I've totally cheated on SitDiary...it just isn't "MySpace" which kicks super ass! To all of my beloved friends...I am sorry if you feel betrayed, if you want me...you can find me here: http://www.myspace.com/mitch_ryan549 Kim...come visit sometime...I miss you sweetie!

Ohhhhhh thank God! This weekend was too much! We were supposed to throw a big halloween party, but we got invited to a few others so we decided to keep our house clean and destroy someone else's! I drank way too much and I have to get up early tomorrow...I'm trying to drown it out with water right now, but ohhhhhh it doesn't feel good. AJ (my tattoo artist) convinced me to shoot 151 with him...not cool. The kids all had a blast, but I think this halloween went to us! Travis and Lauren had a costume party, none of us really dressed up because we got drunk too early, none the less we had a blast! I miss Kim though...she's my dirty little secret! I know that I am going to have to meet her someday, face-to-face, it wouldn't be right to get through this life without ever getting to see her in person. Not fair to live so far apart...but she runs her world and I run mine! Maybe someday...well, Brandy, any delicious halloween stories to tell? Oh yeah, I am going to check out that link you gave me...hopefully we can chat it up sometime! Well so long and goodnight boys and girls, I have a delicious hangover to look forward too!

Are any of you Donnie Darko fans? It's the greatest movie of all time, every halloween I force it on everyone I know. It's not a scary movie at all, but it is definately one for the troubled minds! I have the directors cut and I have seen it over 50 times, it's sad...if I were to put that much effort into the rest of my life I might just get somewhere! We are all flawed. Well...it's gettin lonely here on "sit." Kim...we really need to work on our communication skills! Brandy...I could use a sandwich and another cup of that coffee!

I'm still here! Things have just been really hectic over here lately, my deepest apologies to Kim and my sandwich buddy;) School is crazy right now...mid-terms and all. I have to keep this short because I have THINGS to do...I'll write more when I can! You know I love you right?

Trapt's new album kicks ass! VICTUM is one of my new favorite songs, it's fuckin sweet! WOW school is stressing me out, damn mid-terms are for the birds...I hate studying; I spend hours absorbing information just to spend minutes losing it! It's a vicious cycle. Where did everyone go? Kim...what happened to you? Brandy...seriously, am I a baloney sandwich or what? Do I smell? I showerd today I promise! I have no one to chat with anymore...sooooooo depressing. Lonely nights of solo "sit" surfing, I miss Cyndi! Where did the sun go?

I just wrote an entry telling my life story, and because it took so long, Sit logged me out and when I went to post the entry BAM it was all gone! What a fuckin' waste! Jesus...I'm really tossed right now. Oh well...it was nice to get it all out anyway! Maybe someday I'll share again...until then here's a little piece of advice to go to bed with, "Don't suck dick for beer money if you don't even drink" -AJ (my drunken pal) Oh...and Cassandra...you need to find a hobbie, GET OFF MY NUTS! Oh, and tell your dad I'm sorry, I was really smashed! ;)

I can't make coffee, it's a simple task, but I have a seriously strong record of mucking it up! Gross...anyway, the week is finally coming to an end, I managed to finish my thesis and outline, and then I finished my paper late this afternoon. It was the greatest feeling of relief that I have ever felt...no more stressing on it. Mid-terms are just around the corner and I don't think I designate enough of my time to reading my textbooks. I'm always looking for the easy way out. Guess I should look into fixing that! HALLOWEEN IS ON THE WAY! Time to live like Jack and Sally; we always throw ginormous halloween parties...it's tradition! Any excuse to get shit-faced and wake up next to the biggest mistake you have ever made...not that it's ever happened to me...hmmmmm.......... Well, the weekend is here at last, I think I'll try to sleep as much as possible. Damn this wretched coffee! So long and goodnight to all my sit buddies.

Jesus...I'm glad to be back! It's 3:12 in the AM and I just finished unpacking my crap. What a loooong weekend. I'm glad to be home. I had fun, got to spend some time with Scott and Rick, it's always nice to have a weekend with the guys! Cyndi and I had some time together also, it was nice. I miss her now, a lot. This shit is tearing at both of us, but so far we have toughed it out. I really love Cyndi, it's just hard this way I guess. She cried when I left, it broke my heart, it was so hard just getting in the car and pulling away, I felt like I was abandoning her...ouch! Now I am home and I have a shit-ton of homework to start looking into! I'll start tomorrow! Goodnight...

