Saturday 27 October 2008 2:43am Ok, the real reason as to why I have not been updating my diary as much as I used to is this: I have found a website where I can track my calories. I have become literally OBSESSED. I almost always have food on my mind. I can NOT eat anything without knowing the calorie and fat information of the object. Sometimes, I will have the desire to eat something...and then I'll end up chewing it up and spitting it into the trash. Another thing that has changed about me is-- My love for cooking. I used to hate it, and now, I am always baking things or finding new recipes on the computer(I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up). I don't ever eat any of it though, I just make it all for my family. I also refuse to eat out(fast food)..the only thing I'd ever eat is Subway and only the Subway Fresh Fit Meals. Recently, I lowered my calorie goal to 1,015..and I actually aim to stay below that. So far my calorie intake has been between 600-930. What happened was, a friend on the website invited me to lose weight with her by a certain date. She and I, and maybe 2 other people set our own goals(to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain date). This was un-planned. I had just decided briefly to just maintain my weight..I guess things changed. I thought she was like me...just another girl keeping track of her weight. I recently found out that she has been binging and purging, and a lot lately...^Scary^ So a lot of quick changes are taking place and I'm stuck wondering w/ these two questions: ~What's wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me? Honestly, the whole calorie-tracking-thing started out as a way to help me lose weight. I dropped about 2 pant sizes. I don't have a scale at home so...I don't know how my weight has changed over the past week. I did weighed myself on Thanksgiving day, and that number was ten lbs lighter than 5 months before. Yeah so..I lost a lot of weight, who knows how much more I've lost since then. I don't think I have an eating disorder...but I know I'm at risk of developing one. What makes me stronger and really makes me want to contintue is my fear of obesity. Also, everyone in my family eats what they want, when they want. None of them are at Ideal weight(most of them are overweight). I know I'm not near obese, but I'd like to stay far away from it..therefore a little under average. I don't know where this is going to take me. I'm a bit scared b/c I don't know what and IF there is something wrong. **----------------------------------------** Today was an okay day. Tomorrow, I want to go to the movie theater...not really sure what movie I want to see yet. I'm thinking about a horror movie, I have never seen a horror movie in a theater before(I know, my life sucks). Well, there was that one movie...um The Ruins, and that was more of a suspense. I'm so happy to be on Winter break right now..I so needed a break. I have not been using this break wisely though. My goal was to get more sleep, and no, that has not happened yet. Anyway, I should go now. Until next time.