Does anyone ever question their purpose in life? Ideologically speaking, you may or may not agree with me on this one- but I do believe every person has a purpose in life, whether or not it may seem clear to us or them at any given point. As Walt Whitman said,

"We use you, and do not cast you aside -we plant you permanently within us, We fathom you not - we love you - there is perfection in you also, You furnish your parts toward eternity, Great or small, you furnish your parts toward the soul."

I really wonder if everyone has a purpose in life, or if this thinking is used as a safety blankey by those of whom are afraid of the future- a sugary childhood fairytale that cripples rather than enlightens. It is nice to think that some supreme being has encoded us with the spark of doing something individual and influencing. It makes me think that of everyone as having significance- even if one is viewed as morally deplorable and is hated by the masses. I just can't think of a life lived without a purpose. Hypothetically speaking, what if the meaning of life was something that we make and not God or whomever? Existentialistically speaking, we are who we create; we live because we choose to; we love because we choose to; we think because we choose to; we breathe because we choose to; we feel because we choose to. Somewhat extremist, I know- but it's true nonetheless. I know many of us feel impelled to do the things we do by outside factors that influence our actions- but the fact is that we choose to let them influence our ways in such a manner that prohibits our free will. The individual is the end all and be all. I don't like to think of life like being the above, so I'm not going to go further into that. I mean, granted, we do have free will and we do act how we please. But the beliefs above undermine the beauty and importance of life. People are constantly looking for some thing to validate their lives- whether that be through religion or by something else. They feel as if their life becomes validated, everything that they do has significance. What irks me though is that you don't need someone telling you that you are special- it should be something inherent. We should already realize how lucky and amazing the human race is- on the sheer fact that our whole existance is based upon coincidence and astronomical luck. Life is already beautiful, this I know. I think the only person that can validate your life is yourself, and really- that is the only person who should. You would get more satisfaction out of being pleased with yourself than other people being pleased with you- as you are your toughest critic; or so I believe anyway. I just wonder if there is a destiny in our life, or if it is all based upon our choice. Granted, I do believe we live our lifes how we want to- but on the other hand, I believe a lot of things happen for a reason. Not because our actions lead up to the culminating result, but becuase we were supposed to experience it. I believe that humans tend to stray off their own path, and need a nudge back on it. But with this mindset, the world seems much safer than it really is. I'm not saying that it hurts to be an optimist, but there are some instances in life where a sugarcoated mindset can get the best of one- as in, it's a poor defense against the harsh realities that life presents to us. Sometimes I just wonder where I fit into this whole puzzle. I wonder if I fit into it, or if I belong in another box. I wonder even, if I am a puzzle piece at all. However, I think if I find out my purpose to life- it will destroy the whole mystery and beauty behind it. If one takes the mystery out of life, what do you have left? This is something that keeps me breathing every day. I don't know what the point to this post was really. I felt the need to write, and so I did. I'm not feeling too entirely great right now, and I think I'm going to go to bed. Actually, looking back on this post- I remember the point to it. I don't feel like I fit into anywhere. I don't even feel like I fit into my own skin most of the time. I don't feel like I belong, I don't like where I am nor do I like where I am going. I guess I just feel really unsatisfied and upset with myself. Upset at the fact that I continually do this to myself. That I continually make myself upset. I've realized lately that most people take walks to get away and think; I take them for the exact opposite- to feel closer and stop thinking. I don't know anymore. I just wish I knew where I belonged so at least, I could feel comfortable somewhere when things aren't going well. I think I'm going to live in solitude. I don't know what's wrong with me.