So some thoughts. Conformity is pathetic on so many levels. But beyond pathetic, conformity is simply ironic. Why do people conform? So people will like them. I used to conform. I know I did. I didn't conform the to the preppy stereotype, mind you, but last year I did in fact dress and act a way to conform to one particular stereotype. This past year, I was a junior and I totally forgot about that. School was kinda stressful, and keeping up a 5.3/4 GPA was absolutely killer. I prioritized a little bit; The time I once spent caring about what people thought about me went straight to homework. and I'm so glad that it did. This past year, I've made so many friends. so many more than I have in any other year. I credit it to the fact that I've stopped caring what people think. It's quite funny. My first few friends at school, freshman year--Gaby, Melisa, Stacy, Sam, Ashley, Amanda, Lindsay--they are so different from me. I love them. A lot. But we're SO different. Let's talk about Melisa, shall we? Not to be brutal, but her I have very little faith in. She would kill to be popular. She would. I mean, she would love to be friends with, you know, Paige&Paul&Cierra&Kevin&thatgroup. Which cracks me up, for one. Those kids are jerks, and they do drugs, and they are completely full of themselves. Why she considers them to be popular is beyond me. I'm not exaggerating when I say that most people I know can't stand them. Melisa would like more than anything to be popular. She has this little idea in her head of what high school should be based on fucking movies and what her mom says. She tries so hard to fit this little mold. She's so naive. I'm not going to lie--if Ali suddenly wanted to be her friend, but required that she didn't talk to us anymore, I'm 100% sure that she would. I'm sure. there's not even a little doubt in my head. I know this, of course, will never happen. This is why I'm still friends with her. But I think the fact that I know what's important to her is the reason that I can't really get close to her, the way I do to those who don't care. One word to describe Melisa, as bitchy as this is going to sound, is boy-crazy. This is so ironic to me, and I wish she would just stop worrying so much about getting a boyfriend. Her conformity and Naive-ness is probably the reason she's never even had a boyfriend. If she really wants a boyfriend that badly, she should just let go of this desire to be this thing that doesn't exist. I asked some of my friends what their favourite year of high school was so far. Gaby said freshman year. Sam said Sophomore year. I said Junior year. They all looked at me like I was crazy. True, I was stressed beyond all belief, had no time to breathe, and had slept about 4 hours every night. However, this year, I truly did let go of conformity. I stopped giving a fuck what people thought of me. And in this year I've had so much fun. And had so many memories. I've done so much that I've never done before--some good, some bad--and I've changed so much. But beyond all that, I made so many new friends. Before this year, I wasn't close to Anna at all. And while I guess I was friends with Emma, we never really spent a lot of time together. Now, I think I'm closer to them than to the people I've been friends with since Freshman year. a while ago I was telling a story to Melisa and some others, about this one time I was at the mall with Henry. Melisa was like, "Henry WHO?" I told her, "Henry VanPala." And the first thing she said was "HIM? he's WEIRD!!" This pissed me off so much. He's such a cool kid, he's absolutely hilarious, and the nicest kid you'll ever meet if you give him a chance. So she called him "weird." why would she call him weird? She doesn't know him. The only thing she has to go on is the way he dresses. So by calling him weird, she's calling me weird. We both dress rather alternative. That doesn't make us fucking weird. she looked absolutely disgusted that I hung out with this boy outside of school. This made me so mad. Why would you cut someone out of your life just because of the way that they dress? It all goes back to conformity. This conformity that Melisa so preciously clings to, in a desperate attempt for more friends, is the reason I have so many more friends than her. She doesn't have any friends outside of school. This means that she doesn't have any friends except for our group. The other day I was talking to Melisa and Gaby about what my plans were for this week, since I don't start working full time til next Friday: Mon: dye hair pink with Amy's help Tues: Visit Sterling with Jason, Steve, Sam, and Laura. Wed: Mall with Henry and Anna Thurs: New Indiana Jones movie with Flynn Gaby said "I'm jealous of your social life." I said, "please. Jason's 15. And has a girlfriend. So does Steve." Gaby said, "Well, you have friends. I didn't say you have really sexy friends who you would consider dating. But you have friends." This is so funny to me... At school, Gaby is probably more "popular" (whatever the hell that means) than me. Sophomore/Freshman year I remember being jealous of her, because she had like 50 million different guys asking her out. But now I have so many more friends than her. And, ironically...I have a lot more guy friends. For me, I know what inspired this change of becoming a zillion times more social. I'm done with trying to impress people. People will like who they like. Simple as that. People don't like fake personalities. I may not be as close with Gaby&them as I used to. But I don't feel bad about it. I'm glad that now I do know what it means to "be yourself." I'm more stressed this year but I'm so much happier