Monday, Oct. 17- Ohgeez, Saturday night was absolutely insane. We had the most intense night ever, I was on more dope and had consumed more alcohol then I probably should have. Then again, Janelle had almost as much as I did & she can handle about half as much. I can't even explain it though, but something about that night makes me sick. Well, a lot of specific things from that night make me sick, but I can't explain what I'm feeling towards them right now. Basically I'm just planning to give everyone space--including myself--and see what happens. Anyway, I had a great weekend. Made a new friend or two, I guess... did some great stuff. It's so crazy not to have my purse now. :] On second thought, now that her & I have discussed that night, I'm not nearly as sickened by it. It actually made me feel slightly better knowing how she felt about it. Plus, today was quite the interesting school day. Everything's about to fall apart though, & I know it. Thursday, Oct. 20- An extra long weekend, just the way I like 'em. Stay home, watch movies, go online, and most importantly... watch Oprah. School's oddly going quite well. I'm not sure why I feel this way, being that I dislike basically everyone in it, but it's really not bad. It's like when you go out, start socializing on the weekends and all that, life during the week becomes easier as well. I talk to people now that I never would've even considered talking to before, and more often than not, I enjoy it quite a bit. Having no shame is rocksteady. I like people. Plus, speaking of the social life, it's going quite well, too. Trying to think of down moments regarding the social life and can't think any whatsoever--been nothing that made me feel bad, or took me off this high level. It's insane, I'm loving it. It's funny, reading back through what I wrote up there right now, and I can't even recall typing "I like people." Wow. Which brings me to my next point, I suppose, of lack of brain functioning. While you're a teen, your brain is not fully developed, and drugs and alcohol will permanently damage the possibility for further development. Oddly enough, I get a kick out of that, though I know I shouldn't. Suppose it's just one of the many things I take for granted. My memory is no longer NEARly as strong as it ever was, and my lack of caring... diminished. I care moreso for other people, but not nearly enough for myself. Speaking of which, gaining weight is not fun. I turn to food lately as something to solve my issues, though it doesn't. I don't even really understand why I do it, but I'm working my best to avoid it. Working not too bad. Last night we went into town, came back to O'Leary, smoked a couple joints and ate a ton of junkfood, I had the munchies hardcore. I think this is going to be a decent weekend. Ohyes, &might I add- I still like Darcy. If it came right down to it, I would probably be more than Darcy's friend, but have no intention whatsoever of pursueing something more, as it would just ruin everything. Then again, though he made me feel really unspecial last weekend, I'm still quite into Ryan as well--definitely can't even see us staying as friends though. I don't even know. Even a couple years ago, boys were so easy to avoid, now I can't avoid 'em at all &I hate it. Oh well. We'll see what happens over the weekend, I guess. Friday, October 21- MSN is killer boring right now. Being at my father's is indeed the boringest thing ever, or close enough. Probably gonna spend all night on the internet and/or the phone, while watching tv--how eventful. Today I went to the mall, got an awesome new Barbie purse since I [obviously] needed one. Walked around for a bit by myself, looking cool as ever. Went to a tanning bed for the first time. Or a tanning salon, rather--instead of the bed, I stood up. I hope to god we get to go out tomorrow night. ♥ Oh, and I got my Peta mail today, my KFC leaflets. I love 'em, totally going to pass them out soon. Which reminds me, that I tried veggie nuggets for the first time. Wooh.