Ah, I haven't been on here for a long while now. I figured I should talk about one thing and move on to another and so on until my so called "Love life". So on my brother's birthday, we got Guitar Hero III. Pretty cool game, and I suck on hard[haha, perverted mind just set in]. I've been playing on medium, and I admit I've been pretty okay on it. Everyone else would be playing on hard and expert making me feel slow, but I was okay with that. New Years was stupid. I stayed home watching everyone else having fun. I wish I could drive. Seriously, that would be a dream. I went to sleep at around 3 maybe? Still sucked though. Watched Indian programs and wasted the night away. My dad was a dousche for making me apply for Carolina. I don't want to go there, at all. It's so dim and it felt like a jail house. I could get to where ever I wanted with the IB diploma at Southside High. And he can't do anything about me still going to Southside because I haven't gotten my acceptance letter for Carolina yet. WOOT. I'll be staying at Southside, bitches. Skylar wants me to go to Greenville High, which I don't know about. I know almost everyone there that's a freshman who went to Hughes last year. So why don't I want to go to Greenville? -I love Southside too much to go to Greenville. My birthday came around. Oh by the way, I'm 15 now. Yuss, it's true. Short one got older. Jakob got me an Escape The Fate CD, and I love it dearly. Maria said she'd give me her present to me the next week since everything wasn't ready. Still haven't gotten it. I'm okay with that. I didn't really want anything for my birthday. Blair had gotten me The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The book that is. I got a taste in Blair-Humor. Great book. My dad bought me a phone after reasoning with my mom. They're suspicious. I only call when the minutes are free. Can't blame me for trying to save money. However, I wanted a Zune.Those things are pretty cool looking. Ah, I made a mistake. I should've gotten a Zune, I don't really talk on the phone much either, and barely anyone calls, because everyone texts now. I don't have texting.. Grr. My mom said that I could get a Zune later on, when I save up money. Let us hope so. Well, me. I had my first 3 gulps or Vodka! I feel proud. That stuff doesn't really burn. And now when I ask someone if they could bring me some, they will say, "No." Why? "I don't want you to get drunk." Why? "I don't want you to fall over." Why? "I don't want to be responsible for when you do fall over." Then don't be responsible. I didn't ask you to be. I'm not going to get drunk. I just want some more. However, does that make me sound a bit like an alcoholic? ...I don't know. My parents are odd people who nag about almost everything I do. Someone apparently sent me an e-mail talking about some MAX dude. Who the hell is the Max my mom is talking about? I don't know. My parents saw the e-mail when I had no clue there WAS an e-mail sent on my dad's e-mail account. They became suspicious and accused me of having a boyfriend. What the hell. The truth was and still is that I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, nor will I have luck finding a decent one. My parents were and are still suspicious, they're just trying to hide it. 'Cause they're clueless. 'Cause they don't know when to actually believe their child when the child is actually telling the truth. I hate it when my brothers fight. I get a headache. And I want to cry. One brother fights as if he's going to kill someone. Another fights as if he'll kill someone as well, and the other one is just helpless and tries to fight. WHY? I don't know. I just lectured them about fighting. The main question in that lecture was, "Why?". Kind of hypocritical, though I plan to change that. Seeing my parents and brothers and others fight makes me so mad. Grr. BE NICE, PEOPLE! -"Love"-life. Had my first kiss. Thought everything was cool. It went downhill after a while. Then uphill for a day or two. Then it was all down hill from there. And now he makes it seem like nothing ever happened. Every kiss he's given me haunts my dreams like a mistake nagging at me. Maybe I did make a mistake? Maybe I should've waited a bit longer? "Maybe" is all I think about sometimes. Every time he looks at me I get a flashback from before. Every time he sends a smile in my direction, just a friendly smile, I become nervous, and turn around like I used to so he wouldn't see me as shy. Why do I even try? Stupid me. Stupid him. Stupid kisses. asdfjkl;!@#$%^&*. It probably didn't mean anything to him, but it meant almost everything to me. Not EVERYTHING, but less than losing my virginity. And he wanted sex. Psh. Nope. Not giving that up yet. Not at all. I'm not doing that until I know I'm ready. And I'm not. This whole talk of sex..holy shamoo. Every time you turn your head, you'll hear the word sex at least once. No doubt about it. I mean, the whole lunch period there's talk of sex, "I'mma rape you and your kids", and body parts. And now, there's sex ed. See how it adds up? I don't think I have luck in getting a boy. All they do is flirt and think about sex. There's nothing serious. This sucks. Really sucks. Maybe I should become a lesbian. I don't know if I have luck in that either. I could...die. Yeah, that'd work. And end my update for today. Maybe next week. Hah, there's that word again. Toodles.<3