these last couple of days i've been thinking about a lot of things. i've been thinking about my situation in life, such as 1) haveing a job that i hate, and cant find another so i can quit this job that just makes me so frustrated. I need the job to help pay bills and such...which leads me to number 2) im 17. im not 20 or even 42 and yet it seems that if i didnt bust my ass at work, and at school, and then have to come home and take care of my mom that nothing would ever get done. im not saying that i dont like helping...but when if i dont do something for a couple days it never gets done until i find the time to do it myself...thats not helping. who's helping me? no one. im not trying to sound selfish but when is someone going to step in and say thats enough rachel you can relax for a bit? never. i dont mind helping pay bills, and i dont mind doing stuff around the house, but i do mind it when im the only one who ever does it. and whats going to happen when march comes around and i leave to start my own life? how can i comfortably leave when im the one building the nest?? 3) ...i think.. i think that if you really truely wanted something...that you would do everything in your power to acheive it, right? i can understand maybe a week or so of just chillin...but any longer than that and im freaking out trying to find something to do...to get out...to find a job or something.. (and yes we've talked this over the night before last but i feel like i should just get it out there and off my chest) i feel stuck. i feel trapped and unable to change things. and many have told me im not but i feel like it. i dont know what to do. i know what i need to do. but i dont know how to go about it. i just dont know anymore.