I've got something I've got to bitch about for a minute here so hear me out, I get funny later. The penis pill people that somehow find my e-mail adress are getting angry with me. I just keep not buying their shit and they are starting to insult me. Heres some of the subjects I found in my Yahoo bulk folder: "exercise Small Pen-i-s Will Embrass U, Watch Out persons death shoulder" and "here Damn, Ur Pen-i-s Really Small ... Hohohohoh exercise couldnt identify." Wow. They've really done their research I mean...wow. I didn't even know I had a small penis and I've been around it my whole life. But they somehow knew I did and I haven't even met them. Apparently, my dick is famous around the internet. Go me. Seriously, though...what the fuck? How the hell do they get our e-mail adresses? Thats just fucking bullshit if you ask me. Its just the new wave form of telemarketing...but its far more perverse. I have never once gotten a call from a telemarketer telling me how small my penis was. If they did, at least I would be able to respond somehow. I'd be like "Hey, my penis isn't too small. Its just that every vagina I've come across is too big." Telemarketers, while EXTREMELY annoying normally, can be hilarious if you use them right. I like to come on to them. Heres how the conversation ussually goes: Me: "Hello?" Random Minority Telemarketer(RMT): "Herro can I speaka with a Missa Strasberry(because they can never get my name right)?" Me: "Oh yeeeesss." RMT:"Hi Missa Strasbuffy. I want to tok with you about your mortgage-" Me: "O0ooh0o0ho0oh(strong moan followed by a deep breath into the phone) What're you wearing?" RMT:"We here at Whatthefuckever Inc. are consoridating loans and we are coming into your neighborhood-" Me: "What's your name?" RMT:"...Kuy Gon Chan.." Me: "Well, Chan, I'm touching myself...oooohhh." RMT:"Thank you. Goodbye." Seriously, so much fun. You have no idea. Another good one to pull is just to speak gibberish. This one works best with the rare conversations you get where you can actually understand what they are saying: Me: "Hello?" RMT: "Is this Mr. Strousbouf?" Me: "Yes...this is...chocolate pickle puma" RMT: "...Hello, my names Sheila, and I was wondering if you was looking for any new insurance. We here at TakeAllYourMoney Insurance have come up with a new plan to cover a wider range of claims and we were wondering if you would be interested in any of our new plans." Me: "Oh yeah. I got the monkey grape jelly. Have you got them hamburger lightbulb candy?" RMT: "Um...Sir...we have a wide range of cases that can handle car insurance, home insurance, flood insurance and many other types of claims." Me: "...Japan for the liscensed cat water speakers. The windows can't handle the paper baby buckle bracers." RMT: "I'm sorry sir, what did you say?" (heres where I break into song, but I just speak the lyrics) Me: "Forces of evil on a bozo nightmare, ban all the music with a phony gas chamber cause one's got a weasel and others got a flag." RMT: "Excuse me???" Me: "One's on the pole, shove the other in the bag" RMT: "I'm sorry sir. Goodbye." I never get tired of that one. Try it out. Then next time someone like that calls, just break into song. I find that Beck songs work best, because they never make sense, but any song really will work. If you just want to end the conversation, which most people like to do, don't just hang up with a "I'm sorry, I'm not interested." Say something weird like this short one: Me: "Hello?" RMT: "Hello is this Mr. Straqiwerpios9dvkioash(did I hear a niner in there)?" Me: "Kill Whitey" Click. I don't know why I like this one, but it kind of comforts me when I think about it because you know they sat there at the end of the other line with this confused dog look on their face for at least a couple of seconds. And that is enough revenge for me. But, hey, there are plenty of other ways to have fun with them. I recommend trying out your own. I'm sure you can think of some way to have fun with it. Anyhow, this entry is getting pretty long now. You kids have fun...and don't do anything that I would. And if you do, just don't tell them I told you to do it.