Daddy, I really never thought that this would happen. We all have our little views on death. And we all know that in the end everyone would die. I guess I kind of looked at you as if you were invincible. You were always so tough, and so strong. You seemed almost, fearless, in a way. Its hard to step back and see your life without some one. Ive lived for a year with you being sick, and weak. And I took care of you. And I fed you. And after all this time, after all these years, you told me you loved me. And you held me. And you paid attention to me. And even when I felt like you werent there because you couldnt talk, and couldnt walk, and couldnt move. I knew you were just in the next room. And it comforted me. Despite the circumstance. And now, I find myself looking for you. Almost searching for your existence. And I come up empty handed. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. And I miss the way you filled a room with your presence. I hope I feel that tomorrow. I know I will. You taught me to be stronger, daddy. And even though it was never in the best way. I forgive you. I forgive you for hurting me. Physically. and emtionally. I forgive you for all the tears you made me shed. And I forgive you for leaving bruises on my skin, and cuts on my head. I know you never meant for me to find you on the dining room floor, those months ago. I was all alone. And I was so scared. I thought you were dead. And I didnt know what to do. I saved your life, and I know that you would have saved mine. Maybe it was selfish. I knew you didnt want to live. A part of me was bitter for all the shit you put me through. But I WANTED YOU TO LIVE. And so I called 911. I miss our late night talks. Or all the times we made fun of eleni for having a childhood crush on you. Or the times that you talked to me about your past. I miss those. I know that you were never always around when I was young. And I know that we're both so very misunderstood. But, Ive grown to know you better. And I love you more than I have ever loved most human beings. You took part in my creation. And you taught me. And you built me up to be a strong girl for her father. You taught me to never disrespect myself or let another man disrespect me. You taught me that its ok to fight for whats right. I miss you. And I wish there was some way that I could let you know that I love you. And Ive always loved you. Even the times I didnt show it. And I wish there was a way that I could tell you how much I enjoyed having you for a father. No matter what. I wish I could talk to you,right now, about my problems. I wish I could tell you how much this boy has hurt me. I wish I could tell you how I thought I might finally, really, truly, be in love. I wish you were here to hug me and tell me that everything will work out just fine. Im so sorry. Im so so so sorry that I never got to hug you before you died. I wish I could do that more than anything, now. I cant handle this, Dad. I cant handle tomorrow. But Ill be strong for you. Because you were always so strong for me. Even until the end. I wont ever give up. I promise.