Last night, so many things were going through my head all at once...I felt as though I was going to explode. I wanted to scream. I couldn't scream b/c there are way too many people around here....and it'd probably cause a disturbance to those trying to get some sleep. I think about my surroundings, and what I allow to happen to me. My father and I do not get along. Sometimes I wish he would just shut the fuck up. Uhhhhhhh!! He gets on my last damn nerve. Let me describe him: First of all, He loves to hear himself talk.. He has no clue on how to talk me. I'll voluntarily talk to him..or just tell him how my day was, or just about something that is bothering me. He's so fucking quick to give advice...and when I want him to shut up, he forces me to listen to his shit (forgetting that I'm the one who came to talk to him...and that I just needed someone to speak to). Yeah, and then he complains about how I don't talk to him...and how my siblings talk to him with no problem at all. That's another thing, he is forever comparing me to them...he just doesn't understand that they are younger than me, and tell him whatever the hell they think he wants to hear. He also remembers whatever he wants to remember...or maybe he's just a liar. I don't know what the hell his problem is. Have you ever felt like you just wanted to blow someone to pieces, laugh, and then when you feel better...bring them back to life? If no, maybe you're lucky...but that's how I feel almost all of the time. Another thing is..he gets upset when I'm correct...and even though he knows he wrong, he can't admit to it...he'll just repeat himself over and over again, until I can barely take it anymore. I feel like stabbing him man. I don't even care if I sound crazy...because if I am, it's his fault. He and my mother destroyed me. They turned me into someone I wish I wasn't. It all started at age 9, when my father decided he'd take another wife...and my mother decided she'd leave her 4 kids with him. Sounds pretty messed up huh? Well it is...especially when you only get to see your mother once a year, maybe even skip a year or 2; And then there is that Stepmother who decides..she's going to abuse me. Yeah, and then in front of everyone else.."she's so nice." "Kay, you're so mean to her." That's how it is for me...luckily, if it weren't for my belief in God and the hereafter...I'd be gone. Or maybe mentally and physically impaired b/c of attempted suicide. Sometimes I wonder why God allowed me to live this long and go through all of this shit...but everything he allows to happen is good. That's what is keeping me from falling apart.