I realized something this evening. I try to hold back from talking about "her" but that's what sit is for I guess. I lie to everyone including myself about my final good-byes with "her" everyone tells me I am doing great and I tell them that I don't love "her" anymore. It's all a bunch of shit because I got to thinking about her so damn much today that I almost broke out in tears. It does hurt...in fact it is almost unbearable! There is still time and I still have such a small window of opportunity to hold her again, but I can't give this life up. Not again. Not for "her". This may sound selfish, but it's not, it's actually a very long story I don't have time to tell. "She" was my fiance and we were together for two years, living together for one. Our relationship made other people envious. We were very lustful and so much in love that love itself was afraid! Things changed when my writing took off. Many troubles that we weren't prepared to deal with. We seperated three times before, but last week we exchanged our final good-byes and promised each other that we would not call or write again ever. Never...the thought crosses my mind though even now as I am venting. It's hard not to miss her, but I will keep on wearing this mask until I too can start believing my lies. DAMN! It hurts. AGAIN I WAIT FOR THIS TO PULL APART TO TEAR MY LIFE IN TWO ANOTHER NIGHT WITH HER BUT I'M ALWAYS WANTING YOU