Lately, I've been hoping that she's going to call me back and tell me what a horrible mistake she made, and everything is going to be okay. But I know it's not. At least for right now. But right now is all I have, and my mentality seems to include the words "permanent," "forever," and "never." I don't know what to do now. I really never wanted this to happen, but it did. And I should be getting over all of this, but I don't want to. I don't want to get over her. I don't want to leave her in the banks of my memory, simply filed as "another person." Because she's not just "someone I know." She was never like that to me. Not even the first time I saw her at Arroyo Verde Park, when she was wearing blue jeans, her pink peacoat and had her Shins bag. I don't want to do to her what I'm pretty sure she's doing to me right now. It all seems very final, end of story and print. Like the actors are all getting in their expensive cars, and driving home to their families, while the director is left alone in the studio, picking up the pieces of film- because that's all he has left. Maybe that's an extreme parallel. But I don't want to get over her, like she was any other girl I've ever liked. The fact is that she was never "any other girl I've ever liked." I don't want to be without her. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with her. I can't stand feeling like this.