He broke up with me on my voicemail the other day... "Fuckin Kick rocks, it's over" and he broke up with me because apparently I had all night to hang out with him and I just got around to seeing him at about ten... He didn't break up with me when I cheated on him with his friend... whom I have no feelings for... who I am not even mildly attracted to and seriously hate!!! I was fucked up and not thinking. I'm so goddamned attracted to Brandon it's ridiculous... I don't know why I even like him. I could get someone to treat me better easily... my friend beth even said something about me being single and I KID YOU NOT a blond haired hottie tellin my friends " oh, she's hot" he's a virgin. He's gorgeous. I don't really know if Brandon and I are broken up... I don't want it to be over. I don't care if he treats me like shit, which he has yet to do but even he's told me he isn't the nicest to SOME of his girlfriends. It's ok though, I boxed my recent ex so it's all good, I can take ya. But I feel comfortable around him, I mean nothing like John, but there's one thing that could not be too good I want to please him. I mean I seriously would do so much for him if it made him happy. GOOD SEX.

Some things are better left unsaid.

I am SICK, I feel like I got run over by a steam roller... mmmm, fun stuff. I'm supposed to go out tonight too. Oh well, I really don't mind, now I have an exuse for being anti-social. I went to the doctors today, she was hardcore christian, there's nothing wrong with that, I just think that's illegal to preach in a doctors office. I'm really not the one to ve talking aobut illegal activities though and besides who cares... people are so picky when talking about religion these days. It's like don't ask don't tell, same with being gay, or lesbian or anything but "NORMAL" The world is so sad these days.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!Here is how you matched up against all the levels:LevelScorePurgatory (Repenting Believers)Very LowLevel 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)LowLevel 2 (Lustful)HighLevel 3 (Gluttonous)LowLevel 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very LowLevel 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)HighLevel 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very LowLevel 7 (Violent)Very HighLevel 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very HighLevel 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)HighTake the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Who the fuck left me that sweet, nice ass comment? The one where it says we've lost touch over the years but 'I'm thinking of you' Sign your name... It brightened my day, well night, but hey!

If I have to die to really live so be it. Living depletes me my soul's bitter but ready for you I have so much to offer Please forgive me Please I'm on my knees there's nothing I've ever done wrong I just feel like saying sorry maybe I'm not enough pretty a little less than what usually gains your touch I know the wrath of the world It's hard sometimes to be a girl I love you I love you Please don't slip away Pleading is my mascarade I feel you I do I know your pain, baby, Oh god I love you and that's exactly what I went through I know, it's okay it's okay die if it will take away your pain...

it floods me in slow motion and floats me away as a dream and i lay with my horrors spread around me faced with a choice and the tears just don't quench my thirst entirely i won't live again and the dead shell just dissintegrates when i'm naked left at the stake to burn these hesitations at the alter where god walked but i feel nothing behind me how good it'd feel to be stalked i'm a ghost slipping behind your memory and from your heart left for good and then it's all over and the redess splits the silence because they don't know what to do they are all alone in how to dispose of me as they rattled my body mercilessly and i am not an endangered situation as i hoped to be....

i really could take your face and smash it into all my pain. but it'd feel like a brick wall... and stand there as so, destined to be alone with dignity. and a ominousness, is that a word? just to no end... that's what i mean... just to no end and i love you sometimes all the time for everyone a hope for world peace is not just for beauty queens but what would we use to compare good times to?

...yet something is hanging on to me bearig pressure on my chest... but i want hope to evade me, i know what i crave and desire is not tangible nor do i think it will ever be, i need to be happy with what i have. lay the cavity in my heart, down for everyone to see, to know whats been done. god, it aches to know i cannot do a thing to ensure my fate, i don't know if i'll ever get over this mistake, someone once said loving you was enough... but i? for me it had to go both ways i am not content to know that i had nothing when you kissed me,just lust. life really tore me down when you came around. i want to scratch myself raw for you to see what you forced upon me... but i know you hate this so i'll let you be.

