I don't know when I got so whiny. Lately, I whine alot. Nothing's going my way. I feel like Willy. Okay, before you think I'm crazy, I'll explain: When I was little, like in Kindergarten, maybe even before then, Daddy and I wrote a song, the chorus goes like this "Oh poor Willy, nothing goes his way, oh poor Willy, he's just a worm today" It's all about this little worm that has all sorts of bad stuff happen to him, but he keeps on going. And eventually, Willy takes a long nap, then wakes up as a beautiful butterfly. That ain't right Daddy, I nap all the dang time and I'm not a butterfly yet!!!!! I keep hoping things will change, get better. But they won't, not unless I get off my butt and do something about it. Fear is setting in. The fear that everyone's right, that I'm never gonna survive on my own, that I'm always going to need someone to take care of me. I've always referred to myself as a strong person, but I really don't know if I am. I mean, I can handle my business, do what needs to be done, but I can't survive on my own financially. I don't know if I ever will be able to. Maybe, if I get done with school and find a decently-paying job....but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever finish school. I've tried, it's just not working for me. I've had a good thing going with my job, but now that's all gone to heck. There's so much drama at work, I think it's all happening for a reason. I feel my time at the preschool is complete, I don't need to be there anymore. I was there for a reason, I've fulfilled my purpose (althought I'm not quite sure what it was, I have ideas, but I'm not sure) and now it's time for me to move on. I won't leave immediately of course, because I don't want to leave them stuck, so I'll stick it out through the end of the summer. I have the best boyfriend. Gerd's been so wonderful through all of this. He has so much going on with work, worrying about whether or not he's going to get this new job, now he's sick...All these other things on his mind, and he still worries about me. I've been having problems with my parents, and today he asked if I needed to move out. I said that I've been trying to for forever, and he asked what he can do to help me. He's always saying things like that, constantly showing me that he loves me and wants to take care of me. I hope I'm even half as good to him as he is to me. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. I love you Gerd. I'd be lost without you. Thank you for putting up with me.