Check me out!Not much going on just freaking bored with everything. I can't read romance novels because I devour them whole leaving me bored as hell forever. Everything is just weird. Can't stop thinking about a lot of things and people I have seen recently. It gets me depressed. Punks. Somethings have made me feel better though. Like getting looks from people, those good ones..morelater baby is waking.

Life is boring here. I feel like poop, being so bored. I need a good historical romance to kill time. I used to read them all the time they relax me. I am going to Baltimore tomorrow maybe that will fill some time in my life. Bleh. Though I must say gin works at night. Well my Emma is sleepin, brother is watching Team America,,,It sucks bleh... IM done. HIddenchild

Bleh I am so bored. I can't do anything but sit and be a mother. Me always having a problem with "mothers" to begin with makes that a difficult task to swallow...None the less, I guess it is something I have to do. Can't find Meg anywhere. I call and leave messages and no response. I wonder if she hates me for some reason, or maybe she has just found better friends... Bleh I sound so stupid. I wish I just had someone to talk to, in real human talk instead of..goo-goo-ga-ga language. My brother is doing good, he got his medicaid and shit. So we are getting him on the doner list for a new kidney. Fuckin-a I love my brother but I hope I don't match as good as my other brother nick. I don't want to be in pain; pain blows. Well anyway I got myt tickets to see ALKALINE TRIO on the 26th of June!!! Kick ass. It's at the TLA on south street in Philly. This is gonna rock SO hard. Well I think that is it for right now.. Yeah it is, cause I stopped and thought about it, and confirmed it within my brain. Shit, once a stoner always a stoner, even when you don't have any pot in hand. HAHAHAHAHA. Rant on my stoner friends,,,, .................HIDDENCHILD.................

Well my brother kidneys failed. He is on dialysis. He had almost no kidney function. He is only 20 years old.... I don't know what I would do if I lost my brother... My mind wont even let me think of it, ya know. Which I guess is a good thing? He can have my kidney if he needs it. Shit lifes a fragile thing yah know? You don't realize it till it's almost gone. He came to Emma's christening looking sick as hell. We told him to go to the emergency room..... Thank god for that. He could have died...... His kidneys could have failed days before, but he hung on... I couldn't imagine getting that phone call... oh god. ...............HIDDENCHILD.................. P.s. I should have made him take his meds.

My Baby is doing great she is 3 months old!!!!!!! She is almost sleeping through the night! She is very smiley and too smart! Which mean she gets bored really quick!!!! Which is hell sometimes cause she always wants to be doing something different.... Anyway, everything is going good, I started taking birth control pills... I hope they work. Bleh anyway here is a pic of my babe! .................HIDDENCHILD.................

Okay so I feel like myself again sometimes....yeah. Thinking about what to do...Maybe find some friends to chilll with maybe a night every few weeks......That would be fun. I need to do something for real I am getting bored. Bleh. Well I have alot of weight to lose....Not doing well considering the only thing I have to do is eat and poop....and take care of baby girl.. Baby girl is doing well, she is so cute! I love her so much. she is 9 weeks already!! yeah!! She is like 12 lbs!! she got a big hiney like her moomy!!! hehehe. Well I spend my days day dreaming about life....It's fun as long as I get to live out some of those simple dreams soon. I turned 22 on the 5th yeah, well not really but I though living another year ws worth mentioning. no? Okay then shut up lol.... Pictures of my baby can be found in a link on my last entry.... ................HIDDENCHILD..................

Take a peek at what I have been up to!!!! Follow the link! EMMA's Photo Album ................HIDDENCHILD..................