Well, I'm getting ready for my exciting weekend road trip. Actually, a lot of the excitement has come and gone already, I just want to get tossed! It's going to suck anyways, because after we get back from the coast, we have to drive Eddie's sister to Orville. Not an exciting trip...not at all. I've never been much of an optimist, ahh...fuck it! I hope all is well with all of my sit friends, you guys (and girls) kick ass! It's like having a mixed-personality therapist panel all to myself! I'm gonna make this short...need some sleep! Brandy, try to stay out of the storm! Seriously...what were you doin' out there anyway? ;)

I'm not sure if I am ever going to graduate college! It's 3:30 in the morning and I just finished my crappy rhetorical paper for Kemp. What a nightmare! Hopefully I can keep my grades high this year, then alas...My A.S. degree next summer...YEAH! Optimism at its finest! Time for sleep... Kim, how are things? How are you? Please know that I think about you always...I'm always here I promise! :) xox So long and good night...

No joke, crappy ass weekend. What a waste. There are times when I get so damn confused about the choices I have made, but still I walk this road. I have been privelaged enough to have a mutual "love" in my life with a few different people, so I guess I shouldn't bitch about my problems. But maybe I was never "in-love," maybe I was sorting through candidates to find someone I could truly be happy with. Am I there? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE! Being alone was easier! It just never lasted too long...again...my rotten choices! I guess I will just let life happen and hope for the best. Onward....Kim, I really hope everything is okay with your grandpa, you'll have to let me know. I'm sorry for the tears you've lost. I will be here always, and if you ever felt like you needed to talk, I'm only one call away. I have gone through some impossible hardships in my life, so I can always offer an ear or even some soothing advice. Keep your head up!

Well, turns out I got to have an interesting saturday night after all. Cyndi showed up tonight. She was attending her uncles wedding that just happened to be over here in Weaverville. She showed up around 11:00 tonight, drunk off of her ass! It was funny at first I guess, because we all get a little tossed every now and again, but that silliness died fast. She started throwing up, luckily she made it to the bathroom, but this was just the first of about 7 puking episodes all together. I spent my night hunched over a bowl holding her hair back while she puked over and over again. I spent hours cleaning up after her and wiping her face, giving her water...so on. I finally got her into some comfortable clothes, and then she passed out in my bed. I'm at my computer right now while she is laying in my bed getting ready to wake up to the worst day of her life. This got me to thinkin about a lot of things tonight. She drinks like this a lot, and it makes me worry. Granted I drink a lot too, but I know how to handle my liquor. Jesus, where are my answers? When can I be sure that this life is one fitting for me. AHHHHHH! I'm not very happy right now...I'm confused...AGAIN I'm fucking confused. Does this end? On a lighter note...Kim, I hope your feeling better sweetie, I wish I could be there instead of here! I'm not going to get any fucking sleep tonight...this is my life! Hope your feeling better Kim, remember, chicken soup and lots of water! Miss you!

I guess I should have been a little more specific on my last entry. I'm not actually leaving for the coast until next weekend, but thank you all for the well wishes and sweet comments! This week is massive homework attack week! I have a ton of shit to do before I can leave, it sucks, but I'm trying to stay ahead of the game! Gotta get to it.

My financial aid fianlly kicked in, so we're taking a 3 day trip back to the coast. Just Eddie and I this time, I'm excited, I miss the beach so much! I get to see Scott and Rick, Teddi, Nicole and of course Cyndi. It will be good to get into some misgief again! Lots of good clubs and endless parties to look foward to, but mostly the beach. My home away from home...I can't wait! I think we might even camp if the weather permits. I'm scared that I'm not going to come back home though...it's going to be tough. I have always lived for my freedom and independence, it is one of the greatest privelages of being me! I almost talked myself out of going because I knew it would be hard to leave; I was pushing for Sacramento at first...I miss all of my friends their too, but the coast brings me more happiness, Sac brings mostly regret! Lots of mistakes there! Oh well, I have plenty of time to prepare, so I guess I shouldn't sweat it so much. There are just so many things I miss... Here are some lyrics...don't ask me the relevance because it would take too long to explain. This is just my mind right now, enjoy the confusion! Bloc Party: "Blue Light" You'll find it hiding in shadows You'll find it hiding in cupboards It will walk you home safe every night It will help you remember If that's the way it is Then that's the way it is I still feel you and the taste of cigarettes What could I ever run to Just tell me it's tearing you apart Just tell me you cannot sleep If that's the way it is Then that's the way it is And you didn't even notice When the sky turned blue And you couldn't tell the difference Between me and you And I nearly didn't notice The gentlest feeling You are the bluest light... You are the bluest light... You are the bluest light... You are the bluest light... You are the bluest light... You are the bluest light...

