i'm never gonna speak to him again. i'm never gonna get to hold him again. or kiss him. or just be with him. and i can't stand it. it doesn't matter what i do or who i'm with, my mind always goes back to him. is it because he was my "first love"? is it just that chemical that is released in your brain when a girl has sex? is it just because i haven't found anyone else? or is it because i lost my best friend? is it because i'm lonely? i know i'll never be able to trust him again. he hurt me so bad... and he doesn't even care... he promised 'friends no matter what'. and he went to the trouble of deleting me off myspace... fucking myspace. really? i feel so alone... my friends just aren't enough anymore... to know what it feels like to have someone... and then lose it all. to someone else.. to someone who could never love him the way i did. to someone who can never share with him the things that i shared with him. the someone who will never know him like i did... why can't i just get the hell over it? he sure has... i'm such a stupid girl. fuck.