pfft... gots not clue whats going on with me right now...been up to alot of nothing...feels like i'm losing sumbody that i don't wannt lose.

I never thought things would turn like this.I never thought I would see you again Now you tell me you love me I loved you tooMy timing sucks It was like that back then… Not anymore.You break my heart With every move you make. I'm so confused What did i do? You seem mad at me But you seem to love me Is it my fault? What did I do? just seems to me i have Illusion's of you still beside me..holding me...seeing you at the sight of the direction i'm going in..but i get a shock and open up my eyes and i just wake up in the dark to lightly sound music..scare enough to get up and look where i am or who to think of what i am anymore these's Illusion's are killing me and hurting me nobody heres me...nobody cares about me If you can't Look Deep within Me And find A kind heart, Then you Don't Know Me. If you can't Notice The timid Tone Echoing On my voice, Then you Don't Listen To Me. If you can't See The pain Burned In my Eyes, Then you Can't Watch Me. If you can't Ask me How I Am And Know Something Is Terribly Wrong, Or when I Need You so Badly, Then I guess You simply Just don't Give A Fuck About ME I don't live for the moment i rather live for today and tomorrow i don't let time slip by therefore it doesn't give the instuctionsI think am here for a reason Every point in time i count my achievment took me awhile to write all this stuff sorta...lots of thoughts went into it. but yah byes

how many days have i cried....5million is an estimate...all a bunch of wacked up bullshit with my life...i never make things right...if only if it was for me i still couldn't make it right...all i say to myself is i do nothing but fail..failure...i'm not sure if i'm wanting to live a life with fights,hate,death,or anything else i cud think of. it was painful when i came out of my room today...becuz first thing i read in the newpaper was death..suicides n anythihg else. how much deaths i read i just felt like reading them. i final started to make a poem today on sumthing..then broke down into just a pile of worthless words.i had a stress ful day sorta in a way...late phone talk with jessie hung up with tears pouring down my face when she hung-up..but i had to let her go n sleep..then after we got off the phone i just had like the worse picture in my mind...i was scared when i closed my eyes..becuz it was a nightmare i had before..i was suck underwater then was falling nostop into like just sum giant hole..so then i took a pill or 2 to cool myself down. stayed up for the rest of the night stairing at the ceiling or my hand...truthfully at a time tears just fell. it was a mind headache full of fright i had. so damn confused....dizzy as hell right now. thats all i can say for now. dame)_)

well i guess things aren't the best with me...hideing isn't working from my nightmares..not telling Jessie that i don't want her to hang-out with devon is just becuz of the4 words he spoke to me calling me down and shit just stressfull of what he said...and alot lately i've been wondering if he is right and maybe i sud follow him give up her for devan...its a killer to me that she still wants to be his friend becoz of what she told me on sundday of the unexpected he kissed her....i'm trying my hardest to try accpet him into jessie's life becuz truly i have so much trust in jessie but knowing that she is out with people i dislike much *TAKEN ADVANTAGE* is uselly the bigest problem ever becuz one time she told me it i cudn't believe it becuz i was changeing sumbody else's life with mine becuz just when i was bringing myself down she thought the same and did worse or same things. and really what she told me afer i'd letting her be his friend she told me if he trys anything else she won't be his friend anymore and will try and not make it happen---from that i think i will/wish i cud drop her is ANYTHING else happens...truly why is she waiting for sumthing else to happen to hurts us more(U):( well thats all for tonight and goodbye {+dame+}

well really right now not in the bestest mood becuz really i don't want christmas to happen..its been 3 years with out my brother or my sister trudy just hurts that nobody else feels this way in my family becuz really i don't think i can talk to them about my brothers death. so yah i'm just not excited as other people for christmas to be coming up. right now im in a relationship (seeing each other) with Jessie...things are turning out fine..trying to make time for eachother to spend with and so yah(L) all i guess i can say is i'm hopeing sumthing can and will work out. so my day was alright i guess school..friends and then spent my time at the hockey rink playing hockey and hanging with friends then a rough practise at 8:45 at southdale i had with coachs mad about me and othere beening late. so yah thats my day goodbye {dame}

well its been awhile and truly missed it..because this is like the only thing i can write honesty to others around the world and they reach out to me and try and help out with the conflicts i have and others well last night broke up with my girlfriend Raelyn...miss her..missed her before..now its jsut plainy stuck in my mind of how i could have made things better. Maybe i wasn't talkive enurf to her.Maybe i didn't explain/express my feelings to her enurf for her to say to herself that i love/loved her.Maybe just not the best boyfriend material. well whatever i did wrong was leading to a broke heart.soul.friendship.and sum what of the tinyess hate:( The more days goes and pass...it'll always take the extra hrs,mins,sec, to get over the relationship. Making those tears in her eyes made me get a picture of her crying to herself alone..and me here can't do a thing with distance between us. WHAT DID I DO!!!GOD IF U COULD ANSWER THAT PLEASE GIVE ME A SIGN SOON! dreams and thoughts of her was memorable because useally i would have told her if i had a dream about her funny.romantic.hardtimes and so on. What can i do to fix my self? What can i do to fix things around me? Who can i trully talk to? Who can i trust and cry in/to? When will this past? When will the pain stop? How can i be better? How can i help people better? thoughts on mind right now...how painfully its being for me to be alive when god could have taken my life away others then my brothers..:( miss you:( and why isn't any christmas worth any excitement with out my family,brother,and my great grandma Lou:(R.i.p u two and really if theres any where of how u could read this enjoy a merry christmas in heaven with peace.prays.thoughts about you lye with you forever and ever. how crazy i am but i think i could die when my birthday strikes..happened to my brother on his 16th exact day why coudn't or will happen to me...it fears me to think of that everyday.:( am i a bad friend? if i am why do you think that? i ever die would u wanna forget about me? Why so? name sum bad things about me? name sum good things about me? to you who am i? pretty much got 34% of the things off my back.and mind. (:.dame>:)