A song i wrote: i am so lonely tonight and these tears are crawlin and on the ground i'm fallin the waves are salty and sad like all the tears she's had to rub salt into my wounds feeling doomed lips upon my memory emptiness beats it's way inside me until all i have has already bled and nothing good for me is left send me plainly below oh this is never going on this is too good far too long and i can fuck you yeah you'd want to pay me but i'd pay you people pleasing is releasing me to hate the only thing i have left myself you will never belong to me...

if i tap my veins i have one itention to let air into my blood stream gonna blow up my heart don't know any other way i'd like to part so this is to true broken hearst again my creativity enables me due to you i'm losing boiling inside this hell sweltering and i think it's goddamned time i've burning so long i got tan lines if i don't finish this song i'll never live won't make it but do i want to i always wanted to be tragic tragic ending no one save me that's all i wanted and all i can't have all i need and what makes me feel bad bleed bleed i want to bleed i want to but i know it's selfish i know i'm better than that but am i? i just want to feel my pain i will never be insane i could have this you are all that isn't good leave me blood to spill.

yeah this is never good enough i try so hard and get blown to dust you always leave me on your back porch and take a torch to my emotions if i wanted something beleive oh, i could have it i go there and i try to love you i spent a year with you and you hate me? don't remeber my face? people i used to treat like shit still want my embrace and that's the way the world works and although i know you know it hurts this just wont work so if i do it i'll do it right leave hmmm, you out of sight i can't not try i can't cry i'm alone yeah so all alone want to leave and go home yeah i don't think this is beautiful anymore i think it's drawn out and ugly but i still love you my lovely...

when will it end, and the scenery inside my head mend you make, you all make me tired and lost and you stole my soul as i stole your time wanting to make the world mine left leaving on a whim that it willalways be too hard to live but i know i can do this settle down and get to this beleive me i'm used to this and death gave me a goodbye kiss that i'll miss when the feelings left...

so my guitar teacher, Justin, taught me... guitar? He's pretty, like a little brother type, altough he's, I dunno four years older than myself. This is true, who knew, you'd be open to just screw, no strings. I love that you don't love me, that you will never love me. Well, I made sure of that. Why don't you let your talent run flat, so you can lay me on my back, I wanted you to work, but you wanted to do it till it hurt. So your career went down as you did down me, and the symbolism is divine. But, oh no, you invested so much in me that you love me? You wasted yourself for a little honey? Peanut and Honey sandwhiches, mmmmmm. Why? What'd you think I was talking about?

Gotta remember Pete Francis.

aim: jennaz hot4u your binding aphorism of truth, ignorance the trend, once again. your immortal in my soul oh my deity i'll never let you go my distrust in you is obsolete your belligerence in the way you handle me has restored my faith left my praying on my knees at hell's inviting gates... atonement. no more suddenly barren and meloncholy melody.

time crawls leaving me in it's sick and twisted stead i'm so angry so lost all i see is red eating and eating you up not the cancer but the lack of love if i gave you this and told you you have my heart would you care could you feel it there in the corner where you shed your pain and you can't evolve can't stay sane stuck and lost out of love if i held you it'd still be so cold your lips your hands being the man never too warm and i feel the burn, like ice too cold the burn from an internal urge to leave exsistence lost everything relative your heart to mine appreciate living i wish i could give you nine lives

Slip yourself into a time That’s a little more comfortable A little more gone, is best to describe Some past That’s a friend of mine But never that smile Eyes that take you in, and take a while Slow That’s what you are I’m glad it ended the way it did I’m glad it stopped Someone had to grow up And the other had to continue being the kid Nagging at me, something left unsaid Someone to wish being blessed While wanting to put a gun to their mutha fuckin head Bleeding like you’re alive, through the tears But you’re really dead Nagging at me, something left unsaid…

trance hold it there cash in the sweet and plain it keep it real and just leave it's so much more sweet

cavernous soul new places to hide myself from the cold wind whips chilling hands that reach for someone to understand capital heart you breathe with your head when you're gone you won't be able to analyze death lose this number so I can give it to you over and over again until sour wishes turn vengeful actively sin see this happiness with it's painted face paper thin as faith but guide me, adrenaline pumping to believe without seeing caring for a subtle touch lead you from the dark illistrating it's blank with art your empathy like sand transfer to where it's needed to as desolate a land you fall catches you is sand that cradles you in all molds around you so you can grasp the reality through unclenching teeth