i love when my mom sings.she has that raspy janis japlin kidda voice.its beautiful. and she can nail alll those notes perfect its great. wellll im still kidda pissed bout the whole cousin thing. i mean its not that big of a deal i mean never mind its stupid wut happened but hell take care of it...wow im so sick of living. "whos the one that makes u happy? or maybe whos the one always on ur mind" sorry my mom is sing and i thought i type along.when ever she sings i feel little again pure..... if only she knew. things happen to change people. and something just happened that gives e a different look on life. y people do the things they do. act the way they act...... i wonder if anyone thinks rather knows nething is wrong. i havet showered in forever im to depressed i dont eat nemore i just throw it up and no not on purpose it just doesnt feel right. i want to run away. i want to never feel this pain i want the world to know that i hate it. i want my *dad* back he was stupid for wut he did but can i blame him? im ultimently just like him....... i might go to some c a meeting tonight with my brother even tho i dont do that but wwut ever. imma go i cant write right know to sick lol

hey guys wuts going on? i am really dreading the fact that my aa meeting is on tuesday. they gave us homework about why were here and how well we understand all the 12 steps and do we want to get better. im 17 do they honestly think i want to stop doing what im doing? the only reason i really go is cause my brother he goes because our dad is a heavy drinker and so is our brother.but i dont want to stop drinking and doing drugs. it betters my guitar skills..... at least i think so. im so bored. my mom is upstaires with my some wut step grandma and my moms some wut boyfriend and my sister coloring eggs and trying to acted nice to each other.the boyfriend is a worthless piece of shit whose 32 and dosent work and probley never will. that whole family is pathetic. what else can i bitch about....... nothing comes to mind has anyone ever heard of the start there a great band.well... bye for now

I feel like shit right now... I know Im going to be having a break down sooon and its not going to be to fun Jessa

I feel like shit right now... I know Im going to be having a break down sooon and its not going to be to fun Jessa

Today is my birthday!!!! I brought it in by going to T.R.H.P.S ugh it was great the whole cast told my happy birthday and the guy that played rocky grabbed my but. lol and the guy who plays brad asked my friend to marry him. I love that and when it was turning midnight they were counting down to my birthday and the whole line scream happy birthday Jessa. lovely it was great I didnt get back home untill like 5 am so now I have to go and get ready for my party with family then friends. * LOves♥to fall in dog dishes* jessa

ummm so yea tomorrow is my bday yea!!!!!

so yea last night was awkward it all started with my bestest buddie calling me up and saying look pretty doll face were going out. so i meet her friend lets just call him jack and we go to NODE (shout out) and some guy was trying to pick up her and all this crap and said o ur only 18? man so u just got out of the cage and me and her looked at eachother and said now i know why the cage bird sings and started laughing so hard. so jack didnt like this guy so we just up and left.I really dont blam jack cuz that guy was creepy. newho so we went to the park and swang on swings and blah blah and he started flirting with me and all that jazz and then bluedie blue blah blah and then he dropped off my buddy and then took me home so awww he opened my door and hugged me told me i smell pretty like a girl and then looked at me and in the best napoline dynomite voice he said can i kiss you? I had to bite my lip and try not to laugh of course i told him yes but then my moms boyfriend ruined it all........ so then her bf shut the door and he said so wut if i push u up against this car and just make out with u for the world to see? ughughguhguhguhguhguhguhgughugugh i wanted to fucking die right there so he gave me his number and told me to call him around3 30 so i called him today at like....7 and he didnt pick up and so now i am waiting for hes gay self to call me back but i bet he wont and i bet its that bitch of an ex girlfriend making him not pick up, fuck that he spent like 15 mins last night trying to say i have top go and alallalalla and heres the kicker she has a boyfriend and she wants jack to stay single because what if something happens with her and her current boyfriend???? ugh fuck thatshit o well what ever if thats the way he wants to live fine "I killed a man in reno just to watch him die when i hear that whistle blowing i hang my head and cry" ♥

I hate wisconsins weather yesterday it was like 14 degrees nuts i miss cali with the bright sun all the time. My bones ach so bad from this cold Ugghhhh. Im worried about jason I havent talk to him in a long long while o well.

man long time no write. its just thatno one commments and it makes me sad but who needs them they can all burn in hell.lol no i need them im sitting her stoned out of my mind singing some j lo song about being from the block lol yea im getto homie deal with it no i repulse her and that music but its fun when ur high. yea so my family still sucks and i miss cali but im going back to live there this summer for the rest of my life and i found out that my "friend" ditched me to go to madison with out me and she went with her girlfriend and we had this planned for ever whatever fuck her lol who needs lesbos in this world lol no offense i love the gays but ii could never be one of them ica

...... there have been a lot of things going on this past week and i just cant get over it........ like nothing really happened badly and i was hardly alone but.... i feel so alone. monday i had to babysit so i hung out with my little brother and we had fun tuesday was my meeting and i stood outsde with dan for hours looking at the stars... wendsday i went to church and dan stayed over a while and we sat outside and talked about life and just everything in the world while looking at the stars... i think that me and him are just better off as friends because yea hes just so shallow and he talks about himself all the time and i hate that shit and thursday i went looking for a job and friday i ......... hummm o i think i just layed around bout today i cleaned all day because we are having a party tomorrow and ummm yea the house had to be clean... and yea i miss chris really bad and sweetest day is made up . no need for it.