Hey all my baby is 2 weeks old now!!!! Time is going so fast she will be a month old before I know it.... Awe my baby is growing up hehehehe... Charlie is so in love with her, makes me jealous.... I know he misses her while he is at work...He calls to ask about her and it makes me smile.... Emma gained 5 ounces in 2 weeks and grew an inch..... More later.. EMMA ELIZABETH TRANCE JOYNER

Yeahh baby girl was born on th 15th ahe is beautiful! I had to have her c-section because I stopped dilating after 24 hours of very painful labor!!!! Anyway I went into labor in the middle of the night on the 14th,,,,,and bussd it to the hospital!!!!! She weighs 8 pounds 10 ounces and is 21 inches long!!! EMMA ELIZABETH TRANCE JOYNER Melissa

> Akk my docs rescheduled my induction for the 17th at 10am............. I am so pissed I ahve been upset all weekend.... I am feeling a bit crampy tonight and alot of pressure so maybe things will work out and she will comeo ut and blow them all away and fuck up whatever is keeping them from inducing my on sunday!! I am so mad!!!!! They left the message with my brain dead brother!!!! And my brother decided not to tell anyone until it was to late for mye to call and fight with them!! I have gas.... Bleh. Charlie went to go get me some ice cream....yummy.... owell today sucked... I am not gonna even bother to tell her to come out............She don't listen. ..................HIDDENCHILD................

Okay I am diff being induced on sunday around 4pm.....yeah!!!! So that means my baies birthday will be Monday November 15th 2004!!!!! I am so excited!!!!! I can't wait! Hopefully the baby can't either and decides to pop out tonight! yeah right she is so lazy, and clever she knows what she is doing, she is gonna come out laughing with a smirk on her face!!!! lol! Once agina I don't feel to scared!! I have no clue why, I guess cause I am just ready!!! I am blocking out the though process on pain......So I am not thinking about it at all!!! But I bet when the pain comes I will be wishing I had though about just how painful it would be and prepared myself better... Owell! Yeah EMMA IS GONNA COME OUT!!! .................HIDDENCHILD.................

AHHHHHH I am going crazy Thursday and still no baby. I am gonna walk alot tonight..... I beg her to come out everyday! I say baby girl please please come out! ANd sometimes I even cry about it... I sterilized her bottle nipples and stuff.....Getting ready for her....I know she will diffenatlly be here soon! I am trying not to think about the pain involved and I believed I may have shut that part of my brain off because I am reallynot to scared. Which in its self is kinda scary........make sense? I just keeping thinking about being done and everything coming to an end and a new begining.....exciting.....Plus I am gonna smoke a cig which should be nice.........I just want one, I miss smoking I really do....That calming feeling....ahhhhh.... Anyway.... EMMA COME OUT! ..................HIDDENCHILD................

Still no baby just an anxious mommy and daddy...... Charlie tell her to come out every morning at 5:30am before he goes to work..... She dosn't listen cause he was telling her to stay in as long as she wanted before! Her movements have slowed down...If they stay this way I will call the doc and complain cause I hate this,,,I shouldn't have to be still worrying like this cause she should be out!! I checked my blood sugar on my aunt meter the other day and it was 178!!! That is freakin high! High blood sugar=Large Baby... And I know that she is probably atleast 8 and a half pounds by now if not more, or a few ounces less... akkk baby girl just come out..... ..................HIDDENCHILD................

I feel weird today maybe today will be the day.... I hope so, I just wanna see my baby so bad! I am 1 day past my due date and it is killing me! Even though I will be induced on Sunday it offers only little relief! I want her now!!!!! Akkkkkk, she is such a good little baby. I hope she will be laid back like this when she is born! She is just like, "whatever, I am comfy so leave me alone!"... Well yeah can't stay in there forever baby girl! Sorry Mommy!(I call her mommy sometimes)..... Anyway I'm done. Oh yeah, Charlie is getting a little goofy, he can't remember ANYTHING! And he gets mad at me for it, like I made him forget! it all very aggrevating, I guess just like me he's got alot on his mind,,,I love him and he's cute so I will let it slip.... ................HIDDENCHILD..................

Okay so I dilated 1(one) centimeter!! Thats progress! lol its pathetic! 9 more to go lol. If baby dosn't come bye friday I will be induced Sunday, so I will have my baby within the week! Ahhh I can't wait! Yeahs! My Baby! I waited so long for this! Akkkkkkk!!!!!!I did about an hours worth of walking tonight so I am hoping that will get things going and I will go into labor before sunday! O gad wish me luck people I just want my baby out and into my arms! BABY GIRL COME OUT WHEN YOUR READY! MOMMY LOVES YOU EMMA! ..................HIDDENCHILD................

