this is terrible. Apparently, I've yet to earn the check near "responsible" when it comes to my name in my mother's mind. And because of this, she has refused to sign my cosigner's application for the apartment I want to get in Orlando. No no, instead, she dishes out money to Serge (remember, the drug enduced-working-at-Domino'sPizza-for-the-past-5-years-high-school-dropout brother.)to pay for his DUI's and court fees and fucking, all this other shit that I've NEVER DONE! I mean, she knows he spends his money on pot and still, she doesn't ask where his paychecks go or anything. Fuck the child who actually cares enough to GO to college and not settle for what SPC has to offer. No offense to the lovlies that are going there, it's just, I KNOW where I want to go and I'm set on going there. I don't have credit, so I need a cosigner...or a credit card. There isn't enough TIME for me to get a credit card...so, fuck fuck fuck. I need someone to help me. My dad surely won't do it. I'm sure he's unwilling to take the risk, as my mother was. So who to ask? who!? my godmother? although she is VERY very wealthy, I barely know her and she lives in Boston...it'd be weird to talk to her basically asking for money, should I falter my rent payments. I'm so fucked. Who could I ask!? I don't even know of people whom I'd have the heart to ask..ie -Kelley (Grant's mom) or Kevin's mom?...how about Mr. Kay? haha. See, the thing is, I KNOW I'll pay my rent, I just need someone who TRUSTS me enough to cosign...someone who actually thinks me responsible. I think I'm actually going to fucking cry. I don't get it. Things just never go right for me, you know? and when they do, it's only because of a slight thread that drags me through. I'm so fed up with fighting over things, fighting to get things on the right track- I just want to say "Hey, I need to get this done." and do it, and not have it fall apart on me. Yes, I feel the tears. This is too hard. way too hard.