I know what is wrong. I want to be someones reason for waking up. I want someone that i wake up for. I want to be someones reason for going through another day. I want someone who will help get hrough another day. I want to be wished for, like I wish for him. To put is simply; I want to mean to somebody what they mean to me. So I just got finished watching 'Drive Me Crazy' Why is it when you want something or someone one so bad you are too blind to see something else that might be just as great, or even better? Oh Goodness. I just realized something. I was too wrapped up in Jordan Daniel Chapman to see it. But to me it seems fake. I mean, why all of a sudden do I like Doug again? Is it because I shouldn't like Joe, and who is it that I like if I don't like Joe..Doug. But then maybe I do miss Doug. Maybe I miss him caring about me so much over spring break. Maybe I know what 'we' could have had if I would have said 'yes' two summers ago. How different would things be? Maybe he could of been my everything. Maybe I said no because I was afraid of what people would think about him. And that is so wrong of me to do. Because I'm not the skinnest, or the prettiest, or even pretty for that matter, so why does that matter? It shouldn't matter about what people look like on the outside. I don't mean...sure you should be attracted to the person you like, but you shouldn't just be attracted to their body, you should be attracted to their personality, and soul. And if I do say so myself, i think i have an pretty okay personality. And I think that Doug does also, or atleast to me hes shown it. I just wish that I could have one of those converstaions with him again. One that I cared about what he was saying and he cared about me, or at least acted liked he cared. I wish he'd tell be about his dad. I wish that I could help him. I wish that I didn't believe the gossip or rumors that i hear these days. Because of the rumors it is hard to put my trust into others. i'll lend you my tears..if I can borrow your smile