Zip up the silence. Save room for the violence. Pack up your shit. Fuck you. Take a hit. I've had an interesting last few days, especially concerning the people from one of my classes [find the previous entries if you like]. Today was an allright day, though. I've been threatened some, but I don't know if they would ever amount to anything. I think I just keep pushing their limits by talking back, but I can't let them say things about me and just let that be that anymore. As a result of what's been happening lately in a lot of areas of my life, I've become more depressed and I have to honestly say I'm loving it. I always learn something new when I'm unhappy, and not necessarily in small amounts. And a good fuckbuddy friend of my Craving-of-Knowledge is Inspiration. I was recently reading (I think) an interview with a favorite celebrity of mine where he mentions a collection of notebooks and looking back on things he's written that he doesn't remember writing. That suddenly reminded me of a notebook I keep and I looked to see the things I had written. Mostly junk. Lists. Premature lyrics. But as I looked more I found a page with things I don't remember. Not big deal things but it was fun to have that happen to me, since I think I have a pretty good memory. While in my quiet, half lighted room just a couple nights ago while looking back in this notebook, I started thinking and sinking into deeper depression and began writing odd things. Here's small piece(And I'm a bit embarrassed, other than thinking it starts off allright...but you should see it as I get deeper but I'm keeping a lot of it hidden. Also, some things are oddly written): "Today I cried like I didn't yesterday. [It goes on and on and on]... ...like their father is molesting them. They know sex because it better than any other whining pussy... But I would never molest my son... I hate you for sleeping with that slut... I will cut open...number three... Haha! Did I just swear to God or did I just familiarly swear with his name in it?... ...Please stop shiving. Please... It's over.. And it's time to die. Say goodbye, son. The blast of this gun is your very last feeling. I promise." I didn't actually cry previous to writing this. I didn't even cry during this. And I hate to admit it, but I did feel my eyes watering and I got chill bumps in the process; the bumps, according to what I wrote are my son shivering against my leg [I have no son, just for the record]. I think these writings actually are the things that go on in my head. And by the way there actually is no typo in "...because it better..." because I did write it that way. Here's some of another writing I did right next to it...no wait...for some reason I actually want to type the complete thing...: Porn on TV is like no other center of a tension. The music the universal language and God put a bitter taste in my mouth because I know if your mother ever saw she would cry in your lap and beat me to death. This is an orgasm you will never reach because you're not feeling what I am feeling no stop please don't kill. We all just thrill and then I sing my scream and eat the head of my mate. The ladies cry too. Symphonies of dying vocal accordians. Machinograph. No you do not owe me your pride. Because I have all. All. Awe. Owe. Odium. But what are we really underneath it all? Pornography for sure. Taste my coals. Teeth like chimes and golden chandeliers. It is time to go. Bye my precious! Yeah, those were written a couple days ago while I was lost in the deep regions of my mind along with other scribbles, and as I was reading that over and found the part about biting the head off my mate, I found it odd because this morning when walking up my road, for the first time in a while I saw a praying mantis lying in the road. A dead praying mantis. It's insides splattered from it's, I'm assuming, ass. I felt strongly a need to pick it up. Keep it. And now it's at my back door drying out between the screen door and the actual door. Those things scared me a little as a child. Now they seem so beautiful. And I think it's time to go for right now. -Everything can't be stopped so I'm restarting it all. Some forgotten pieces from who knows how long ago: "I feel so EMPTY/And FILLED with everything/I'm this explosion WAITING to implode/The SANITY has stepped back IN/But please don't go OUT. For fear that we may pollute." "Please don't ruin this moment because I might spill my conscience." "Everything can't be stopped so I'm restarting it all."