i don't even know what to think about life anymore... six months ago i was head over heels in love.. and now he's engaged to another a girl. and girl he's known for about four months now. supposedly. the girl he took to MY senior prom even though neither one of them go to my school. he won't talk to me. at all. he even took the time to delete me from his friends list on goddamn myspace. really? i never told him.. but i thought he was the one. i thought i was never gonna be with anyone else. i only wanted him. nothing else mattered. i was willing to give up absolutely everything just to be with him. he told me he was in love with me. but when you're in love with someone.. how can you be talking to and falling for someone else within a week after a break up? how can you move in with that someone else three weeks after the break up? how are you ENGAGED only THREE MONTHS after a break up with someone you were supposedly in love with????? why is it that HE'S completely over it and could care less if he ever heard from me ever again and i just can't get myself to move on?? sure, i've been talking to other guys. hanging out. real casual. and i'm leaving for college in just a few weeks. but how is he so over it?? if he ever really cared the way he said he did wouldn't he at least want to comfort me? why would he not even talk to me when i called him crying? why won't he sit down and just explain to me why he wouldn't take me back (i broke up with him). why would he take the promise ring back? "to put it in a box for memories". honestly it's pretty sketchy that a week after he made me give the ring back he was engaged to this girl.. but of course i'll never know the truth about anything. simply because he's a liar. and he doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself.. i learned that the hard way. i always thought that loving someone meant accepting the flaws and loving them for who they are. and i did that with him. sure, there were some things i didn't like. but they made him michael. and i learned to love everything. i wanted to love everything. i wanted him forever! and i didn't tell him that. i was afraid it would scare him away. i was afraid he wouldn't feel the same way. if i had told him would that have kept him around? obviously not because he's engaged to someone else now. obviously it's far too late to come clean about anything.. but why am i still so hurt? why do i still cry?? why do i still want him so badly? why do i feel like i need him? why do i still feel like i never wanna be with anyone else ever again? why do i feel like i didn't "fall out of love". personally i believe if you're 'in love' there's not falling out of it.. maybe you think you're in love, and you realize you're not. but you don't 'fall out' of true love. no way. and yea, i'm only almost 18. i'm young. and he's only a year older. we're both so young. and i know it's rare to find your 'soul mate' at such a young age. why does the world have to mess with our heads? why do you have to go through all the wrong answers to find the right one? 'because it makes it that much better in the end'. well all of this HURT all of these TEARS are TERRIFYING! i NEVER want to let any guy anywhere near my heart ever again. because i CAN'T HANDLE THIS pain. and i don't understand it! why am I hurting and HE isn't? why does he get to be happy? the jackass that does drugs and lies to people. he gets to be happy? FUCK. i am not this girl!! i'm not the irresponsible teenager that has sex with someone just because he told her he loved her! i'm not the stupid teenager that thinks she's fallen in love at seventeen! I'M NOT. i KNEW BETTER! why did i let myself believe everything??? why did i let that wall down? and how do i make it all go away so i can just move on with my life?