Longing for Options

Lately it seems that some of my never ending dreams come to a rapid stop.

Be aware of not building a log cabin in Canada and live there in example. But why is that? Reality for sure kicks you in the butt some times - but is it normal to stop dreams being there just to escape the everyday madness? I've learned, that i can do anything, if i just get my ass up and start doing it.

Dissassembling an engine, renew it and put it back together = check

Same with a gearbox = check

Renewing our old House from 1938 alone = check

Becoming some important guy because working hard for 10+ years = check

Travelling to Canada = check

About my son i've written enough. He's all i could have wished for.

I'm a bit afraid, that i just lose my dreams, if i stay together with my wife. At some point i will surely have let all of them passed by and the kids will be grown up, we both will be old and there will be silence.

Her head facing the tablet. My eyes searching for her contact, but just wonder around on cold ignorance. My questions stay unanswered and my visibility vanishes while i fall to dust.

Taking a dreams and puzzling myself together after an everyday rejection, eating them up to fix myself. I just took this as strength until now, but i realise how i miss them.

This is just a bad year.

Be well all.

Read 9 comments
Heya, I hope you've been well!
Hey Tara, hey scott. Last years have been better, indeed. With me getting more grown up in my behavior and several other major changes in life it was overall good. I'll write a resumee as a new post. Thanks for the timestamps, scott and thank you Tara for caring. Hope you're doing alright aswell, i'll come over these days to comment on your diary, too ;-)
hey there, mate, i sincerely hope you're doing well & that the past few years have been kind to you. life sure has its extremes, but as long as we keep pushing forward, we're winning. ;)

cheers <3
Hopefully the last few years have been better!
hah! thanks for checking :) good to know i'm consistent
big hugs. i hope this year will be much better for you. don't give up on your dreams, or on the chance for your situation to improve. if you know what you can do to help it, give it a shot! as you've said above, you can accomplish things you set your mind to when you try, & the worst that could happen is you don't achieve them but still learn something new in the process. ( 8

you have my sincerest best wishes for a happier year.
Also your comment did not creep me out lol I’ll see you at “The BBQ at the End of the World”
I know that feeling of doors closing on your dreams... when the idea of something “being a dream of mine” becomes a bad thing-just some convoluted fantasy that will never happen instead of the hope for the future and almost inevitability. I think it might be a sign of possible wisdom development.... but maybe not. Maybe it’s just sad.
You definitely should continue poetry even is no one understands it or someone you married thinks it’s stupid lol. I think my poetry is stupid and makes no sense to others, I also cringe on the re-reading most of the time lol BUT I think if you feel an urge to write poetry you HAVE to do it.... it’s like the emotional version of a fart.... everyone else’s seem to stink more and if you keep it in, you only make yourself more uncomfortable
Hey there. Last year was indeed a bad year. I hope things have gotten clearer for you, or at the very least you have a smoother road ahead.

Things in my world are fine. Giving the relationship that had ended another go, so that is one (very) good thing. But, things altogether are still pretty weird for everyone.

Again, I hope things are well - or that you’re on your way to being well.


PS - Canada is in my future (just for a trip), but having a log cabin in Canada sounds lovely.