I'm not going to try and describe how I'm feeling right now and am hoping that the following words will explain everything. she told me that she didn't want me to leave actually she whispered it because our faces were close together in the heat of an instant I thought I knew how I felt and didn't want to leave either as I whispered back in her ear the flurry of seconds' death seemed to rush everything in an instant and it seemed like the actions of her lips were going too fast before I could respond my mind was slower than my being but I somehow knew that everything was going to be alright alright even though everything seemed to be moving at a faster pace even with my eyes closed and the darkness my only guide through my adolescent stumbling and fumbling in trying to do the right thing finding the light in the dark with her hand in mine reassuring her that it's here and with each stumble she goes down with me and I am confused because my head and heart are at war with one another and I'm tired of this constant relapse into not knowing if I like her or if I do and I'm sure if I didn't none of this wouldn't matter but that doesn't comfort the pain of not knowing or the pain of what I can cause her and it seems like it's too much of a liability and I don't want to hurt her and I'm thinking that I must like her if I don't want to hurt her but then again I don't want to hurt anyone but I was smiling for the first time afterwards while kneeling in front of her couch and she was laying on the couch looking back back back and I was leaning in and another flurry of seconds seemed to hasten everything to the extent that I think none of it counted and I tried but I failed and I don't want to hurt her or stumble down the path when her feelings get more progressed and deep and realize that mine aren't as deep as her's but every once in a while my heart and mind become like the sun and I know that I like her like I have never loved anyone before in my entire life but then I doubt myself and I don't know if I do and it really bothers me that I could be so wishy-washy about something so important like this but I felt it when I was leaning in and closing my eyes which seemed to make her close her eyes as well and I don't know what to say to think to do to feel to act other than what I did last night made me feel happy for once in my life and I was happy with my name and my being and other than the fact that I'm alive and I couldn't sleep because my mind was racing as fast as my heart and I am tired and I am hoping that I'll know how I feel in a couple days I'm hoping and I don't know how to say I kissed her and I don't know how it happened because it seemed like it went so fast.