel that I can't do that as long as he is no longer the man with who I fell so deeply in love with. He doesn't even remember how he use to love me. He said that himself. Is this a lost cause? Is the second time alwayz too late? I want to love him as I use to. I'm juzt alwayz so sad when I'm around him. He seems a shell of the man he once was. It seems that he's been lost to the pase of the world. But can't I bring him back??? I did it before, why not a second time??? I wont be doomed and I wont allow my family to be doomed. I want both of our beautiful children to grow up healthy and happy, with carring parents who love them and eachother more than their next breath. Our entire family is on the edge of disaster. I don't want us to fall off, and I wont allow it! I want my samuri back! I want my Daddy back who would fight any demon and slay any dragon for my love alone. I don't want to fill bad for asking him to bring me the tissue or for wanting to go out to eat or bye something cheap to make me feel pretty. I want him to make me feel beautiful like he use to, and I want to make him feel like the man I still know he is. I want our dreams. God please be on our side and help us through our journey. Let us find only love, compassion, and happieness within each other. Help us to leave the rest to our enemies.