i've talked to william.. & apparently we need to be friends again. & i'm not so sure. i mean.. i'm not gonna lie. it's great to talk to him. he was always really easy to talk to and he somehow knows exactly what to say. the only problem is you never know if it's the truth or not. but i yelled at him a little bit yesterday about how bad he screwed up & of course he gave the same old excuses. too bad i don't remember well enough to know if they were slightly different this time. but they were very very similar. & finally i just gave up and said i'm done worrying about it. i mean.. seriously. i can only hold a grudge for so long & i think it's kind of good for me to talk to him. definitely not a lot. nowhere near how it used to be. but atleast we're on speaking terms. that way if i ever do need him he might actually finally be there for me. haha. yea right. but you better bet that i'm not driving my ass out there if he decides one day that he needs me. no sir. i'm staying right here with michael. where i should be. & william knows i'm happy & he told me that he doesn't want to screw anything up for me. now if that's true or not i'm not sure. damnit. i hate not knowing the truth. oh well. i'm over it. i'm done. i've definitely moved on & i've got no intention of going back anywhere near the way it used to be. but he really did help me get my head a little straight. which is surprising. he always has those really lame sayings that he's obviously read somewhere and just remembered it but it always fits the situation. "everything happens for a reason." "everything anyone ever does has a consequence. sometimes they're good, and sometimes they're bad. but there's always going to be a consequence." unfortunately he helps other people but he cant seem to listen to himself. which is sad. but i suppose i'm the same way. people ask me stuff all the time & usually i have something to tell them. but when i'm in a rough spot myself i have to turn to everyone else. & they just give me the same advice i gave them. which is kind of sad.. but at the same time.. well i don't know. lol. oh well. ** i went to the ENT today for my sinus infections. apparently i have a cyst on the right side. nothing bad. just mucus or something. but he says that since i was still kind of sick when i had the CT done that it could be gone by now so i have to go at the end of June to have another CT & if it isn't gone then i might have to do surgery. something about taking down the bones in my sinus cavity. & i'm sure exactly what kind of procedure that is but it definitely doesn't seem like much fun. especially if he has to cut my face :[ i'd honestly rather just keep getting sinus infections. & my sinus infections suck. but he also said that allergies could be causing it so he put me on this nasonex stuff that i have to spray up my nose everyday (i hate spraying stuff up my nose). but he said that when i breathe in bacteria it goes into my sinuses & then the sinuses drain & the bacteria gets killed or whatever. but my sinuses aren't draining so i keep getting sick because the bacteria aren't dying. soo.. that kinda sucks. but i guess life goes on. as long as it isn't some insane cancerous tumor in my head i'm alright. kind of. still kinda sucks. but atleast i'm gonna live. ** i guess me & michael are doing good. nothing to really complain about. & i've honestly never felt like this with anyone before & it's.. i don't even know. i love how i can just be myself around him. no holding back, no worrying if he's going to think i'm incredibly weird. i mean.. i don't even know. it's just finally something different. something that i look forward to. i'm finally freaking happy. & it feels so great to say it. & now i sound all lame. see what he does to me? haha.