i've been reading adrians diary..not just reading, it, but submersing myself in it. i've read as far as the beggining of it, i've read every page, every comment, every anecdote and post...i even went to that crappy little website. when i read his stuff, i get to know him a little better, i get to figure out how he thinks and stuff -and what he thinks about. he's so unlike me; sometimes it's scary. my dad always said 'marry your best friend!' that is a little unnerving, seeing as how grant is my best friend...i've long apologized for letting vince step in our way of being friends and have since returned to him the title of best friend. i don't want to marry grant, haha. don't get me wrong, grant's an amazing person, and i love him so much- but we have our separate edges..heh. anyway, adrian is getting to be my best friend, he knows much about me and he sees me at my most...primitive, i guess you'd say. he's far more outgoing and sassy though- everybody likes him..i feel like i'm not good enough sometimes...i feel overshadowed by his past and his past experiences.. i was never single long enough to have sex in outside in a parking spot or whatever..never went out drinking...reading his entries makes me feel in a way as if i haven't even lived yet.. it's an odd feeling. i read his diary and he says some funny things! and i laugh as i'm reading, out loud, in this stupid cold library. he talks about wanting someone to talk to, to spend time with, to dance with, to fuck... well, we talk (some) and we live together so most of my time is spent with him..he doesn't dance with me...but we do the latter. god, the only thing that's keeping my neck warm is my massive helmet of hair... but yeah, he seems too cool for me, too VIP or something like that...maybe i'm just being over dramatic. maybe he thinks i'm amazing. i'm fun. i'm smart and energetic. i'm inspiring and crazy. or maybe he just tells himself that. what if one day he meets some gorgeous girl, we'll call her THERESA- little bitch....and there's swing dancing involved, talk of the pixies...she sings, whatever..then what? so long nicky, that's what. heh, i'm too obsessed with this, i think...