Why can't I be better? Why can't I just get over this bullshit that is around me? I let one thing dig into me until I can feel my insides want to rip apart and eat me alive. I just don't want to be calm. And instead of being totally off. Totally off base. Totally wrong. I'm always totally wrong. I mean there is never anything right about me. Nothing that is ever right. Not one little thing. I just can't imagine how it is for someone on the outside looking in. If I can see I am no good, what must other people see? I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror, I try not to do it much as I go into the bathroom, and when I do look I hate what I see. Not just the outside, but I know what is laying beneath the skin, behind my eyes, behind everything. I am just not right. Not right at all. There is nothing that is right. Just not a damn thing. Edited to Add the Japanese name thing:

My japanese name is 山下 Yamashita (under the mountain) 桃子 Momoko (peach tree child).
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