well.. i guess me and michael aren't as good as i was thinking.. i thought i was doing better but he says it's worse. and i'm not even sure what "it" is. he can't explain it. and i barely know what he's talking about. today he says like he's being ignored and taken for granted. and i hate that. because i've been ignoring my friends to spend time with him. and i know it's bad.. but it's because he always makes me feel bad when i make plans with other people. and i could almost understand if it was guys. but it's my girl friends. friends that i've had since before he even knew i existed. since before i can even remember. my best friends. the people i need. the people who have always picked me up whenever i was down. the people who have always been there no matter what. and i've told him that and he says he's gonna work on it. and he's just been soo clingy and suffocating and i've always hated that. it's the biggest turn off for me. and i love him soo much and i'm so afraid of losing him. and this just in.. he feels like i'm unintentionally pushing him away. and what scares me about that is that i've been known to push people away. every guy i've ever dated. and i don't want to lose michael. i don't know what i would do without him. he does so much for me.. maybe i do take him for granted sometimes.. i don't think i do.. i thank him for everything. all the time. and i always do whatever i can for him. he doesn't ever ask for anything.. and i try to have little surprises or something for him but i don't really have money. so i write little notes and send random texts. and then i feel like i'm being too clingy so i kind of stop i guess.. maybe that's what he's talking about.. he has said that he always liked clingy or whatever. and now he's upset. and this time it's probably because i'm typing and not talking to him. but we talk everyday. there's only so much to talk about. and when we text throughout the day it's ever harder to find things to talk about because we've already talked about everything. and.. i don't know anymore. i have absolutely no idea what to do anymore. about anything. i know i love him. there is no doubt it my mind. and i want to be with him. but.. i'm honestly no sure if it's the best thing for either one of us right now. he's in his freshmen year of college and i'm in my senior year of high school. he's stressed out beyong belief because his parents are kicking him out, his car is falling apart, he can't focus in class, he desperately needs a new job, and his stupid girlfriend cant seem to do anything right. and i feel like i might be holding him back. he never hangs out with his friends. and he claims that he doesn't have any but looking at the contacts in his phone and the comments he gets on myspace i don't see how he can't have any friends. and his one best friend just treats him like crap. and i'm his girlfriend and i'm supposed to help make things easier. i'm supposed to make him happy and i'm obviously not doing my job. and this freaking sucks. and all i want to do is go out with my friends and have a good freaking time and not have to worry about what my boyfriend might think about every little thing i do. i have lots of guy friends. but guess who i can't hang out with because my boyfriend is too jealous. these guys are also his friends. and he says he trusts me. but.. honestly i don't know anymore. i just don't fucking know.