I hate you, but I like myself. I seriously have issues with just about everyone right now. I simply cannot stand to be around everyone, they're all buzz killers. If I'm happy, everyone's pissing me off. I don't understand why everyone decided so recently to be a shitty friend, and I'm kindof pissed off about it. I wish I still hung out with all my old buddies all the time, they were so much more fun and for the most part, completely dependable. Dependable is important. Trust is important. I don't trust anyone, except my one best friend. And I feel bad for people who don't have her. I hate myself, but I like life. I can't deny that I've been having a pretty good time lately. Only when I'm with my best friend, but a good time is a good time. School hasn't even been all that horrible as I do not do anything whatsoever while I'm there. It's unfortunate that I'm not pleased with anything about myself. Sometimes I'm okay with me, but really.. just no. One minute I love my outlook on life, and my attitude but sometimes I just get so sick of myself. And I can't really even get into the way I look, as that would take hours to type out. I binge ate last night to the extent that I sat in the bathroom debating on whether or not to make myself throw up. It hurt to drink water, because I was so full. I ate horribley today too, and that makes all the effort I'm giving to look good a waste. A bloody waste. Just like everything else. I'm so close, yet so far. The last few pounds are always the hardest to lose, espeically during the week when I'm uber pissed at life. I went to get a tan today though, and I got 7 sessions. Excited about that. And, Ice Age 2 is only the best movie ever, saw it last night. Nearly died of laughter. I hate life, but I am content. Things haven't exactly been going my way. For a short while there, everythine was perfect. Even for a while after the perfect period, great situations and relationships deteriated slightly, but I was still okay with it because I knew full well things would not stay perfect. Unfortunately, after that period came this time.. and while I find myself happy at times, most of the time I'm pissed and angry as fuck because I just want something... ANYTHING to go my way. I even went through an emo, cry about life stage there... but I decided I'd rather be angry. I am not content, because I do not know what I want. It's no wonder really that I can't be happy. In the same sense, it's no wonder that people don't know what I want. I am indecisive, and I am completely unsure of what I want to happen. In relationships of sorts, friendships, everything. I don't know. I hate that people want me to know. I don't like pressure, but I put myself under it constantly, as does everyone else. I just wanna live. At the same time, it would be nice to know what I want to I could push myself in that direction and find some form of happiness, or atleast momentary gratification. I cannot express what I am feeling, but I know;; I rely on substance abuse. I love abuse. I cannot be happy with myself. I cannot be happy with anyone else. I am angry. Extremely angry. Bitter, cold, and FUCKING ANGRY. Things will get better.