well not really i'll update it offtend just if u wanna chatt with me i got an e-mail slipknot_rulz_17@hotmail.com later

well but awhile since i wrote in here, nothing exciting has been going on with me, just had a new girlfriend but then i was stupid enough to try and comfort her, triad alot of things but rushed things.well other then relationships, i've been in school doing crappy stuff. hanging with friends, and just hockey starting. byes people

please god, i wish i was just normal and wouldn't have to be so ruff on my self everyday, crying, worrying. It feels like i can turn to alot of people in the world but i don't knwo why i don't. why am i doing this horrible thing to myself. i just wish this hole in my heart will patch and i'll be just happy. no one in my life is the problem right now...its just me that whos the problem.

anybody can answer this who hates me??? why thou?? what have i ever done wrong? if so can i make it up??

i need sumbodys help???? plz sumbody???

hey everything is going fine rihgt now, not alot is happened with me. just today is that day i start school, thats so bunk, damn summer si overgrrrr!!!! well update it later

well school is about to start soon in like 5 days maybe i dunna just whatever about that i jsut hope its not a shitty year. well last night i had a rough conversation with my ex-jessie . just i'm not sure its so right for me to ask ehr out on september 9th anymore, since she said she wants to stay single, she seems happier,glad,just i guess she feels good right now. and truly i don't/won't wanna go screw it up, so i'm just have to lay back and stuggle, and mainly cry when she dates another guy:( just i wish that i was the reason she smile. *i love you*i love your smile**love your lips pressing agiasnt mine*love the time we spent*i know we fight but sumhow we can make it right in the end* miss you babe hope things will work out i'll think of you well i guess thats all i have to say for now, i'll updated once agian when i feel lonely. later dayz

heyy last night was so amazing. snuck out with my buddy tyler, did so much effing trash's to house and busting eggs,and glass and pissin'g on peoples front step laught my fucken ass off. had have been the greatest night of doing it. and waiting for the night day we do it and fucken go crazy outside and have more eggs this time, and hope it doesn't happen agian that the effing EGG BROKE IN MY HAND!!!!GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED!!. ttyl with you all later!!!

tired alone dead sad hated feelings that i feeling right now!!! my life is ruin with depression, and i don't get why i'm always depressed!!GRRRRR!

YAH FUCK YOU BUDDY I'M GUNNA FUCEKN HURT YOU IF I KNOW WHO HACK MY DIARY FUCKER COME CLEAN BITCH!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alone here in the world, nothing to do, nobody to come to when i am down.i push myself to the point is where i wanna die every moment becuz i think it would be better if i died and i would be happy. i can't controls these thought taht come in my head, it hurts me the most and and effects the people around me that wanna make me safe but i just continuosly slit gash's in my skin with razor blades spelling words. i'm drowning myself by being alive here! d@mer

hey people its me updateing this thing. don't see bother wwhy i come here,don't know when i'll leave but all icud know its gunna pay lots of pain and hate. you wondering whats i've been up to lately well HERE HAVE AN UPDATED OF MY SUCKY LIFE. ive been doing nothing but spent my days alone and lonely with the light shut out of my eyes and the window blinds shut, never opened. well hope to hear from you all

hey people, its me damer speaking, another entry is going in here...umm well since the last entry...i've been up to sum things like drinking....hanging late nights....no sleep...partying. today what i did was chilled with ma buddy tyler, we mostly played ps2 for like 24hrs lmao and i've been playing it since he has lefted. why i played ps2 for the whole day was becuz it was to effing hot to do anything outside. well leave you coments and your hate BYE D@ME

hey people!!!! right now i'm at home listening to music and talking to people on msn (slipknot_rulz_17@hotmail.com) thats my addy add me! ummm i made sum easy cash today$$$ cutting grass (Y) im not to sure what i'm doing today, sum things with my friends mostly like every other day just chill around here. right now my life is at an alright stage my summer school is still getting dumb but i gotta do it so i don't have to graduate with out my friends. last night i hung with sum friends erin nicole and tyler and amanda and alex and meagz walked around laughing and enjoying a good time. well leave you comments and i'll try my hardest people to keep on writting in here! d@mer