Ahhhh so today is my due date and my baby has not yet been born! Akk come out baby girl! I thought she would be born by now! I have a doc appointment tonigh so hopefully the doc will give me some kind of hope maybe and induction date so that I can chug towards something and feel better knowing there will be a day!!!! Ahhh so fusterated ! And I can't even hear out of my left ear! boo...And I got a stuffy nose.. And I am tired, feck this sucks I freakin hate this boo. BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! BABY GIRL COME OUT! COME OUT EMMA! .................HIDDENCHILD.................

Ahhh, so I went to Labor & Delivery twice yesterday and got sent home twice. I woke up at about 1 am with bad back pain and EXTREME pelvic presure I couldn't even bare to walk,and when I did I would throw up, so I thought this is it! Well I was wrong my contrax weren't regular so they gave me some ambeint to sleep and sent me home. The Ambeint didn't work because I threw it up, yummy huh? Anyway I arrived home form the hospital around 4 am and tried to sleep with no avail I called the doc at 9am, and told her I was still in pain. And couldn't keep anything down. So my doc once again sent me to L&D to get an IV to get hydrated. When I got there I was contracting regularly about every 4-5 mins... After walking for an hour to see if I would dilate and getting some fluids the contrax calmed down,,,and they sent me home!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh I am so fusterated..... I thought they would take pitty and get me started.... My pains have susided though and I feel much better and now labor feels miles away and I am due Monday, boo....... Ahhhhhhhhkkkkkk.... COME OUT EMMA!!!!!MOMMY WANTS TO KISS YOU!!!!! ..................HIDDENCHILD................

So this baby just does not want to come out! She is way to comfy in there. I was kinda sore yesterday alot of pressure and all so I am hoping today that those pains progress and get worse for labors sake. I am just so tired of being pregnant and it comsuming my every thought. The again parenthood will probably consume my every thought afetr this. It is weird to think that I will not remember a life without her once she is born. Which is a great step in life, but a weird journy I always thought. I remember my cousins being born and my going wow what was life before them? Or after you fall in love and then break up, you always remember and you can't imagine, even though it may have been a horrible experience what life would have been like with out that experience. Weird huh? Yeah, you all know what I mean, I know I make sense this time lol. Anyway.. EMMA GET OUT HERE LITTLE GIRL THIS INSTANT OR YOUR PUNISHED~j/k....Please come out baby girl? ..................HIDDENCHILD................

Okay I am pissed today as that asshole Bush is still in office. Damn it! Funny though even though this is his second term it is the first time he has actually been elected..... Damn us all! Are u all so dumb to vote for his ass! We are a bunch of scared bitches,,we freaking suck... And you suck if you voted for that idot bust with the 92 IQ. Damn you. no! ahhh Anyway my doc appointment went well baby is doing good. Doc says She will let me go one weeks past my due date and then they wiil induce me...here's hoping for this weekend! EMMA COME OUT AND PLAY!!!!!!!! ..................HIDDENCHILD..................

I got a doc appointment tonight... I am actually looking forward to it. Things I must Ask.... 1.How long after my due date will you let me go past? 2.Swollen feet and shoes not fitting. 3.why am I not dilating? 4.I want to be induced now! Yeah right I will never say the last I am to much of a chicken shit! I just want the baby to come out now. I am so excited! Charlie said, "You get my baby out of there today!" I was like yeah I wish! Ugh! I want to be done I wanna be making some progress here! I wanna know today will be the day or tomorrow will be the day...waiting wouldn't be so bad if I just knew when I was waiting till.... yeah know? that makes sense. I have got horrible ass gas lo. bleh I am just glad no one is here to hear it! Well I am gonna go and do wash so I don't smell for my appointment! EMMA JOYNER GET OUT OF MY BELLY RIGHT NOW! .................HIDDENCHILD.................