STOP FEEDING ME THE FUCKING B.S. EVERYONE FUCKING DOES IT. JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP. A day worthy of it's own entry, without doubt. A week worthy of the title 'worst week LYKE EVARZ'. I'm on the verge of complete fucking breakdown. First of all, it's Saturda night and I'm sitting home. All you have to do is add that onto the fact that I'm NOT with Cody & them, and cue the fucking crying. Best part being, I don't think Ryan wanted me there. I was really starting to like that kid, and now I basically realize he may not even like me. Odd, considering the last few weekends--but obviously I've done something to piss him off, or maybe he's just sick of me. Why wouldn't he be? I can fucking stand anyone or anything right now. Janelle & I talked on the phone for a good hour, both equally pissed, both equally upset, both equally about to break down. This has been a terrible week for us, and all week what did we have to look forward to? Why, the weekend, of course. A good drunk with "good friends". Now we have nobody, 'cause it's obvious that everyone has fucking issues with us now. Why, I couldn't venture a guess. I've been rambling all evening, and I will continue to ramble. It's almost beyond the explainable state, the way I'm feeling now. Even typing about it leaves me shakey and my eye site blurred. Everything about this weekend, everything about this week has been horrible. The fact that we're not out, though, isn't the issue, it's the surrounding problems. The fact that they obviously don't like us, the fact that we're running full out of places to turn. What's everyone's problem? So I've been on the computer for the past while, making retarded webcam animations, taking pictures, just having fun by myself, home alone. It's actually been cheering me up. My mom came home and told me that she stopped in at Jeremy's on the way home. He hasn't talked to us in forever, he never stops in. She told him we used to be so close, and that he doesn't return my calls. I dunno what he's going to do now, but apparently he feels awful, and was getting emotional. That doesn't happen often with the men in this family. What is a brother? I used to know, and I can't say for certain that I'd like to know again. I don't know what to think. About anything. I'm extremely upset, extremely on edge, and I can't help but cry and break down. Being strong isn't even an option now-- hiding my emotion isn't either--but I wouldn't want to hide it anyway. I'm counting the things I have to live for. There aren't many. The ones there are important, though, and I'm going further in life than you. *Edit- So things can change within a matter of minutes, I've never been one to argue with that. This time it took hours. Don't get me wrong, still a horibble week, I could still cry on cue at any given moment, 'cause I'ma mess. BUT. Ryan phoning me right now, and them leaving a message was enough to break down my anger completely. I actually almost feel bad for some of the things I said, 'cause he's so bloody cute. Even if it was his fault, I can't hate the guy, or even dislike him. Any of them, for that matter. Still disappointed, but next weekend's a new time, and I still fully plan on taking a different approach on things, see if I can't get some better results. Play it like it is, I guess. Plus, long weekend, so woo. Go positivity!