i've always been the girl that hides her feelings. i can't remember just opening up to someone and telling them exactly how i feel and the one time i tried it didn't end so well. so what good can come from just telling him everything? would it bring us closer? maybe. would it make him open up to me more? possibly. but what if gets really good for a while.. and then it just starts going bad. like every other relationship i've ever attempted to have. won't it just hurt worse when it ends if i've poured out my heart and soul to him? or will it hurt more to know that maybe if i had told him something would have been different? how can i know? i guess there's no way to know what the future holds.. unless you're one of the people who believes in the psychic thing. and i don't.. but even if i did would i honestly want to know what the future holds for me? if i had the chance to look into the future right now.. and i saw something horrible.. obviously i would work hard to keep it from happening. to turn my life around. but what if all that hard work just made the horrible things happen? what if i saw happiness? and what if after seeing that i just stopped worrying about it and my life ended up going bad anyway.. so do i really want to know what the future holds for me? i don't know. seems like lately i don't know anything. i'm not sure of my friends. my boyfriend. my family. myself. i am not 100% sure of anything. i'm not even sure if i'm supposed to be 100% sure of anything.. talk about being confused. i guess when you think about it, it wouldn't make much sense to be 100% sure of everything you do. i guess that's what makes life interesting. never knowing exactly what will happen, when it will happen, and if it'll make you the happiest person alive or just some depressed kid with no idea what to do unable to feel anything but sadness. i hate that feeling. sadness. the feeling that it'll never go away. i'm so lucky. my sadness did go away. and i'll be honest, it comes back. all those things in my past still hurt. but then when i think of the present and what may be in my future it brings the happiness back up. of course there's also that constant fear that the happiness is just going to be torn away from my grip. leaving me submerged in the sadness.the depression depression: mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy depressive disorder: a state of depression and anhedonia so severe as to require clinical intervention pushing down Depression, or a depressed mood, may in everyday English refer to a state of melancholia, unhappiness or sadness, or to a relatively minor downturn in mood that may last only a few hours or days. This is generally seen as quite distinct from the diagnosis of clinical depression. Depression is the anatomical term of motion for movement in an inferior direction. mental condition marked by ongoing feelings of sadness, despair, loss of energy, and difficulty dealing with normal daily life. ... a lifestyle whose structure prevents growth of the personality. When used to describe a mood, depression refers to what may be normal feelings of sadness, despair, and discouragement. More serious depression may be a symptom of a variety of physical and mental disorders. Not just temporary or situational sadness, but a persistent and pervasive feeling of sadness or hopelessness that is often associated with weight loss (or gain), sleep disturbances, constipation, disturbances of sexual function, and feelings of guilt or self-blame. A mental condition characterized by feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, apathy, fatigue, and pessimism. xa mental disorder marked by altered mood, this may occur daily with the addition of diminished interest or pleasure in most or all activities. Area of low pressure. Depressions often bring Precipitation. A psychiatric disorder characterized by sad mood, loss of pleasure, guilt, disturbed sleep and appetite, and/or self-blame lasting two weeks or more. A state characterized by depressed mood, decreased energy, reduced interest in sex, suppressed appetite, and too much sleep or sleeplessness. A group of diseases including major depressive disorder, dysthymia, and bipolar disorder (manic-depression). See bipolar disorder, dysthymia, and major depressive disorder. a major disorder that can begin at any age. Major depression may be characterized by a depressed mood most of each day, lack of pleasure in most activities, thoughts of suicide, insomnia, and feelings of worthlessness or guilt. A disorder marked by a persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood, and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that affects eating, sleeping, and activity. Major depression is not the same as the mood swings or feeling blue reported by some perimenopausal women. depression is just an all around depressing word. just reading these definitions made me sad.