Jesus, I should be sleeping right now! I've got to start sleeping more...there's just never enough time in the day. Eddie and I played ball this afternoon at THS with some of the boys, it was a good workout...overdue I suppose. I watched "Crash" tonight with my girly roomates, it was a pretty good flic...I would recommend it to anyone who has trouble with racism! Something wierd has been on my mind lately, guess this is a good place to release it! A FRIEND: I have a good friend who is a few years younger then me, and every once in awhile this friend has to go through some trying times. I feel for this friend because I can remember going through similar experinces when I was a few years younger, I feel like I have good advice to offer, but at the same time I wish I could do more. This friend is very sweet and easy to connect with, in fact, this friend has helped me with some trying times in my own life which I am forever greatful for. This friend is someone who has been in my mind like a repititious whisper lately...I find myself thinking about this friend more and more. I care for this friend very much, but the tedious truth remains...This friend of mine is a friend who remains undiscovered. Not a friend that I can embrace, only pictures reveal your face, and yet, you are such a good friend! "Sometimes we crash into each other just to feel...something." Goodnight!

This afternoon I was doing homework for my Literature Compact class, we read a lot of poetry and then analyze it, today we read a poem that was particularly perfect in relation to my own love life with Cyndi, so I decided I would share this beautiful poem with all of you. Every once in a while something will jump out and grab our attention, something so perfect that sticks with us forever, this poem is a perfect example. I'm curious to see if anyone can tell me what they think the overall message of the poem is. What the tattoo's represent. Here it is: "First Poem For You" - Kim Addonizio "I like to touch your tattoo's in complete darkness, when I can't see them. I'm sure of where they are, know by heart the neat lines of lightning pulsing just above your nipple, can find, as if by instinct, the blue swirls of water on your shoulder where a serpent twists, facing a dragon. When I pull you to me, taking you until we're spent and quiet on the sheets, I love to kiss the pictures in your skin. They'll last until you're seared to ashes; whatever persists or turns to pain between us, they will still be there. Such permanence is terrifying. So I touch them in the dark; but touch them trying." Please respect the work of this author, and do not post this poem as your own, thanks!

Just in case you're wondering...this picture is the beginning of a series in which I strip down totally nude! It was an awesome little thing I did to piss a friend off. One of my good friends, Scott, gets jealous when I talk to his girly friend Nicole. He told me that he didn't like that I talked to her personally because she no longer felt like she needed to talk to Scott. I COULD understand this from his point of view, but we have been friends for a LOOOONG time and he knows that I would never interfere with any of his relationships, and I hate to be censored! So, my girly friend Cyndi took these pictures of me frame by frame until I was ASS OUT, and I sent them to Scott and Nicole at the same time! Believe it or not though, he laughed his ass off and everything is fine now! Just in case you were wondering why I was posing in such a manner! Well, I've got tons of homework to do, so I gots to make this short...love ya guys! Kim...seriously now...where did you go?

My diary is under construction...I'm trying to get a new picture on here but it is proving to be quite the task! Kim, I miss you too sweetie! I'll add another entry on here just as soon as I can get this picture loaded. Until then...patience.

Hey fuckers! I hope that nobody was hoping that in this long period of time I might actually try to make my diary look sicker...no...no not me, I like to keep it lame as fuck! It's been TOOOOO long since I've been on this thing, I hope life has changed at least ten of you...that would be special! No one will ever stay the same, and most of my buddies on here are quite a few years younger than I am, so, to all of you: be as young and sweet and kick ass as you are now, but know that you will be someone completely different when you hit 23 or so! I'm back in school finally, I decided it's time to make an attempt at growing up! By next summer I will be graduating with my AS degree in Business Administration Management, Jesus, then I guess I will have to get a job huh? Oh well, I have had many great adventures, more than one person deserves so I should feel lucky instead. I moved again, didn't quite make it to Arizona because Rick decided to bare a child instead...DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! WHOA! Anyways, I'm glad for him and his perfect delicious mature responsible family, I too hope to be deliciously lame someday! Today is not that day though. I live in Weaverville now...new roomates...new adventures! I'm still in love with my freedom and independance, Cyndi and I are trying the long distance thing, but...we all know what ends up happeneing there! And everyone who has kept up with my diary will know that I tend to be a little....well....free I guess! Last but not least, Kimmy I doubt you still read my diary, but just in case, I've missed you immensely baby! I hope everything is well in your life...write me sometime. Love peace and chicken grease kids!

It's been a while since I have added an entry in here so I figured what better time than now! Well, lots of new and exciting things going on over here. I will be moving off of the Lost Coast in the beginning of April, I will be staying in Burney until August...then Rick and I are moving to Phoenix Arizona to go to Devry Technical Institute. We are enrolled in a 15 month program so that I can earn my business management degree and Rick can get his Moto-mechanics tech. degree. Then we will be moving back over here to the coast so that we can open and run our own Motosports business. Big dreams for little people. The thing is Rick is married and he will be leaving his wife behind to chase this dream, 15 months apart might break this marriage. That's why I am leaving in April, to give them some time together before we leave the state. It sucks in a way though, because I have to leave Cyndi behind I really like her. This has been a different type of relationship and so far nothing seems to need my self-sabatoge! Well...just wanted to keep you guys posted...I'll try to keep this thing updated even after I leave...remember everyone...dream big, failure is a part of life!