i think i've pretty much decided to go ahead and end it with william. atleast call it a break or something. i can't do it anymore. i mean.. what else can i do? i tried ignoring it. bad. i tried a short break. four days. worked okay for a short while. tried talking about it. tried being as big of a bitch as he is. nothing changes. and i can't handle it anymore. it's so hard to stand up for him when i know everyone is right. i mean..i care about him soo much. no one understands that. i don't even understand that. thing is.. when nikki broke his heart i was the one who stayed on the phone with him for 6 hours everynight the week before final exams listening to him crying then yelling then crying some more. then preaching to me. he was the one who i called when me and zach broke up. he was the one that stayed on the phone with me while i cried. he was the one who said suck it up. he's the one that's been trying to teach me how to let my guard back down. he's the one who said "kristin, you can fall for me. i'm not gonna let you fall flat on your face. i'm gonna catch you. i promise." i'm the one who promised i would be there for him in every way i can no matter what. i'm the one that promised we were gonna be together for a long time. stupid promise to make, considering i'm not psychic. but it doesn't matter how badly either one of us wants it to work. right now it just can't. i mean.. i can't do it by myself. and i know the first thing he's gonna say is "who's the other guy." there isn't one. there's me. and there's william. and i'm trying to save the last chance of that ever being an us. and i hate to say it because i know how bad it sucks to hear it.. but i seriously just need some time to think. i mean.. damn. i shouldn't be this stressed out over it. i mean.. i knew it wouldn't be easy. but it shouldn't be this hard. it shouldn't. and i'm not sure if it's worth it. i'd love to be able to say that it's completely worth it. that everytime i talk to him i fall even more in love. but that'd be lying. i don't know what i want. i don't know what i need. all i know is that i'm not happy... and he's never gonna understand..