i can't believe i gained upwards of 10 lbs...i'd like to do something about it- but i'm just so tired, too much work, too much stress. kevin's party is next weekend, maybe i'll feel less plump. the house is a mess, and i really need to do laundry, that god we're going home this weekend- mom moved into the new condo with julius..dad is living with serge. at least they're together. i should go over there and help clean up or something. it's so nice to have my parents living in the same town again. maybe someday they'll reconcile. i miss my family. i miss going on trips together and thanksgiving and christmas. i miss dinners and pranks and playing board games till 3 AM. i miss being whole. i would have never thought they'd divorce- it's so sad. those were the best couple years- on thames st..well, one year was good, the other sucked. i have a really bad headache. lately adrian has been making me feel weird. we joke like we're going to split- but there's a feeling, a sense, of truth to the joking. it's forboding. he's great and i like living here with him...but i won't lie- i do feel like there is something missing. i'm not sure what it is. i'd like to say it's a sort of warmth, familiarity, ...maybe i'm not in love with him. i do love him- this i know- but being in love is so obvious..i was in love with mike, i was in love with vince....am i in love with adrian?