man life is sooooooo fucking boring. lol well theres things going on and parties and such but it just gets old and boring after awhile.right? ica

we win! we win! lol we beat the yankees cuz they suck lol. no i shouldnt say that cuz we could be jinxed. is that even how u spell it? but ya we win and i couldnt be happier! but all my problems go away now cuz the red sox win!!!!! ica

so last night was my na meeting and it was the same shit y do u do this wut was the outcome llalalalalalalal. so yeah there is this guy named dan in my meetings and he is beautiful(hey guys can be beautiful to) so neway he was all playing pool and this kid asked if we could walk him home from the meeting so like too adults we said yes so on the way back we smoked our cigs and all the sudden he stops and sits in the ally and says here sit down. so we do and this is not really that wiered i mean after meetings we always sit and talk but this time it was real....ya know like we got all deep with eachother and talked about our lives and shit it was great and we talked about this girl who he loves that broke up with him and now hes all sad but it happened 2 months ago so yeah and then he lit up a nother cig and was about to say something and this drunk couple starts walking towards us saying wut the fuck is this as if we went alowwed to be in an ally so we joked about pushing them over and standing there laughing at them and the wouldnt even know it was us. so we shared a cig and walked home. an when i left he turned and said i only come here for u ur really cool. ur right up there with adury.(hes ex that he loves) and then he said i can realy talk to u and its the real kind of talking not that fake shit. awww dan ur so cute ica

so yea my lip is healing good. and i have been thinking of my ex like no tomorrow and i think im losing my mind. nothing is going right anymore. i just walk around in a tranz and try to make people beleave im ok and im slright..... but im not. u dont know how bad i just want to pick uop the blade or call my friends and go get drunk or high. but i dont want to ruin my scholling. i cant fuck that up..my phone got shut off. i have no way to keep in contact with my guys in cali because on my house phone i cant call long distance so yeah im fucked because there the only ones who could help me. and my cousin is off with her boyfriend and my other people are working or pissed at me.........o well. i cant talk to most people becaue i tend to fake empathy. i mean they always interupt me or talk about themselves. and i just fake empathy.... but i really want to say SHUT THE FUCK UP! your not the only ones with problems. or at least u know why ur sad cause i dont. theres just something that i cant get over and i dont know wut it is.... chris just called and told me this "if vince vaugh and johnny depp ever do a movie together, itll be the end of the world as i know it" for neone who knows me this is funny as hell. im overly obsessed with the two of them and thats all i talk about. i think i love chris ica

is it to early to be asked to go to home comming seeing as it is october 24? yesterday me and trina went to our na meeting and some kid named dan asked if i would go and then james asked trina so now i guess we are going........ yea it will be kick ass i liked this kid for like ever and yesterday he was all in my face not in a mean way but like hey baby kindda way it was great. we would find any excuse to go out side and talk so yea yesterday in a 3 hour span we somked like 6 cigs each not litereally tho. so i already have a dress trins letting me use her one she made and trinas going to where some other one. and now i need to find a date for my brother.lol anyone want to go with him? ica

jezzz i shouldnt of even came back i mean i want to just leave i really dont want to be here my family is just crazy i mean at least ui get to hang out with my old friends but yea thats it i mean my bro is back in jail and my bitch of a step mom keeps threating me saying shes going to turn off my phone go ahead bitch do it. my dad does nothing for me ever and when he does my step mom goes all bitchtastic on me wut eves......... she can aford to go to school go shopping ever day bye a new kitchen table every 3 months cuz my brother breakes it or gets a new 800 dollar dog because our other to died. u know wut fuck u patti fuck u dad u guys always say come to us if u need nething and when i honestly and truley do u make me and my family feel like shit mom has to work 7 days a week b8 hours a day just to put food on the table we havent got nething new for the past 3 years she can barley pay all the bills and u 2 just sit there al high and mighty thinking that everyone should bow down to u and wut kills me is that u complain about never having money! forget that dadfowns his own business and he makes 27 dollars an hour and patti is a bar tender shut the fuck up .............. fuck them is all i can think im sooo sick of them i should of just stayed in cali i cant take it here i cant get into my school well i shouldnt say that because i dont know but its not looking good... i got to go ica

yea i know i really bitch about san diego and the family im with but come wensday im gone and its sad.......... i just dont want to leave chris or this family ......... man i think im starting to like chris.... shit thats not good. but yea newho i bought my lilttle sister a guitar so i can wai to see her face lol yeah so i was watchng swingers and noticed vince vaughn looks like my friend bennett so yea.... imean i thought he was beautiful befor he look like bennett but now man.... i could watch him allllll day. go red sox lol that was random ♥ ica

yea i know i really bitch about san diego and the family im with but come wensday im gone and its sad.......... i just dont want to leave chris or this family ......... man i think im starting to like chris.... shit thats not good ♥ ica

man,,,,,,,, so yea right now i should be back in milwaukee, but my dad got me the wrong tic so i have to come home wendsday and on thursday i start school ........ fuck and i have nothing ready for scholl and just fuck i mean i love cali just im sick of it beren there done that lets move on.... so today everyone and there mom were calling say ill be to ur house in 10 mins be ready or so i was think to night we do something..... fuck i just want to go and hang out with my old friends and get fucked out of my head lol yea so with that lovely note ...... bye ♥ica

shit today i have to pack this whole fucking house by myself and i dont even live here and no one here wants to do there part so its me and only me packing cleaning and just fucking triyng to get it all done. and the lady i live with dosent respect me and is always cuttting me down fuck her. i got my periode today my lip is infected like a baitch adn my cell phone is fucked up it keeps saying abourt abourt. fuck!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i want to beat these kids with fucking hammers lol i have to go pack cuz no one else will ♥ ica